Lainey: Excuse me, you look super familiar. Are you a famous movie star?
Erica: Yeah, I think it's because we went to high school together and you're my best friend.
Lainey: I knew it was from something. Oh, my God!
Erica: I've missed you!
Lainey: So much!
Erica: You sure? Because it seems like L.A.'s working out. What is this car?
Lainey: Oh, this old thing? It's fun to have the top down, but you'd be surprised how often pedestrians touch you at red lights.

Erica: Tell me everything. How's your music going?
Lainey: So great. I mean, there's a chance I could click the radio on right now and hear my latest single.
Presenter: [on radio] Coldwater Canyon is the scene of a grisly murder today...
Lainey: So, how are you holding up?
Erica: Fine. So fine. So show me the town!
Lainey: Uh, it's more of a sprawling, shoddily designed metropolis without an obvious center, but let's do it.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] They saw the real L.A.... smog, traffic, a pretty noticeable wealth gap, and this neighborhood.
Erica: Oh, is this where Daniel-San and his single mom lived in The Karate Kid?
Lainey: That's so much nicer than here. This is a fun little pocket neighborhood called La Sangre De Los Condenados.
Erica: The blood of the damned?
Lainey: Look at you. Two years of high school Spanish paid off. [siren wails in distance] I can't lie to you anymore... I live here.
Erica: I'm so confused.
Lainey: We were gonna stay at this home of a producer I know who's in Aspen, but then I have to send him pictures of my feet.

Erica: I thought you were doing great and your song is on the radio.
Lainey: I said that my song could've been on the radio... if I had a song. Which I don't. Or any prospects of any kind.
Erica: But what about this fancy car?
Lainey: I rented it with every penny of next month's rent. It's future Lainey's problem.
Erica: Why didn't you just tell me?
Lainey: Because I know you were broken up about Geoff and wanted a kick-ass spring break, and I didn't want you worrying that I have $8 and live in this hellhole.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Lainey and Erica were reconnected, my lies were about to get me disconnected.
Adam: Oh, come on! You can't save your progress in Super Mario Bros.!
Murray: You think you can just spend the day with Marco and Linguini as if nothing happened?
Adam: Do you even know what I did?
Murray: Whatever it is, I'm very disappointed!
Beverly: You heard your father.
Murray: You're gonna go to Pop-Pop's and help him out around the house.
Adam: Pop-Pop?! He doesn't need my help. He's energized by a lifetime of spite and resentment.
Murray: You're gonna help him put on his compression socks.
Beverly: Open the sock real wide so his nails don't snag the material.

Murray: That reminds me... bring the toe clippers. Do you know how to do a medical pedicure?
Adam: Is this punishment or just a bunch of stuff you don't want to do?
Murray: Why can't it be both?
Adam: I'm still a child! I shouldn't have to learn about the world this way.
Murray: You're 11! It's about time for the blinders to come off.
Adam: I'm 17.
Murray: So are your grandpa's heel spurs, which need sanding.
Adam: Ugh! This is cruel and unusual!
Murray: You should have thought of that before you did or didn't do the thing that you did or didn't do.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] I had upped the ante and teamed with Pop-Pop for a poker party. All I had to do was round up a crew for a legendary night.
Adam: Check it! Everyone gets their own pouch of Big League Chew. We can act like we're dipping tobacco, but, really, we're enjoying mediocre gum!
Barry: [Southern accent] Candy and decorations? Y'all gonna make Tex Monte Carlo look like a fool.
Adam: Tex Monte Carlo?
Beverly: I'm an international riverboat gambler and man of justice. I get into and out of danger, usually involving money, women, or both.
Adam: Well, take it back to the mighty Mississippi because you're not invited.
Pop-Pop: Monte stays. Besides, we can use a cooler.
Barry: I am the coolest.
Adam: A cooler is an unlucky person who "cools" someone on a hot streak.
Barry: Whatever. At least I'm not bringing jelly beans to a poker party.
Pop-Pop: Monte's right. This place looks like The Good Ship Lollipop. Come on. We got to liven the vibe here.
Adam: Ooh, like a nice Greek platter with pita and cheeses and hummus.
Pop-Pop: Not at all. And don't get me started with the Greeks. Come on, come on, let's go.

Pop-Pop: See, the reason that Atlantic City plies people with stogies, booze, and broads is that the less clear the head, the more cash they drop.
Adam: Bar, is it okay that Pop-Pop's buying us beer, smokes, and smut?
Barry: Adam, this man is your grandfather. Honor him and grab me that Playboy with La Toya Jackson on the cover.
Pop-Pop: Hey, stop slow-dancing with each other! Let's go. Someone's gotta pay.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my parents couldn't read my poker face, Lainey and Erica celebrated their big gig at L.A.'s finest '80s eatery... the Cheesecake Factory.
Erica: So they don't even call your name?
Lainey: No, they page you, just like a doctor or, in rarer cases, a dentist.
Erica: Wow. L.A. people are just better than us.
Lainey: Yeah, the only knock on this place is the traffic. But trust me, they're gonna figure it out.
Erica: Oh, God. Look who it is.
Lainey: If it's TV's Webster, just play it cool and do not pick him up. He looks like an adorable toddler, but he's actually 31.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, the night was going better than expected. Until this happened.
Beverly: [enters] What in the [bleep]?!
Adam: Mom, before you get upset, I can explain! Barry, explain!
Barry: Mm-hmm. Simple. I came to keep Adam from the seductive and lonely life of a professional card player.
Beverly: Then why are you dressed like Kenny Rogers from "The Gambler"?
Barry: That guy dresses like me! [gasps] I'm so sorry!