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32Quotes from ‘Agassi’

The Goldbergs: Agassi

413. Agassi

Aired February 8, 2017

Adam takes up tennis when he fears he is drifting away from his friend Chad. Meanwhile, Erica is down in the dumps about being single on Valentine's Day.

Quote from Erica

Beverly: You stole my credit card to pay for a party?
Erica: No idea what you're talking about.
Beverly: Uh, hello? "Erica Goldberg's Valentine's Day Disco is Dead Party"! Your name is right there.
Erica: Oh, that's the other Erica Goldberg in school. I'm Erica F. Goldberg.
Beverly: No, that's Adam's stupid thing! And nobody cares about his dumb feud with the other Adam, anyway.

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Quote from Erica

Lainey: We've all come together to say that we want the old Erica back.
Andy: Yeah, we want the Erica from the last three years. You know, you were so confident and talented.
Naked Rob: But this year, you're weak and sad and boy-crazy.
Erica: Thank you for that honest assessment, Barry's interchangeable friends.
Naked Rob: Ouch.
Andy: I know. I get it.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Come on, our home movies always come first. You know the saying flicks before chicks.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, my poor sweetie. I'll be in your little movie.
Adam: No. Stop right there.
Beverly: [singing as Marilyn Monroe] Happy Birthday to you.

Quote from Adam

Coach Mellor: All right, everyone, meet your new teammate. Kid's got zero experience, but he makes up for it by showing up.
Adam: Hi. I'm Adam. Pumped to play some tennis, but I hear it's a real "racket." Yeah, that's what I bring to the table.
Coach Mellor: Ah, yikes, off to a rough start.

Quote from Erica

Lainey: Hey, sweetie. How are things?
Erica: So good. Do you have any ranch dressing I can pour into this chip bag?
Lainey: Like, on me, in the hallway?
Erica: Just give me the ranch dressing!
Lainey: I don't have ranch dressing!

Quote from Murray

Lainey: Okay, we need to help that girl.
Mr. Glascott: This sounds like a job for the bodacious guidance counselor that all the kids adore and respect.
Lainey: First of all, your constant lurking is really jarring.
Mr. Glascott: Can't a guy stand around teenagers, waiting for some juicy gossip without being judged?
Lainey: No.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Okay, what the hell is going on?
Mr. Glascott: This is called an intervention. It's a new craze sweeping the nation. I read a pamphlet and everything.
Beverly: I've been intervening in her life for years. It's so exciting to finally do it in a professional setting.

Quote from Murray

Mr. Glascott: You're up next, big fella.
Murray: Erica, I was at work when your mom called me, and I fought through traffic to get here, and what I'm really trying to say is, what is this?
Beverly: Oh, Murray, you're not helping.
Murray: I know I'm not helping because I don't know what this is.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Aah! Oh! Sorry, I've never been this close to sports before, but it's gonna be fun.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Listen, back before I realized that my ultimate joy was having babies, my gal pals and I had a place we'd go where we would just groove the night away. It was packed with people just having the time of their lives.
Erica: Mom, look around. Disco is dead.
Beverly: Oh, poop. I think I would've heard if a whole genre of music had died.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Adam: Coach Mellor! Please tell me you forced Chad to be partners with Dave Kim.
Coach Mellor: Quite the opposite, Goldfarb. Chad came to me. Made me swear to keep it a secret, too. Something about feelings and friendship, I don't know. I'm not your remembering things secretary, Chad Kremp!
Adam: That snake is cheating on me with my mortal enemy, who is actually a great guy and another friend.
Coach Mellor: I sympathize. Tennis is a lot like marriage. It's long, and it's boring, and eventually, she leaves you for a handsome Latin man who was just supposed to re-tile your bathroom.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Adam: Well, there's only one thing left to do. I become the best tennis player this school has ever known, and I need your help to do it.
Coach Mellor: Damn it, Goldfarb. As a coach, I took a blood oath never to let a student-athlete fail if he's got drive and desire, which is exactly why I'm gonna get into my Ford Festiva and pretend you never asked.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Oh, there she is. My beautiful baby is back!
Murray: Back from where? How much did it cost me?
Beverly: Murray, pay attention.
Murray: What were you at dance camp? Something to do with music? I know it hits me in the pocket.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Behold Andre Agassi! The greatest player in the world. You know why?
Adam: Skill?
Barry: Partly. But the other part? A deadly combination of splash, flash, and mullet.
Adam: A mullet can do that?
Barry: A mullet doesn't have a boss. It takes no orders! It's above the law! Like Steven Seagal!
Adam: But Seagal has a ponytail.
Barry: Which is just a fancy mullet tied with a rubber band. Why aren't you writing any of this down?

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Out! Point, Kremp-Kim!
Barry: Out?! You got to be frickin' kidding me. It was in by a mile!
Coach Mellor: Gah! Ha! Nice one, McEnroe. Just for that awesome burst of passion, I'm giving you the point.
Chad Kremp: What? That's not a reason to change your mind.
Coach Mellor: Oh, it is. That's the kind of competitive spirit we need on this team.

Quote from Mr. Glascott

Mr. Glascott: Look, Erica, these boys care about you. We all do, which is why we wrote letters to make this easier to say. I'll start. "Dearest Erica, I miss your singing."
Beverly: That's it?
Mr. Glascott: Yeah, I don't really know her. Look, I manage 600 kids, okay?


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