Murray: Come here!
Adam: What's happening?
Murray: This is me hugging you.
Adam: No!
Murray: I'm hugging you! Just accept it!
Adam: Mom! Dad's trying to hug me!
Beverly: Oh, Murray, you're finally expressing your love and affection towards your children.
Murray: No, the little weird one got a job.
Beverly: What? Who would hire him?
Murray: Don't know. Don't care. I thought he'd be singing in a wig for years.

Leon: I know this is a small detour on your way to becoming a big-time brain surgeon, but how would you like to be assistant manager?
Barry: What?
Erica: What?
Leon: I've been looking for somebody to help me run this place. I found him. What do you say?
Erica: I say you're gonna be out of business in two weeks.

Barry: Well, well, well. Looks like the master has become the student.
Erica: That's not the expression.
Barry: It is now, 'cause Barry's the boss. And the boss Barry says clean all the dribble glasses and restock the fake turds.

Dave Kim: Dude, where'd all these people come from?
Adam: Everybody heard I was giving out free money.
Dave Kim: But that's not even a report card. That's a Sbarro box.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim! I've lost control. I'm gonna get fired.

Murray: I'm gonna be brutal here because your mom's in la-la land. You're not a boy, and you're not special.
Beverly: What are you saying?
Murray: He's not some magic star. He's a regular Joe who's got to learn the value of a hard day's work.
Beverly: By wearing wigs and making home movies.
Murray: Oh, my God! What are you doing to this kid?
Beverly: I'm being his mother.
Murray: Well, I'm being his father. Welcome to reality. You go down to that job, and you solve it any way you can.

Barry: What a rip. Chuck Norris wasn't even there just some lady named Maya Angelou. She didn't know anything about karate.

Beverly: Well, you're still gonna take me to the Oscars, though, right?
Adam: I'm taking my wife.
Beverly: You'll take me to the Emmys.
Adam: Eh, I'm taking my wife.
Beverly: Sure you are.

Murray: You know, your mom may be onto something. You might be more special than I'm giving you credit for.
Adam: You really think so?
Murray: Don't get a big head about it. But, yeah, keep making your movies with the, uh, singing and the wigs.
Adam: I thought you hate the wigs.
Murray: Oh, I- I really hate the wigs.

Barry: Come on down to Spencer's Gifts at the Willow Grove Mall, where our gag gifts are a sight for sore eyes. Spencer's. We've got fake barf. Underpants wallet. Real lava lamps. Whoopie cushions. Joy buzzers. Ow. "No Fart Zone" tape. Wind-up chattering teeth. Wacky shirts. Silly wigs. Edible underpants. And, of course, our best seller-
Erica: Bottled farts!
Leon: And for the woman in your life, we have lilac hand lotion, for some reason.
Barry: So, come on down to Spencer's.
All: We've got shenanigans for you!