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42Quotes from ‘Mom Trumps Willow’

The Goldbergs: Mom Trumps Willow

622. Mom Trumps Willow

Aired May 1, 2019

Adam crosses a line as he tries to get out of spending Mother's Day with Beverly so he can see the new George Lucas film. Meanwhile, Barry's joy at getting into Penn State is short-lived when Erica announces she'll be going there too.

Quote from Erica

Erica: [congested] Happy Mother's Day. Sorry, but so much sinus pressure.
Beverly: Oh, no! Your cold got worse.
Adam: Aw, come on! She's clearly faking!
Beverly: Shame on you, Adam! For the past week, I have been closely monitoring Erica's cough, sniffles, sore throat, sour tummy, and uncontrollable eye twitch.
Erica: See? It does it on its own 'cause it's real.

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Quote from Erica

Erica: And that's how you get out of honoring your mother. That's right. For weeks, I've been planting seeds of worry. A tiny cough here, a body ache there, every day a calculated move leading to this very moment.
Adam: Bastard genius!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Boom! Barry did it! Barry got in! Everyone wants Barry!
Murray: Whoo-hoo! That makes three colleges!
Barry: But this is the one, baby! Best pre-med program on the East Coast.
Murray: The best!
Barry: Screw you, garbage safety schools Ithaca and Bucknell.
Murray: [chuckles] You're garbage. We don't need you now.

Quote from Geoff

Murray: Peanut, you did it!
Barry: How is this even happening?
Erica: Well, it was a hard year, and once my band was causing me more stress than joy, Geoff made me realize that I really needed some direction.
Geoff: All I did was get her transcripts, fill out the applications, and then cash in my Bar Mitzvah bonds to cover the fees.
Murray: I always liked this kid.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: So, that's the end of that? We good?
Beverly: We're great. Just look at all the stuff our faces are on! Mugs, keychain, welcome mat, blankie, car seat cover, baby bib, beach towel!
Adam: Why would I want a towel of us?
Beverly: Uh, so when you're at the beach or getting out of the shower, you can remember who loves you most?
Adam: And here I thought it was weird.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Doesn't matter, I'm off to go see "Willow." Ta!
Beverly: No "ta"! I made us reservations for brunch and Flamenco lessons and a couple's foot soak.
Adam: While that all sounds fun and also gross, you promised I could go see "Willow."
Beverly: I didn't promise "Willow." You want "Willow," but I think we both know there will be no "Willows" of any kind today.
Adam: You don't understand. "Willow" is the most important movie in a generation.
Beverly: And I'm the most important mom in a generation! Mom trumps "Willow."

Quote from Adam

Adam: Mornin', Sunshine.
Pops: Morning?
Adam: Looks like Mom's still mad and didn't make breakfast. But joke's on her 'cause we got Nintendo Cereal System!
Pops: Kiddo? Aren't you supposed to be at school?
Adam: Nah, it's only 11:30?! Balls! Nobody woke me up!
Pops: Well, don't you have an alarm clock?
Adam: I don't need one 'cause Mom always... Oh.

Quote from Adam

Dave Kim: Dude, you missed our English lit presentation.
Adam: I overslept 'cause my mom didn't wake me.
Dave Kim: Don't you have an alarm clock?
Adam: Why does everyone keep harping on this clock thing? You don't need one when you have a loving mother!

Quote from Adam

Carla: Hey, babe.
Adam: Ugh. It's still weird that you two are a thing.
Carla: Hells yeah we are. [Dave and Carla kiss] Um, your friend is totally watching us.
Adam: No! I turned my head. My lazy eye is still on you.
Carla: You're a freaky little guy, huh?
Adam: I'm just gonna walk away entirely.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I will not leave until you hear my airtight presentation of why I should be the one who goes to Penn.
Erica: Really, dude?
Barry: Geoffrey, wheel in the presentation cart.
Murray: Don't need a presentation. You both can go to the damn college.
Erica: Just let the dumbass do his thing and then he'll go away.
Barry: This will only take 80 minutes of your time. It includes a speech, slideshow, rap interlude, Q&A, intermission with kosher salami, followed by an elegant closing ceremony, and surprise T-shirt giveaway.
Geoff: They're all men's mediums.

Quote from Adam

Adam: She leave any messages for me?
Pops: Yeah, she did. I wrote it down. "I'm done."
Adam: Unbelievable! She really is done and it's taking its toll on me!
Pops: Kiddo, just tell her you're sorry.
Adam: I tried, but nothing works. This morning, I asked her if she wanted to take a bite of my neck meat, and you know what she said? "Nah, man." She called me "man," man!
Pops: That is bad.

Quote from Pops

Pops: There's gotta be some way to fix this.
Adam: Yeah, she said to go back in time and be the sweet little boy that loved her more than anything.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And then it hit me. Sears Photo Session.
Adam: Wait that's it! I know exactly what to do! Boom!
[cut to:]
Pops: Hey, kid, I-I don't think this is the answer.
Adam: I've never been more confident of anything in my whole life.
Pops: You really shouldn't be.

Quote from Adam

Photographer: All right, let's get to work uh, whoa!
Adam: You don't happen to have an oversized lollipop, do you?
Photographer: Yeah, I can't take this photo.
Pops: Just take the photo.
Adam: Just shoot it, dude!
Photographer: Look, I don't know why an old man wants this photo, but I'm thinking I shouldn't be a part of it.
Pops: It's not for me!
Adam: Trust me, there's nothing weird about it. It's for my mom.
Pops: Not helping!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Query! Let's say a certain applicant lied to admissions about flunking out of music college. Would Penn wanna know about it?
Dean: That's an extremely specific question, but I guess we'd look into it. Now, about declaring a major-
Erica: Would it also be concerning if another applicant was so selfish that he'd jeopardize his sister's future, and also once he pooped on the bus?
Dean: Another very specific question. I think I misheard you. What happened on the bus?
Barry: I can speak to that hypothetical and assure you that only happened 'cause the facilities at Colonial Williamsburg were inadequate.
Erica: Would the school also reconsider an applicant because he challenged a horse to a fight on more than one occasion?
Barry: Or is that the kind of passionate individual Penn is looking for?
Dean: No. Definitely not.
Barry: Should the university be aware that a certain student once sling-shotted her training bra at Donnie Wahlberg at a New Kids concert?
Erica: Should the university also be aware that another certain student practiced kissing on a Miss Piggy puppet?
Barry: Hey! The university must know the facts! You accepted an incoming freshman who was busted in kindergarten for eating paste.
Erica: How dare you?! And it had glitter in it.
Barry: Regardless, you accepted a student who will ruin my life!

Quote from Beverly

Adam: According to you, there's one way to undo you being done, which is to go back to being the little boy who loved you so much.
Beverly: I think we both know that's not possible, Adam.
Adam: Or is it?
Beverly: [gasps] What the [bleep] is that, man?!
Adam: You wanted me to go back in the time machine? Well, I did it! I'm back, baby!
Beverly: Oh, my God, look at you! Why would you do this?
Adam: I-I thought you wanted me to!
Beverly: Sweet Lord in heaven, you look like a cursed doll!
Adam: This gesture was supposed to show you that I love you!
Beverly: Adam. If you ever go to prison for something terrible, this is the picture they'll show, and people will look at it and say, like, "Oh, yeah, I get it."

Quote from Dave Kim

Adam: You know, I've been thinking a lot about "Willow," and I gotta say, the movie stayed with me.
Dave Kim: Me too, bro! I mean, Val Kilmer!
Adam: Val Kilmer!
Dave Kim: That dude is awesome in everything he does. "Top Secret," "Real Genius," "Lost Boys."
Adam: Val Kilmer isn't in "Lost Boys."
Dave Kim: Of course he is. He's the vampire with the face and the fangs.
Adam: I will bet you 20 large that you are dead wrong, Dave Kim.
Dave Kim: You are so on!
Adam: We'll just go to the public library, scan the microfiche, and pore over every People magazine on file. After hours of researching and cross-referencing, boom! We will have our answer!
Dave Kim: Dude, our modern world is awesome.


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