Barry: Of course you take Erica's side. Once again, the forgotten middle child gets screwed!
Murray: Aw, not this crap.
Erica: Here we go again with your crazy middle child conspiracy theories.
Barry: Crazy real! You're constantly boned when you're the middle child. I get the bad spot on the couch, the runty piece of pizza, even your crappy hand-me-downs.
Erica: You do not!
Barry: Dad made me wear your "My Little Pony" overalls 'til I was nine!
Erica: It's 'cause Dad's cheap, not 'cause you're the middle child.
Murray: Also 'cause it was funny.

Barry: Stop your cross-fire! Everyone focus on Barry! Look, a thick-ass envelope from Penn.
Murray: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Thick from Penn?
Barry: You know it. I'm gonna rip the ass out of this envelope.
Murray: Yeah, go. Rip out the ass. Rip it but good.

Murray: [to Erica] Wait, when did you apply to Penn?
Barry: Yeah. [chuckles] So many questions. How? Why? No. And when? Also no!

Adam: In 30 years, people will talk about how the "Willow" trilogy changed their lives.
Beverly: No! No "Willow" for you, I mean it! I get one Mother's Day a year and I'm taking it.
Adam: This is what I get for being nice to you almost the whole morning?
Beverly: Okay! That's it! No "Willow" for you ever!
Adam: You can't just forbid me from "Willow" for the rest of my life!
Beverly: I just did.
Adam: Gah! I hate you!
Beverly: I see. Okay, then. Go. Enjoy your movie.
Adam: Thank you! [scoffs]
Beverly: [to the salesperson] These don't fit. I need a refund.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so I ditched my mom on Mother's Day to see "Willow." And when it was over... I had seen "Willow."
Adam: "Willow"!
Dave Kim: "Willow"!
Adam: And Val Kilmer!
Dave Kim: Val Kilmer was totally in the movie!
Adam: He was, wasn't he? Wow.

Adam: I kind of went to the mat on this "Willow" thing with my mom.
Dave Kim: How so?
Adam: Well, she said, "No 'Willow'." And then I got very emotional, cause, you know, "Willow." So I said, "Yes 'Willow'," and then she said, "No 'Willow'," again, and then I said I hate her.
Dave Kim: You told your mom you hate her on Mother's Day!?
Adam: Mistakes were made, Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: But for "Willow"?
Adam: I didn't know "Willow" was "Willow" at the time.
Dave Kim: That's really not cool, bro!
Adam: I know, Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: You better make it up to your mom, bro!
Adam: [sighs] I know, Dave Kim. But I blame "Willow."

Murray: I told you not to touch my body.
Barry: Okay. I can see you're mad, but for the record, this whole thing could have been avoided if you just cried tears of joy and twirled me.

Erica: Dude, why are you freaking out just 'cause I got into Penn?
Barry: 'Cause college is supposed to be the place where I finally break free from your hateful shadow! I mean it, you're not going.
Erica: I got a letter that says otherwise.
Murray: And a father.
Barry: Quiet, broken couch dad!

Erica: Dude, 6,000 kids go to Penn. Trust me, the last person I'll be hanging with is you.
Barry: Stop talking like you're going there! You may get first choice at everything else, but you will not take my college! Mark my words. This will not stand. This will not stand.

Murray: You know what else won't stand, moron? Me! Where's my ice?!
Geoff: I'm so sorry! I couldn't find a proper baggy! [trips and drops ice everywhere] Oh!
Murray: Ugh! I knew that hug was a mistake.
Geoff: You can't take it back, it already happened.