Adam: She leave any messages for me?
Pops: Yeah, she did. I wrote it down. "I'm done."
Adam: Unbelievable! She really is done and it's taking its toll on me!
Pops: Kiddo, just tell her you're sorry.
Adam: I tried, but nothing works. This morning, I asked her if she wanted to take a bite of my neck meat, and you know what she said? "Nah, man." She called me "man," man!
Pops: That is bad.

Pops: There's gotta be some way to fix this.
Adam: Yeah, she said to go back in time and be the sweet little boy that loved her more than anything.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And then it hit me. Sears Photo Session.
Adam: Wait that's it! I know exactly what to do! Boom!
[cut to:]
Pops: Hey, kid, I-I don't think this is the answer.
Adam: I've never been more confident of anything in my whole life.
Pops: You really shouldn't be.

Photographer: All right, let's get to work uh, whoa!
Adam: You don't happen to have an oversized lollipop, do you?
Photographer: Yeah, I can't take this photo.
Pops: Just take the photo.
Adam: Just shoot it, dude!
Photographer: Look, I don't know why an old man wants this photo, but I'm thinking I shouldn't be a part of it.
Pops: It's not for me!
Adam: Trust me, there's nothing weird about it. It's for my mom.
Pops: Not helping!

Barry: Query! Let's say a certain applicant lied to admissions about flunking out of music college. Would Penn wanna know about it?
Dean: That's an extremely specific question, but I guess we'd look into it. Now, about declaring a major-
Erica: Would it also be concerning if another applicant was so selfish that he'd jeopardize his sister's future, and also once he pooped on the bus?
Dean: Another very specific question. I think I misheard you. What happened on the bus?
Barry: I can speak to that hypothetical and assure you that only happened 'cause the facilities at Colonial Williamsburg were inadequate.
Erica: Would the school also reconsider an applicant because he challenged a horse to a fight on more than one occasion?
Barry: Or is that the kind of passionate individual Penn is looking for?
Dean: No. Definitely not.
Barry: Should the university be aware that a certain student once sling-shotted her training bra at Donnie Wahlberg at a New Kids concert?
Erica: Should the university also be aware that another certain student practiced kissing on a Miss Piggy puppet?
Barry: Hey! The university must know the facts! You accepted an incoming freshman who was busted in kindergarten for eating paste.
Erica: How dare you?! And it had glitter in it.
Barry: Regardless, you accepted a student who will ruin my life!

Adam: According to you, there's one way to undo you being done, which is to go back to being the little boy who loved you so much.
Beverly: I think we both know that's not possible, Adam.
Adam: Or is it?
Beverly: [gasps] What the [bleep] is that, man?!
Adam: You wanted me to go back in the time machine? Well, I did it! I'm back, baby!
Beverly: Oh, my God, look at you! Why would you do this?
Adam: I-I thought you wanted me to!
Beverly: Sweet Lord in heaven, you look like a cursed doll!
Adam: This gesture was supposed to show you that I love you!
Beverly: Adam. If you ever go to prison for something terrible, this is the picture they'll show, and people will look at it and say, like, "Oh, yeah, I get it."

Adam: You know, I've been thinking a lot about "Willow," and I gotta say, the movie stayed with me.
Dave Kim: Me too, bro! I mean, Val Kilmer!
Adam: Val Kilmer!
Dave Kim: That dude is awesome in everything he does. "Top Secret," "Real Genius," "Lost Boys."
Adam: Val Kilmer isn't in "Lost Boys."
Dave Kim: Of course he is. He's the vampire with the face and the fangs.
Adam: I will bet you 20 large that you are dead wrong, Dave Kim.
Dave Kim: You are so on!
Adam: We'll just go to the public library, scan the microfiche, and pore over every People magazine on file. After hours of researching and cross-referencing, boom! We will have our answer!
Dave Kim: Dude, our modern world is awesome.

Adam: Please, let me join in on your breakfast! Here, I can make toast!
Barry: Already did.
Adam: No! That's all I'm capable of!

Barry: There she is! Guess what special day it is, pretty lady?
Beverly: Happy Mother's Day! It's Mother's Day! For me!
Barry: Look what I alone made for you!
Beverly: Aww, my Sugartush charred me a Belgian waffle and put a poison flower on top.
Barry: I woke up at dawn just to make everything right for my wonderful mama-bear!

Adam: Let's just make it super fast 'cause I got big plans today with Dave Kim.
Beverly: Plans? What plans?
Adam: "Willow"! It's George Lucas' blockbuster follow-up to "Star Wars"!
Erica: [congested] Wow, it's like super selfish to pick some movie over your mom. I don't even know what to say.
Barry: I do. You're a bad son.
Adam: Gah! Let's just go and take these photos super fast 'cause "Willow"!

Barry: Whoa, wait! You guys are watching "Knight Rider" and didn't even invite me? Scootch!
Erica: You scootch. I'm already here.
Barry: That's the best spot on the couch and I'm sick of you always hogging it.
Murray: Damn it! I can't hear the snooty car talk. Either sit down, or get out.