Beverly: So we're gonna take one last unforgettable family vacation before everybody starts the next big chapter in their lives! What do you say?
Pops: We love you, but pass.
Beverly: You're gonna pass on a trip to Disneyland?
Adam: Oh, balls!
Erica: I love you now!
Beverly: Ah, that's right! Embrace your mama!
Adam: Star Wars just opened a ride there! It's called "Star Tours"! You get to travel to the forest moon of Endor!
Beverly: Well, I "Endor" you. Boop!
Adam: Even you can't ruin this. Star Wars teaming up with Disney is just so big! Sure, I wish they'd dedicate a whole land to Star Wars, but that's just a little boy's dream!

Barry: I'm not going to Disneyland! I'm a grown adult man who will be starting a fully accredited university in a week.
Pops: But you love that Snow White. You've had a crush on her since you could talk. Which was late for your age. But still.
Barry: Sure, Ms. White has pretty hair and she's patient with those dwarves in a way you know you'd just vibe with her, but not at all!

Adam: Who cares! I can't believe we're flying to California!
Beverly: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That won't give me enough time squished together with my squishies. [chuckles] We're driving!
Adam: To the airport and then we're flying?
Erica: When will I learn not to hug until I hear all of the details?
Beverly: It'll be just like the Griswolds. We're gonna see America!
Pops: This America? I've seen it. It's all corn.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was the last week of summer, 1980-something, and the Goldbergs were about to hit the road. Of course that meant my dad was excited about one thing, saving money.
Murray: Lose the bathrobe.
Adam: It's a traditional Jedi cloak revered the galaxy over.
Murray: Well, I'd revere a tank top if I were you, because I'm not using the air conditioning.
Beverly: You're not cheaping out on this trip, Murray. We have to make it perfect so that no matter how old they get or where they are in the world, they'll want to do this for years to come.
Murray: An annual trip? I was just sitting, enjoying my cookies. Now our financial future is in doubt?
Pops: Good news, everyone! I'm bringing my banjo.
Murray: No.
Pops: Roger that.

Barry: Attention, uneducated masses! As you all know, I'll be attending college in a week, so I need to be in tip-top shape... Mind and body.
Pops: Is that why you're holding your mom's titanium leg pretzel?
Barry: This thigh-blasting machine is my ticket to physical dominance.
Murray: Just do your dumb thing in the car.

Erica: You really don't want to come and be jammed in a station wagon with my family for a week? And I answered my own question.
Geoff: Look, I'll be on the road, too. The Dead have four more concerts left this summer. I'm hoping by the last one, I finally like them.

Adam: Yeah, you keep calling yourself a college man, but come next week, you're in for a rude awakening.
Barry: What's that supposed to mean?
Adam: It means you might be in college, but you're just gonna be a lowly freshman, totally starting from scratch socially.
Barry: Have you not seen the work I've been doing on my thighs? College is gonna love me.
Adam: Or the safety of the only world you've known will have vanished, and you'll discover that there's no place for an emotionally out-of-control doof with a thigh device.
Barry: What?! I am not an emotionally out-of-control doof! You are!
Beverly: Adam, quit working your brother up. He's gonna strain his groin.

Beverly: You know what's fun? A sing-along! [Erica groans]
Murray: Oh, come on!
Beverly: I'll start us all off. ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ Jump in! ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪ ♪ Life is but a dream ♪ Anyone now! ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ There's your cue! ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪ ♪ Life is but a dream ♪ Make it yours. ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ Just the girls! ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪ ♪ Life is but a dre-e-e-am ♪ [laughs] That was great!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, our vacation was off to a slow start. But somewhere along the open road, things were about to kick into high gear.
Murray: What the hell is this nut job doing? [to attractive woman in a convertible] Hey! Go around!
Beverly: I think she's flirting with you, Murray.
Adam: Whoa, it's just like in the movie! But when you see it in real life, it just comes off as wildly reckless!
Murray: You're being very aggressive!
Beverly: He's spoken for! Show her your wedding ring!
Pops: I think she's eyeballing me. Move your melon, Murray, so I can enchant her with a coy wink.

Murray: This can't be real.
Beverly: Oh, it's real, all right. My fruit guy's nephew was seduced by a road hussy and he woke up in a bathtub missing his kidney, spleen, corneas, and rectum.
Erica: There are road hussies? Geoff's on the road!
Barry: And single.
Erica: We don't know that!