Beverly: I need real ideas for my next big move. What do I do? Who do I become?
Barry: Oh, I know. A whale trainer.
Murray: Your mother doesn't even like to get her hair wet. She's not gonna ride some stupid orca.
Barry: Orcas are the nursemaids of the sea.
Murray: What do you know? We went to SeaWorld once.
Barry: Big Tasty knows everything there is about whales.
Murray: You tell me something I don't know about those dumb fish and I'll leave you alone. One thing.
Barry: Did you know whales age in reverse?
Murray: That's what you know? Shame on you for wasting my time.

Murray: Okay, you wanna change? I got it. Instead of parming shrimp, parm some delicious crab.
Barry: Or some of the big shrimp. You know, the big ones? You dip them into the red sauce. The big ones. They're thicker and bigger.
Murray: What are you talking about?
Barry: I'm trying to help your wife! The jumbo kind of shrimp, you know, you eat them cold, you dip them into cocktail sauce.
Beverly: Please stop talking about big shrimp.

Adam: Hey, Dad, when you were in college, did you ever build a Jacuzzi in your dorm room?
Murray: No.
Adam: Hey, Dad, did you ever use a laser to fill a house with popcorn?
Murray: No.
Adam: Hey, Dad, ever put a horse in your crusty old dean's office?
Murray: Will you pick a movie already? I got Chinese food stinking up the car!
Adam: "Revenge of the Nerds" it is. I hear the 10th viewing is when you really start noticing the nuances.

Beverly: I did it. I worked the computer all by myself and made my first official resume.
Murray: What do you need a resume for?
Beverly: Da-doi. For the Bevolution, my new chapter in life where I move beyond being a mom and start tying new things, like saying "Da-doi."
Murray: Doesn't work.
Barry: Just horrible.
Beverly: And now I know.

Barry: Attention, JTP.
All: JTP!
Barry: The time has come for a Barry-o-lution. I don't have time to explain what that means, but I am guaranteed to be the sexiest man in all of Jenkintown after my awesome transformation.
Matt: I think you should be happy with the way you are. You're amazing, man.
Barry: Save your kind words, Matthew!

Barry: I was up all night studying the coolest specimens in the history of mankind. As you can see, they have one thing in common. Behold their untamed curly locks.
Andy: Whoa.
Geoff: He's right.
Matt: He cracked the code.
Barry: According to my calculations, if I join this exclusive club, I am guaranteed to have the greatest senior year in history.
Naked Rob: Dude, that's impossible.
Geoff: You can't just go out and get Bon Jovi hair.
Barry: Can't I, Naked Robert?
Andy: The Toni Home Perm. My uncle uses that, and he once got confused for John Oates at the airport.
Barry: My point is proven. Time for the Barry-o-lution to begin.

Geoff: The directions say the longer we leave the curlers in, the tighter the perm will be.
Barry: Like the saying goes, more curls, more girls.
Matt: I don't think that's a saying, dude.

Andy: You are gonna love how the pain makes you feel pretty.
Barry: I can feel the beauty burning into my scalp.

Adam: Okay, here's the Kappa house as I see it in my head. Here's the Jell-O wrestling ring, the beer fountain, the baby-oil wrestling pool, dry T-shirt storage for wet T-shirt contests, and finally, the pillow-fighting pit.
All: Whoa.
Adam: Maintain focus. We then proceed past Erica, up the back stairs, and you know what happens then.
Sergei: Oh, yes. Pantry raid.
Adam: Yes. Wait, what?
Sergei: We steal their precious food?
Adam: Dude, it's not a pantry raid. In the movie, they steal underpants. Just follow me. If we stay low and move fast, this will be the greatest night of our lives. Time to show college what we're made of, gentlemen.

Barry: I don't know. My perm just doesn't seem that perm-y.
Naked Rob: I'm gonna be real here. Your hair looks exactly the same.
Andy: Yeah, like a Brillo pad went to town on a lasagna pan.
Matt: Or the beginning stages of a Chia Pet.
Geoff: I've always seen it as a jacked-up bird's nest.