Blanche: This is the last time I ever date a doctor. Imagine dumping me for an emergency appendectomy! I just hate it when doctors use the Hippocratic oath as an excuse for everything.
Dorothy: Blanche, it was his appendix.

Blanche: Dorothy, you do that one more time, I'm gonna write on this wall, "For a good time, call Dorothy Zbornak."
Dorothy: Blanche, this is the ladies' room.
Blanche: Right!

Sophia: When I was 14 in Sicily, my father arranged a marriage with a neighbor's son. My dowry was two chickens, a ladle and a goat to be named later.
Dorothy: We came from a wealthy family.
Sophia: But the day of my wedding, as I stood at the altar, the boy I was to marry was on a cattle boat headed for America. That night, on a tear-stained pillow, I put a curse on him.
Rose: A curse?
Sophia: Nothing fancy. I remember I said, "Giuseppe Mangiacavallo, from this day forward, may you and all your future generations never know true love. May you be sterile, and may all your offspring be sterile. May your hair never lie flat, and may your socks always slip down inside your shoes."

Dorothy: Blanche, I want to thank you. I am really having a good time.
Blanche: You know, Dorothy, there is a thin line between having a good time and becoming an obvious wanton slut. I know. My toe's been on that line.

Rose: Well, it started forty years ago.
Dorothy: Oh, my God.
Rose: At my wedding in St. Olaf's Great Shepherd Church. Oh, it was beautiful. Especially when all those balloons dropped from the ceiling.
Dorothy: You had balloons in the church?
Rose: Well, it's not as if we filled them with air. We learned our lesson. You put air in them, and the St. Olaf Boys' Choir would use them to make those disgusting noises.
Blanche: Go on with your story, darling. I care deeply.
Rose: Well, after the wedding, Charlie and I had the most exciting, passionate night of our lives. After that, whenever we'd go to a wedding, we'd end up going home and putting on the cast album of Song of Norway, and going crazy on each other!
Dorothy: What are you saying, Rose? Weddings get you hot?
Rose: Yes. I mean, it was fine while Charlie was alive, but oh, I'll never forget that first wedding after he died. So now you see why I can't go if Miles is gonna be out of town. I might end up almost going to bed with the caterer again.
Blanche: Rose, I want to help, but first you have to tell me what the problem is.

Dorothy: Look, Ma, I don't know how to break this to you.
Sophia: Gently. I'm old.
Dorothy: Giuseppe Mangiacavallo has had a fabulous life. He's in his 80s, he's a multimillionaire, and enjoys perfect health.
Sophia: Well, it's a very slow-acting curse.
Dorothy: So it would appear.
Sophia: That's the beauty of it. He's been lulled into a false sense of security for the past 70 years, so I don't want you showing up like a wallflower and blowing my big moment.

Blanche: Dorothy looks very happy, doesn't she, Sophia?
Sophia: You really came through, Blanche.
Blanche: I feel all warm inside. This must be what they call the joy of giving. Feels a lot like cramps.

Man: Excuse me.
Rose: Yes?
Man: I couldn't help noticing. How do you make your eyes twirl around like that?
Rose: It's not hard. I just try to think of two things at once.

Dorothy: Look at the way Blanche is nuzzling up to him! Look, I'm not gonna take this lying down.
Sophia: I don't think you're gonna be invited.

Dorothy: You know, Blanche, I owe you an apology. How can I be high and mighty about my friendship with you when I can't do Rose the simple favor of keeping her out of trouble? What I have to do is remember you for the person you are, and accept you for that.
Blanche: I'm sorry, Dorothy, what did you say? I thought I had established eye contact with one of the guys in the rhythm section.