Brea: Wait, yours says "Beverly Goldberg."
Murray: Ah, that's probably just a typo. Whoo-hoo! We did it, Bevy! They're in college! Now they're society's problem.
Adam: I'm supposed to go to NYU as her?
Murray: Oh, look at Mr. Big Pants here. Too good to go to college as his mom.
Adam: How would that even work?
Murray: We'll Tootsie you. Bevy, get me a sparkling red dress, some curlers, and a bucket of makeup.

Adam: I need answers. Why does NYU think I'm you?
Beverly: Surprise! I applied to NYU and got in. Yay! Dreams do come true.
Adam: Do they? Do they?!
Beverly: I mean, did I want to spend the next four years with my baby as his best friend/study buddy? Of course I did. Did I think it would actually happen? Of course, again.
Murray: And you thought this was a good idea?
Beverly: What I was thinking is that he shouldn't go to his dream school without his dream girl.
Brea: I'm gonna go.
Adam: Run. I would, too, if I didn't have exercise-related asthma.
Beverly: See you around the student union, fellow Bobcat. Roar!

Erica: Not only am I wrongly blamed for putting your father's porcelain horses in unspeakable positions, but worse, you thought I did it.
Geoff: Well, in my defense, I actually kind of liked that you did it.
Erica: What are you saying right now?
Geoff: I'm saying I like bad girls. Like Olivia Newton-John in Grease, when she was pretending to be someone she wasn't. Ooh-la-la.
Erica: Oh, my God. You don't even know what a bad girl is.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, high school was a tricky place for me. I didn't always enjoy the acceptance of my classmates, or the teachers, or the principal, or the building. But I had applied to my dream school with my dream girl, and our envelopes from NYU had arrived.
Brea: Nervous?
Adam: No. I'm cool as a cucumber that's been hot-brined and barrel-aged for maximum flavor. I'm your special pickle, baby.
Brea: Just part of the charm of sharing this moment with your family instead of my own.
Beverly: Pish-posh, Brea. Your mother's divorced. She's got bigger fish to fry.

Barry: Found a letter for you, Adam. It was wedged in the pages of my Us Weekly. There's an article about the guy inside Chewbacca.
Murray: Damn it, will you just give him the obviously tragic news?
Barry: Okay, but it's thin.
Adam: I'm on the wait list.
Beverly: It's not a total rejection. Remember when we went to Benihana for Erica's birthday and we got on the wait list? We ultimately got in.
Adam: At 9:45. Dad fell asleep and burnt his forehead on the grill table.
Barry: And they were out of hibachi butter garlic shrimp. All they had was hibachi butter sea salt shrimp. Why even call yourself a place of business?

Beverly: We need to talk.
Adam: So sorry in advance.
Mr. Glascott: Damn it, door, you have one job!
Adam: Are you eating your own personal pan cookie?
Mr. Glascott: I eat one every day.
Adam: That seems like too much.
Mr. Glascott: Does being happy seem like too much?
Beverly: Enough about the man's giant daily cookie.

Erica: It's been years, years of your father's passive aggressive resentment. You have to tell him.
Joanne: I hear you, but here's the thing, I don't want to. See, things used to be pretty tense between me and old Lou. You know how he calls me Jojo now? Well, he used to call me a bad girl. Like Olivia Newton-John in Grease.
Erica: Have either of you actually seen that movie?
Joanne: Like when she comes back with those black pants, and her hair's all piled up?
Geoff: Ooh-la-la, right?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] So I gathered the people who knew me best to remind me of some of the many difficulties I'd overcome.
Adam: Okay. Obstacles. What do we got?
Brea: Uh, that substitute PE teacher did make you jump rope in gym.
Adam: Not really. I just had to collect all the jump ropes. But they did get into a nasty tangle which took well into my snack period to undo.

Beverly: Oh, you were the most beautiful little boy in kindergarten.
Adam: How is that an obstacle?!
Beverly: Well, a lot of the other parents got quite miffed 'cause I kept saying it.

Brea: You said beating The Legend of Zelda took way longer than you thought.
Adam: You're thinking of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, silly.
Brea: Right. I am silly.