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Tennis People

‘Tennis People’

Season 9, Episode 9 - Aired December 1, 2021

Adam's delight at getting into NYU quickly gives way to worries over his relationship with Brea. Meanwhile, Beverly wants to join Virginia's tennis club.

Quote from Beverly

Virginia Kremp: Speaking of gifts, I would like to give you mine right now. It would be my honor if you would allow me to throw your bridal shower.
Erica: That means I get a whole other mountain of crap? Mama, I love getting married so much.
Beverly: Oh... [Erica squeals] Thank you, Ginzy. You are the best.
Virginia Kremp: And I'm gonna throw it in my backyard.
Beverly: And now you are the worst.
Virginia Kremp: What's wrong with my backyard?
Beverly: The long list starts with that family of moles.
Virginia Kremp: We got rid of the moles. Charles set traps and everything.
Beverly: Great, now it's a mole graveyard. [chuckles] Plus, your yard reeks. It's where I've been dumping my bacon grease.
Virginia Kremp: That's why the moles showed up!


Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom was trying to secure a venue for Erica's shower, I was feeling insecure about my future with Brea.
Adam: Hey. So, Brown, huh?
Brea: I know. I was surprised, too, but we both got into our dream schools. That's exciting.
Adam: Yeah, so exciting. Dream schools! Dream couple! Dreamgirls is playing on Broadway.
Brea: Are you okay with this? You're doing a lot of nervous talking.
Adam: Me? [scoffs] I'm more than okay. I'm the okay-est. I'm OK Corral. [imitates gun] I'm Oklahoma's postal code. I'm the first two letters of "okra."
Brea: O-kay.
Adam: Exactly.

Quote from Beverly

Virginia Kremp: You here to dump your breakfast fats on my lawn?
Beverly: No, no. We pour them down the storm drain now. Ginzy, I haven't treated you kindly, so I am going to apologize for everything I've ever said to you.
Virginia Kremp: Okay, well, that's not necessary.
Beverly: Like the time I called you a leather-faced manatee.
Virginia Kremp: Bev, you don't have to list each and every...
Beverly: No. Ginzy, I love you. You deserve this. I should not have said that you were dumber than a river weasel. You are nothing like a bag of loose poultry. And I didn't mean it when I said you have the face of an alcoholic bottlenosed dolphin. I meant that for Essie.
Virginia Kremp: Thanks.
Beverly: Nor do you have an ass like a deflated balloon left in the sun.
Virginia Kremp: Okay, some of these are just kinda stinging me all over again.
Beverly: You are not a human version of cramps.
Virginia Kremp: I don't remember that one.
Beverly: And you are not the last doll on the shelf, the one that's been dropped too many times and maybe stepped on. [voice breaks] And I mean that. Ginzy, I may not have a right to ask for forgiveness, but I'm going to anyway, because I can't lose you. You're my best friend.

Quote from Murray

Adam: This is from NYU. [Beverly gasps]
Murray: Good school. You ought to apply there.
Adam: I did apply there, 'cause I've wanted to go there since childhood. But then I got wait-listed, which devastated me, even more so because my girlfriend's going there.
Murray: You got a girlfriend? Good for you!
Adam: It says I got in! [Beverly gasps]
Murray: [choir vocalizes] Hoo-hoo! The last moocher's off the books!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, we did it! We did it!
[Beverly rips off her colorful overshirt to reveal a bedazzled sweater which reads "NYU MAMA"]
Adam: How did you...
Beverly: I've been wearing this under my clothes since you got wait-listed. Last month's Indian summer was particularly hellish. But it doesn't matter, because you got in!
Adam: The world needs to know.
Beverly: Then you go tell them, N-Y-Schmoo!

Quote from Erica

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was December 1st, 1980-something, and my sister was soaking in the best part of getting married.
Erica: Where is it?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] The presents.
Beverly: Right here, Schmoo. [chuckles]
Erica: [gasps] A second blender? [Beverly squeals] Now, after I use the first one, I can just throw it out and not even bother cleaning it.
Beverly: For years, I've dreamed of the day you'd accumulate appliances you don't need, and it's happening!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Ginzy, I love that you want to do this, but you're gonna have to dig deeper, okay? Work that little acorn.
Virginia Kremp: What about the covered tables at Birmingham Park?
Beverly: It's my daughter's bridal shower, not an AA meeting.
Virginia Kremp: Okay, well, there, there's always the back room at Il Dolce.
Beverly: We're not celebrating a mobster's release from prison.
Virginia Kremp: Um, what about m-my tennis club?
Beverly: Well, that could work.
Virginia Kremp: Yay! I c... I can... I can stop sweating now.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Love will not find a way. The second she gets to Brown, your love will get punched in the face till its nose bleeds profusely.
Adam: My love has a nose?
Joanne: It has all the body parts. And you should be taking your brother seriously.
Adam: That has not been my experience.
Joanne: If there's two things Barry knows, it's how to get the cream out of a Chocodile without ruining its structural integrity and affairs of the heart.
Adam: Fine.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Everyone thinks they can make it work long-distance, but statistically, 0.0% of couples actually do.
Adam: Moving past the shaky math, I'm not worried. We're gonna cement our already strong bond by talking on the phone all the time.
Barry: Allow us to show you how that'll go. I'll be you. Joanne'll be Brea.
Joanne: [slaps leg] Good eventide. I am Brea, last name unknown. I heard somewhere that I play volleyball.
Adam: Strong out of the gate.
Barry: I'm Adam. I make movies and I once cried at a Clorox commercial.
Adam: Can we please skip the backstories?

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Brea and I were on shaky ground, my mom's visit to Ginzy's tennis club had her walking on air.
Beverly: Oh, my God! Look at the class coming out of this place's ass. [gasps] Wh... Is that sparkling water with pickle slices?
Virginia Kremp: Cucumber, actually.
Beverly: Shut up, Ginzy. I just can't believe you have this secret oasis of refinement and tennis.
Erica: And so much space. We can double the gift list... guest list.
Beverly: Ooh, free pastries.
Virginia Kremp: Well, folks usually just take one. [Beverly starts filling her handbag] Okay, yeah, you enjoy. Enjoy that.

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