‘The Spencer's Gift’
Season 4, Episode 14 - Aired February 15, 2017
As Barry and Erica get competitive over their new jobs at Spencer's Gifts, Murray pushes Adam to go out into the real world and find a job.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: How could you let him accept a job and be part of the world?
Murray: I didn't do anything. It was easy.
Beverly: It's fine. I'll just wait it out until he quits or gets fired.
Murray: Or he'll learn responsibility and pride from a job well done.
Beverly: Oh, shut the [bleep] up, Murray.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Oh, Leon, I'm gonna need the keys to the glass case.
Leon: The glass case? With the pewter dragons holding the crystal balls? I haven't opened this case in years.
Barry: Yeah, I saw this stupid goth kid in the mall, and I said to myself, "That kid'll buy a dragon." So I struck up a convo, and he's coming in.
Leon: Oh, my God. Son, you've got it. The gift. The Spencer's gift.
Quote from Beverly
Adam: Mom, you got to stop. I just lost a real job.
Beverly: You know what else is real? You walking me down the red carpet at the Academy Awards.
Adam: To be clear, if I ever get a job in show business, I am not taking you as my date to anything.
Beverly: Of course you are.
Adam: [scoffs] I'm super not.
Beverly: Well, who else are you gonna take?
Adam: Um, my wife?
Beverly: Oh, it's cool. She'll understand.
Adam: No, she won't.
Beverly: I'll talk to her. She'll get it.
Adam: You stay away from her. Seriously. She didn't sign up for this.
Beverly: So, What I'm the only one who believes in you, but I have to read about your successes in People magazine, like some poor slob at a dentist's office?
Adam: I'll tell you before the article comes out, okay?
Beverly: If I pay back the arcade, can I go to the Oscars then?
Adam: You can ride with me and my wife in the limo, but you can't go in.
Beverly: I'll find a way.
Quote from Barry
Leon: Barry. We need to talk.
Barry: Leon. What are you doing back?
Leon: Someone paged me to come back to the store. When I got here, you were gone and so were all the bottled farts.
Barry: Oh, no! Not the bottled farts.
Leon: Yes, the bottled farts. When I saw all the bottled farts were gone, I was excited. I thought you sold the bottled farts. But now it seems you lost the bottled farts.
Barry: I'd never lose the bottled farts.
Leon: Barry, do you understand that each bottled fart was ass-crafted by a third-generation fartist in Pueblo, Colorado?
Barry: So they just fart into the bottles?
Leon: Oh, it's so much more than that. Inside every bottled fart lives a child's wish. And now all those wishes have vanished, like... something in the wind.
Barry: A squeaky fart?
Leon: Damn it. No one gets it like you, Barry.
Quote from Barry
Leon: And last but not least, we have our edible underpants in all flavors and sizes. Questions?
Barry: I got one. This place is awesome.
Erica: That's not a question, kiss-ass.
Leon: That's all right. I share young Barry's verve for the gag game.
Barry: Well, sir, I'm gonna learn everything about this place, starting with the exploding golf balls.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Attention, perverts! Look away from the Hot Dog On A Stick girl or face my fury!
Lainey: Uh, Barry? What's the deal?
Barry: Well, honey, similar to Bruce Lee in "Enter The Dragon," I am about to fight everyone! Erica, hold my meat.
Quote from Barry
Lainey: Babe, these guys aren't here just to watch me make lemonade. They do it for everyone. See? Look at Dave Kim. Boo!
[crowd groans]
Barry: That's right, that's right. Walk away.
Quote from Barry
Lainey: Will you stop it? I want to keep this job. The money's good, and I got my eye on one of those. The best yellow boom box money can buy.
Barry: Look at all that yellow! It's so compact and waterproof. That's perfect for my swim routine.
Quote from Adam
Barry: Dad, tell your wife to tell your boy son that he needs to get a job, like the rest of us.
Murray: Hey, moron. Get a job, like the other two morons.
Adam: No, thanks. See, I'm not so much the job guy. I'm more the guy behind the job guy who just sits there and plays with his toys. You get it.
Murray: I don't. Get a job.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Well, you're the joke. 'Cause I'm not just gonna be the greatest brain doctor I'm also gonna be the greatest Spencer Gifts employee. How, you ask? I'll out-Spencer Gifts you. Now, I got to get myself a new shirt, 'cause this one's ruined.