Barry: If I hadn't promised to spend spring break helping Joanne move, I'd so be in La La Land, partying at Spago with Sigourney Weaver, James Worthy, and Duran Duran.
Adam: None of those people will let you in their party.
Barry: It's my party! I may not let them in.
Adam: So you're gonna travel to a city where you know no one and throw a party?
Barry: At a Malibu mansion!
Adam: At a mansion you don't own!
Barry: We got a day rate!

Beverly: You used to be my sweet baby boy, afraid of the world, and now you'll be a hardened card fiend, willing to bet it all.
Adam: Card fiend? It's a friendly game.
Beverly: Please, my manicurist's son put a single nickel into a slot machine. Next thing you know, he's playing Russian Roulette to settle his cockfighting debts. He shot himself in the cheek, dimple to dimple. Now when he swigs water, he sprays like an Italian fountain.
Adam: None of that ever happened.
Beverly: Well, it's not happening to you, so go to class thankful you don't have any extra holes in your tiny perfect body, and we'll figure out your punishment later.
Adam: I think you discussing my holes at school is punishment enough, but okay.

Geoff: Hey, this is weird.
Erica: I thought you were going to Fort Lauderdale or something.
Geoff: Yeah, sure. I mean, I love sun and sand, but I'll probably just surf here. You know, hanging loose and hanging ten and all the other hangings.
Lainey: You surf now?
Geoff: I'm sort of a big wave chaser.
Lainey: Haven't seen you in a while, so I guess anything's possible.
Geoff: Cowabunga and whatnot.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] L.A. in the '80s. It was all sunshine, palm trees, and movie stars, and nothing captured that West Coast magic quite like Randy Newman's iconic anthem...
Randy Newman: [sings] ♪ I love L.A. ♪ ♪ We love it ♪
Barry: Randy Newman... now there's a man who oozes laid-back, California cool.
Erica: He looks like your friend's dad, the one who doesn't work really.
Adam: And his lyrics really tell you what L.A. is all about by name-checking five different boulevards. So many boulevards.
Erica: While also giving it to New York and Chicago for being in a different climate. He's right, it is cold there sometimes.

Erica: I'm sorry, but the only place I want to be is away from this conversation.
Beverly: Who's getting away? Tell me you're not doing something selfish, like joining the Peace Corps.
Erica: Barry wants me to go to L.A.
Beverly: L.A.? [scoffs] Those health nuts don't cheese anything, and "sugar" is just something your agent calls you.

Erica: Don't worry. I just want to hunker down and not run into Geoff.
Barry: Well, there's no fear of that. He's already left for spring break.
Erica: To where? Daytona? South Padre? I don't care. Tell me now! Okay, I-I don't care.
Beverly: Those beaches are inappropriate. The only time a T-shirt should be wet is when Adam goes swimming in front of his classmates.
Adam: Mom got a doctor to say that I had a medical excuse.

Beverly: Yay! My middle Schmoopie helping my oldest Schmoopie while my youngest Schmoopie looks on. [sings] ♪ I love my schmoos ♪
Adam: Oh, no! She's co-opted the Randy Newman song and ruined its message of municipal pride!
Beverly: ♪ Look at that Adam ♪ ♪ Look at that Barry ♪ ♪ Look at that Erica, too ♪ ♪ I love my schmoos ♪
Barry: She loves us!
Beverly: I love 'em!

Adam: Did you know when you have the best hand it's called "having the nuts"? "Having the nuts," Dave Kim! No wonder people love poker!

Dave Kim: I always thought poker players were insufferable, but not when it's us!
Barry: Pssht! No one ever learned stuff from a book. I'll teach you everything you need to know.
Dave Kim: Is that a Popsicle shaped like a baseball glove?
Barry: Dave Kim knows his sports foods.

Adam: Gah! For a few brief joyful moments, I forgot you work here.
Beverly: And I forgot you were a lying sack of dog crap.
Adam: Whoa! I'm your special schmoopy!
Beverly: Yeah, a schmoopy who lied to his mama about spending the night at a friend's house instead of playing games of chance with degenerates!
Adam: How'd you find out about that?
Beverly: Who do you think set up Corbett's mom with Officer Carl?
Adam: Oh, damn your extraordinary matchmaking skills!