TV Quotes

Blanche: Sophia, I've decided to wear this little watch on a chain, nestled cunningly in my cleavage. What other accessories do I need?
Sophia: Implants.

Donald: You know, Rose, we have a special section set aside for local artists. When you finish the series, maybe we could hang them in the museum.
Rose: Wow! Hanging in the museum? Well, none of my relatives ever hung in a museum. Oh, wait. Uncle Gustav. Well, actually, he hung in the barn. But that was only when he discovered his horse had defeated him for water commissioner.

Sophia: Oh, so you're studying for your interview?
Dorothy: Uh-huh. I know it's a lot of added responsibility, but I really want this job.
Sophia: Then why are you reading the racing form?
Dorothy: The racing form? Why would you think I'm reading the racing form?
Sophia: You can't lie to your mother. Mothers always know when you lie. Don't you think I knew what your brother Phil was doing in the bathroom when he said he was oiling his baseball glove? He was working on his Simplicity patterns.

Rose: Blanche, you're gonna have to face that man sometime.
Blanche: Look, I appreciate your concern, Rose, but I will not go into that museum today. I have my dignity. I have my pride.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, your copy of Slung magazine just arrived.

Rose: [breathing heavily]
Blanche: Rose, what are you doing?
Rose: I heard the creative process is a lot like giving birth, so I'm doing my Lamaze breathing.
Blanche: Oh. For a minute there, I thought I wasn't the only one with the invisible man fantasy.

Rose: You know, Blanche, I was thinking about that story you told us about you and Donald.
Blanche: You mean when I dropped my robe and stood there in all my nakedness and asked him for a romp?
Rose: Right. I was wondering if maybe you were too direct?
Blanche: In what way?
Rose: How can I explain this? OK. You see this little possum in my St. Olaf painting? Well, every year she goes into her mating ritual, and gives off little signals. I mean, she releases a scent, she changes the way she stands, she makes tiny little whistling noises.
Blanche: I do that.
Rose: Yes, but don't you see? That's all she does. I mean, she plays hard to get. And believe me, it works. I mean, men find her very attractive.
Blanche: You mean males?
Rose: No, I mean men.

Sophia: Blanche, I need you to take me to the eye doctor. It's time for a new prescription.
Blanche: I thought Dorothy was taking you.
Sophia: I don't know any Dorothy.
Rose: She's your daughter, Sophia.
Sophia: I'm being dramatic, you moron. I mean, I spit at the name Dorothy. I have no daughter. [tries to spit] I have no spit.

Blanche: Honey, can't you go to the eye doctor tomorrow?
Sophia: Please! I can hardly see my own hand in front of my face.
Blanche: That's my hand, Sophia.
Sophia: Oh, thank God. I saw so many liver spots, I thought I was being attacked by a Dalmatian.

Rose: Blanche, you can't stay home from work forever. Can't you just swallow your pride?
Sophia: There's no room for it. She just scarfed down a bag of Chips Ahoy.
Blanche: Why are you insulting me?
Sophia: It's a defense mechanism. I guess it's to hide my feelings when I'm deeply upset.
Blanche: Oh, well, I understand. In that case, I won't take it personally.
Sophia: Thanks, you human mattress.

Dorothy: Actually, Rose, I need cash. Quick. And I'm up to my limit at the automated teller.
Rose: Is this about the phone call you just received?
Dorothy: The phone- Yes, yes. It was the paperboy. I forgot to pay him last week.
Rose: How much do you need?
Dorothy: $250.
Rose: Isn't that kind of a lot for the paperboy?
Dorothy: Rose, the truth is- The truth is, I need the money so my mother can have an operation.
Rose: Sophia needs an operation?
Dorothy: Well, not an actual operation. She's just going to have her face done.
Rose: How's she gonna get it done?
Dorothy: Southwestern, Rose. Look, Rose, I need the money. You're just going to have to trust me.
Rose: Well, of course I trust you. You're my best friend. You can take everything I have.
Dorothy: Well, don't give me everything you have. I mean, all I need is a couple hundred bucks, you know, so that I can-
Rose: Oh, you don't owe me any explanation. Here. I want you to take my bank card, and take as much money as you need, and pay me back whenever you can.
Dorothy: Oh, thanks a lot. And don't you worry, I'll have this money back before you know it.
Rose: Oh, no hurry. I trust you completely.
Dorothy: Yeah, well Rose, I mean, you shouldn't trust anyone completely.
Rose: Dorothy, if I can't trust you, whom can I trust? You're practically a sister to me.
Dorothy: Yeah, well, sisters often lie, Rose. And even best friends take advantage of each other occasionally.
Rose: I don't think so.
Dorothy: Rose, you should. You're being very naive.
Rose: I'm not naive.
Dorothy: Yes, you are. You are being naive now. Don't you see? I'm stealing your money.
Rose: I know, Dorothy. But I was hoping you'd have a hard time taking advantage of somebody who cares about you as much as I do.
Dorothy: I need help, Rose. Oh, God, I hate the lying!