Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was October 6th, 1980-something, and my mom and sister were excited to plan Erica's wedding. They just couldn't agree on the specifics. Or anything, really.
Virginia Kremp: Okay, let's add some beautiful marigolds, or as we, in the floral industry, refer to them as "teardrops from heaven."
Erica: I like those. What do you think, Mom?
Beverly: I think we, outside the floral industry, refer to those as "crapdrops from Crapville."
Virginia Kremp: Another, uh, visit to Crapville.
Beverly: I know what we need. Opulence, luxury, and all the orchids on the Eastern seaboard.
Virginia Kremp: Orchids are pretty temperamental.
Beverly: So am I. Which would you rather deal with?

Erica: Uh, don't I get a say in this? I'm the bride.
Beverly: So? I made the bride. None of this would be possible without my flexible pelvis.
Geoff: Such powerful imagery. If only my head was like an Etch A Sketch. [shakes head] Nope. Still there.
Erica: Control your body, Geoff. And this is my special day. You don't get to choose stuff.
Beverly: I get to choose all the stuff.
Erica: Then why don't you get married to Geoff?
Beverly: He should be so lucky. I'd be an excellent life partner for your young beau.
Geoff: This won't creep into my anxiety dreams tonight. See ya there.

Murray: Yo. Erica's special friend. Move.
Geoff: I'm sorry?
Murray: You should be. You're blocking my eye line. I can't see what "Small Wonder" has to say.
Bill Lewis: She may be a tiny robot, but she's big on life advice.
Geoff: Speaking of which, Erica and Mrs. G are really going at it in there. Should I intervene?
Murray: I have a policy about not getting involved in anything in any way, especially when it comes to mothers and daughters.
Geoff: That's worked for you?
Murray: I'm silently watching TV with my best friend, aren't I?
Bill Lewis: We haven't uttered a word to each other in five hours.
Geoff: So I'm supposed to just watch my future bride lose her mind while I shop for cummerbunds?
Murray: Look who's the small wonder now.

Bill Lewis: If you're worried about how to support your betrothed, there's one thing you can do... marriage class.
Geoff: You think that could help us?
Bill Lewis: It helped me and Dolores. Now I'm only slightly terrified when she says we have to talk.
Geoff: I live my life in constant terror!
Bill Lewis: Then let this be my gift to you. A five-pack of sessions with esteemed relationship expert, Dr. Carl.
Geoff: He sounds very good.
Bill Lewis: He might be the best. Or the only person that does this in the area.
Murray: The only lesson the boy needs is to buy a chair, sit in it, and shut up.

Beverly: [sings] # Here comes the mom # Here comes the mom # [chuckles] What do you think?
Geoff: Wow. Wow. Wow.
Beverly: Don't worry. I know it seems tight in through here, but it's still roomy enough at the bottom for me to do my dance solo. [snaps fingers]
Erica: It's white.
Beverly: It is egg cream.
Erica: It's clearly a bridal gown.
Beverly: Do you want me to coordinate with you or not? We're practically twin sisters, or so I expect to hear.
Erica: It's supposed to be my day.
Beverly: And it will be. Mostly.
Erica: You are unbelievable.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, Geoff had a choice... do nothing like my dad suggested, or stand up and support his wife like he learned from Dr. Carl.
Geoff: Mrs. Goldberg, I have to say something you need to hear.
Beverly: Oh, my. Are you gathering yourself right now, Geoffrey? [chuckles] Your spine doesn't have that usual candy cane shape.
Geoff: I love your daughter, and I want this wedding to be a positive experience for her, so I am respectfully asking you to take a step back. [dramatic music plays]
Beverly: I see. [pulls veil down] Message received.
Geoff: Uh... okay. Great. [chuckles] That went well.

Geoff: Your loving and supportive fiance just asked your mother to take a step back.
Erica: A step back? As in backwards? As in away from the wedding?
Geoff: Why is your tone so haunting and ominous? It went well. She even said, "I see."
Erica: This is bad. This is really bad.
Geoff: "I see." She saw.
Erica: Even if she says she saw, she never sees.
Geoff: I see.
Erica: Do you?
Geoff: I see that I saw differently that she said she saw.
Erica: What?
Geoff: I don't know!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Geoff and Erica had cut my mom out of the wedding planning and were hoping the rest would be a piece of cake.
Geoff: Mmm. What do you think?
Erica: I don't know.
Geoff: It's rich. Moist. Chocolatey.
Erica: But is it chocolatey enough?
Geoff: It's called "Death By Chocolate," so...
Erica: So, it's too chocolatey? What if a dog gets ahold of it?
Geoff: How many dogs are gonna be at our wedding?
Erica: What if the caterers are blind?
Geoff: All of them?
Erica: It could happen. How many seeing eye dogs have to die for our one day of happiness, Geoff?

Murray: Mine's spongy.
Geoff: Why are you here again?
Murray: It's a cake tasting. Need I explain?

Murray: I told you so. I was gonna say, "I'm not gonna say I told you so," but this buttercream is making me a lot less sassy.
Geoff: You're a wonderful resource.
Murray: It's mothers and daughters. You're not gonna understand, and you never will.
Geoff: But Dr. Carl said...
Murray: Dr. Carl doesn't sound like a real doctor.
Geoff: He went to the medical school of life. The road was his teacher, and he says they still keep in touch.
Murray: Just stay out of it. 50 years of letting it silently wash over you, then you die. That's the goal.