Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Geoff's wedding plans were falling apart, Barry and I got the JTP together to film a heartfelt testimonial for our favorite water park.
Adam: What's your favorite moment at Riptide Waters?
[montage:]
Naked Rob: I guess when I lost my trunks on the water slide.
Matt: When I was made a junior lifeguard at Full Moon Lagoon.
Andy: For me, it's the wave pool.
Naked Rob: So, I'm just flying down this slide a-and whoop! There goes my shorts.
Matt: The girls gave me a lot of attention when I had that whistle. Especially Stacy Leiberman.
Andy: One time, I was under the water for eight whole minutes. [chuckles] At least... At least I think it was eight. I-I've forgotten a lot about that day.

[montage:]
Naked Rob: The trunks are the only thing really slowing you down when you're on the slide, so I just kept going faster and faster.
Matt: You remember when Stacy "went missing" in the Lagoon and people were going crazy and the park manager was like, "You can swim, right? Get in there."
Andy: I do remember sinking to the bottom and feeling really at peace.
Naked Rob: And I just came shooting out of that slide, uh, skipped across the pool like a stone across a lake.
Matt: I dove into that lagoon again and again looking for Stacy, but I couldn't... I-I-I couldn't find her.
Andy: And then I saw my grandma, a-and she had this bright, warm light coming from behind her, but also from within.
Naked Rob: I looked around for my suit, but it was gone. It doesn't make any sense, but deep down, I know the park took it.
Matt: At the end of the day, the manager said it was all a joke. That Stacy was never even there, and... and I believed him. I was just a boy.
Andy: I could smell my grandma's perfume. Although, it might have been the aftershave of the lifeguard that was resuscitating me.
Naked Rob: Then I noticed everyone looking at me. So many judging eyes. I-I lied to myself and embraced it. I didn't want to, but I had to. I had to be Naked Rob.
Matt: I never saw Stacy again.
Andy: Did I die?

Geoff: This is a simple and elegant solution. Back me up here, Mrs. Kremp.
Virginia Kremp: You're a sweet boy, but I-I don't want to weigh in on anything around here. [whispers] Don't marry in.
Geoff: Let me demonstrate. Heads, we go with marigolds. Tails, we don't. [coin hits Virginia in the eye]
Virginia Kremp: Oh, jillickers! My cornea!
Geoff: I'm so sorry.
Virginia Kremp: I have a living scriptures performance tonight!
Geoff: Did you happen to see where it landed?
Virginia Kremp: The only thing I can see is a blurry doofus who doesn't know how to flip a dern penny. Now I have to go rinse out my eyeball in the sink.

Vivian: Mr. Glascott, with your harrowing testimony, and the signatures from the concerned community, you make quite a case.
Mr. Glascott: If I can keep one person from being pummeled by human missiles, it was worth it.

Barry: Stop the proceedings! I have something to show the honorable Safety Board monsignors.
Vivian: Stupid democracy.
Barry: The name of Riptide Waters amusement park has been besmirched.
Mr. Glascott: Okay, this young man obviously stumbled into using "besmirched" correctly.
Barry: On this video, you will find testimonials un-smirching the heretofore re-smirched virtues of Riptide Waters.
Barry: [raps on video] Riptide Waters rules! Rules! Rules! Rules! Memories! Keee-yah! Splashing! Gravity, gravity, gravity. Chlorine! Shoes... not mandatory. Riptide Waters rules!
Barry: Water park saved.

Vivian: It was not. It is our opinion that Riptide Waters be shut down at close of business tomorrow.
Barry: We lost? How?
Adam: I think Mr. Glascott made a far more coherent case. But on the bright side, the NYU admissions department should really appreciate my attempt at activism.
Barry: NYU? Is that the only reason you did this?
Adam: Bar, I'll miss Riptide Waters, too, but sometimes, you have to move on.
Barry: Like you going off to college.
Adam: What does that have to do with this?
Barry: Don't you get it? All those special times are behind us. Not just the water park. Our whole childhood. Even worse, I'm the only one who cares.

Barry: I heard you were scared to go down. Climb in my arms, and I'll carry you past your peers like a wet baby.
Adam: It's not fear. I got up here and started thinking about what you said. You're right. Our childhood is slipping away. It's crazy, but the moment I go down this slide, it's all over.
Barry: I've been thinking about it, too, and yeah, we're never getting those times back.
Adam: Now you're giving up, too?
Barry: No. It's just... maybe we should stop looking back and start looking forward.
Adam: So we should make new memories together?
Barry: Damn right. No matter where we are in the world or how old we get, or how erotically demanding my supermodel wife is, I'll always make time for you.
Adam: Me, too. [chuckles] So... one last trip down the Atomic Tsunami?
Barry: Human canoe-style?
Adam: Is there any other way? I'm asking. Is there any other way?

Mr. Glascott: Your colorful sweaters have taken a confusing turn.
Beverly: Oh, thank you. I do look amazing.
Mr. Glascott: I didn't say that.
Adam: Great news. My magic show was perfect! Only two pigeons didn't make it.
Beverly: Adam, help me to the door. My heels keep catching on the fabric.
Adam: Oh, good. My mom's going to school as Madonna today.
Beverly: Pish-posh. Your mother's wearing a wedding gown to school. Get over yourself.
Barry: Ha! You're marrying Mom. I'm surprised the state's allowing this, but I knew this day would come. Mazel tov, you two.
Adam: Ohhh, no.

Mr. Glascott: Anyway, someone wanna sign this thing?
Barry: Never. In fact, I'm starting a counter petition to keep the park open.
Mr. Glascott: That's not how it works.
Barry: Out you go!
Mr. Glascott: Ow! That's my good shoulder! Who's gonna do my household chores?!

Erica: [enters] Ugh! I can't believe that woman!
Geoff: Good news. I know a way to support you and for us to grow even closer as a couple... Dr. Carl's marriage class.
Bill Lewis: The doctor part might not be official, but he did lock down a multi-use room with a nice selection of teas.
Geoff: So, do you wanna grow as a couple over some Earl Grey?
Erica: I have another idea. You go by yourself, and you learn how to not give me one more thing to do while I'm fighting with my mother and planning a wedding.
Geoff: I'll go by myself. I'm sure it's not weird.
Bill Lewis: Oh, it will be.