Adam: I do have many strong opinions about Harrison Ford's treatment of replicants.

Beverly: Hear ye, hear ye! I've just finished the first two chapters of a book, and I've decided I'm going to go to night school and start a career.
Geoff: Yes! This is such an exciting day for everyone.
Murray: Did you say, uh, you're gonna go to night school?
Beverly: That's right. School at night.
Murray: But isn't night when we have dinner and watch TV and then have dessert and watch TV?
Beverly: You can watch "Airwolf" without me. Also, cook and tidy up and help the kids with their homework.

Murray: Look, I love everything that you're saying. But why change a little, when you can change a lot? That's right. I'm talking hair.
Beverly: My hair?
Murray: Yeah, everyone knows your giant, golden hair-dome. It's your thing.
Beverly: Well, I have had this exact hair since I was a tiny baby.
Murray: Well, you know what they say, "Real change starts on the outside."
Beverly: I have heard something like that.

Murray: Oh [bleep].
Beverly: Is that good or bad? It's bad, right? I can feel it still tightening.
Murray: No, no. I love it.
Beverly: Really? I look like Babs?
Murray: Total Streisand. You look like a a beautiful bag of springs.
Beverly: I knew it. [Lucky growls] The dog seems agitated.
Murray: Yeah, Lucky doesn't like change. But I do. Love the change.

Other Erica: Oh, barf, you're here already? Where's your sister?
Adam: She's in a towel.
Other Erica: Like, hello?
Adam: I have a girlfriend.
Dave Kim: I don't. I'm Dave Kim. Sup?
Adam: Not now, Dave Kim.

Adam: Well, if we know one thing from our favorite college movie, it's that nerds always get their revenge.
Dave Kim: It might be the Jolt Cola coursing through my body, but I am an unstoppable force. Gahhhh!

Barry: Well, I will never live a life with semi-curly hair. I must go bigger.
Andy: "Industrial Hair Tightener"?
Barry: According to the sassy lady at the beauty store, this is the strongest perm solution on the market.
Geoff: It also says it's the premier cosmetic product for show horses.
Barry: Indeed. Directions say 15 minutes max. I'll double that and go 50.
Matt: Dude, do not do that.
Barry: Oh, it's done. I'm going where no perm has gone before.
Beverly: Looking good, Schmoo.
Barry: No one likes a show-off, Mom.

Mr. Glascott: Sweet Medusa.
Beverly: I'm here to return your book, John. I don't need it. As you can see, I've already made some huge changes.
Mr. Glascott: Uh, yeah, it, uh, draws the eye.
Beverly: Oh, you noticed my permanent. You like?
Mr. Glascott: Um, I guess I have to say yes.
Beverly: Well, why are you looking at the floor?
Mr. Glascott: Hmm? Am I?
Beverly: Well, now you're looking at the wall. Now you're looking everywhere but my hair.
Mr. Glascott: Hmm?
Beverly: I'll have you know my husband loves my hair.
Mr. Glascott: Really? Well, your husband has a very casual relationship with the truth.

Beverly: I feel as good as this perm looks.
Mr. Glascott: Okay, well, I wish you a speedy recovery. You know what? Let's get an honest opinion. Thoughts?
Johnny Atkins: You were so hot, Mrs. G. Why'd you have to do it? Why? Know what? Change is bad. Screw college.

Chad Kremp: Now what?
Dave Kim: I guess we rifle through their drawers and steal underpants?
Adam: Um, now that we're actually here, it kind of feels weird and invasive.
Dave Kim: This felt much more lighthearted in the movie. If someone stole my private stuff, I'd feel super violated.
Adam: I'd call the police. I mean, it's a legit crime.