Murray: And that's not all. You know what's in that car stereo?
Barry: Is that a compact disc?
Erica: You said this family fully invested in the cassette and there were no new formats we'd ever need!
Murray: So what do you say we drive around, listen to music, and eat some of our favorite meats! That's right. We're going to Arby's!
Erica: But that's top-shelf fast food!
Barry: We only get that as a treat after we go to the dentist.
Bill Lewis: Their fries are curly! That's a special-occasions potato.

Adam: Dude, you got to stop this. You're just hurting yourself. Trust me. You're gonna be fine.
Barry: Don't say "fine." Lainey was fine. That was her thing, being fine.
Adam: Okay, we got to cheer you up. How about we go play smashball at the Wawa?
Barry: [sighs] Lainey used to go to the Wawa. That was her thing.
Adam: We could go toilet-paper Principal Ball's house.
Barry: Lainey used to use toilet paper. That was her thing.
Adam: Okay. Oh! I know how to prove you can find love again. We can watch a teen Rom com.
Barry: [crying] Lainey used to love teen Rom coms! That was her thing.

Coach Mellor: The good news is, the note says nothing about him playing goalie, which is what he's going to do right now. Fire away!
Adam: Oh, stop! I'm still growing! Read the note! Read the note!

Murray: Bevy, how much longer is this gonna go on? I want my den back!
Beverly: Our babies are devastated, and all you can think about is your stupid den?
Murray: That's where the TV is! That's my baby!

Beverly: Ugh, I can't stand to see their precious hearts hurting this much! I have to fix this!
Murray: No. Do not try and fix their feelings. I mean it.
Beverly: But that's a mama's job, to fix everything so they never learn pain or sadness! It's very healthy.
Murray: No, it's not. You soak up all their misery like a sadness sponge, and then you're a wreck. It only makes things worse.
Beverly: Not this time.
Murray: [sighs]
Beverly: Those little pickles need someone to be their rock, and damn it, that someone is me.

Beverly: Come into the mom cocoon! I'll snug you until you emerge happy butterflies! [crying]
Erica: This is obviously our worst and only option! [crying]
Beverly: Yes, it is.
Geoff: Is it me, or is she making them sadder?
Murray: For once, it's not you. It's up to us to help those morons move on.
Geoff: Sounds like you're including me in a plan to save your family. I'm honored, sir!
Murray: Why ya gotta make everything so stupid?
Geoff: That's on me, partner.

Adam: That's class! Enjoy the mile run, suckas!
Dave Kim: Looks like we'll be chillin' right here with you, sucka.
Dan: We forced our moms to write us notes, too.
Adam: What?
Matt: "My son has water on the knee and cannot run, jog, or trot."
Adam: Don't you dare hand that in!
Dan: "Daniel Morse is suffering from puberty pains."
Adam: Obviously you are, but still!
Dave Kim: "Dave Kim has 'The Andromeda Strain'."
Adam: Come on! We can't all lie about our feeble bodies. Mellor will see right through it.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While we were happy Coach was leaving, my mom took a stab at curing everyone's depression.
Beverly: That's right. Focus on the fudge and not the fact that you may never have love, music, or a daughter ever again.
Murray: Oh, damn it. She's pouring a gallon of sadness on their fire. We gotta get rid of her.
Geoff: Got it. But how?
Murray: I'll take care of it, and I'm sorry. Hey, Bevy! The boy here needs his sweater bedazzled, and he said you wouldn't be good at it.
Beverly: Geoff Schwartz, let's go! Move!

Murray: All right, you sad sacks. Enough moping. It's time to get out for a day of dad fun.
Barry: Pass!
Erica: [with her mouth full] Please, just go, and let us be miserable in peace.
Murray: Why be miserable here when you can go out and listen to your brand-new car stereo!
Barry: What?!
Erica: No way!
Bill Lewis: Mur! This is the fancy kind where you pop off the face and take it with you, and then car thieves are like, "What?!"

Murray: And that's just the start. I also got us tickets to the 76ers game!
Barry: No way! Hey, feels good to stand.
Murray: Why don't you put on some clothes, and we'll head on out?
Beverly: Ahh, look who's a big, sparkly man!
Geoff: It's me.
Murray: Damn it, Schwartz. I told you to keep her occupied.
Geoff: I tried! She bedazzles like the wind! I didn't even have to take the sweater off!