Beverly: [on tape] This is a story about comptrol. My comptrol. Comptrol of what I say and comptrol of what I do. And this time, I'm gonna do it my way.
Pops: This time?
Beverly: [on tape] I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Are we ready? I am. 'Cause it's all about comptrol. And I've got lots of it. [cheers and applause] [sings] ♪ When I was 17 ♪ ♪ I did what people told me ♪ ♪ Did what my father said ♪ ♪ And let my mother mold me ♪ ♪ But that was long ago ♪ ♪ I'm in comptrol ♪ ♪ Never gonna stop ♪ ♪ Comptrol ♪ ♪ Get what I want ♪ ... ♪ Comptrol ♪
Adam: And it goes on like that for another 17 minutes.
Beverly: Isn't it amazing?
Pops: I have so many questions. Starting with, what the [bleep] was that?
Beverly: Just a rousing appeal to the voters of Jenkintown.
Pops: Murray, please jump in here!
Murray: I like it.
Beverly: Yay! Schmoo, let's send a copy to MTV. They'll play it, and we'll have the youth vote in the bag.
Adam: That's for sure how it works.

Pops: All right, Murray, it's a fact... you're up to something.
Murray: Can't a man support his wife?
Pops: If the man is you? Typically, no. She's clearly out of comptrol. What's going on?
Murray: You know how Bevy's always looking for purpose in her life and she always has these bad ideas of what her next chapter should be?
Pops: Sure. Teaching. Cookbooking. Selling mannequins door to door. It was surprising how well that went.
Murray: I'm sick of being the one to tell her how stupid her life choices are.
Pops: There's probably a better way to say that.
Murray: Exactly. I'm gonna let the voters tell her for me. Let them be the bad guy. And then, I'll be the supportive husband who doesn't have to move.
Pops: That actually makes some sense.
Murray: That's what I was going for.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Ah, politics of the '80s. TV gave us the great soundbite...
Ronald Reagan: [archive footage] There you go again.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...devastating one-liners...
Lloyd Bentsen: [archive footage] Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...the iconic ad...
Narrator: [archive footage] It's morning again in America.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...and whatever this was supposed to be. And then there was the day that politics showed up on our doorstep.
Dodd Wembley: Hello, citizen. Dodd Wembley. I'm running for comptroller of our fair city. Here. Have a button.
Beverly: You want me to take a needle and stab my cheetah face?
Dodd Wembley: That is quite the majestic cat on your front there. S'pose a hat wouldn't do the trick?
Beverly: Like I'm gonna jam my best feature into your ball cap.
Dodd Wembley: Welp, don't forget to vote on Tuesday. Dodd Wembley, comptroller.

Beverly: Tell me... how do you plan to comptrol the leaves in my gutter?
Dodd Wembley: I don't. That's not what a comptroller does.
Beverly: Passing the buck, I see.
Dodd Wembley: I tell you what. If you let me leave, I'll find someone to cut something down.
Beverly: Or you could just unbutton your shirt and try to nurse me, 'cause clearly you think I was born yesterday.
Dodd Wembley: I give up. Vote, don't vote, do whatever you want.
Beverly: Oh, I'm a voter. I vote hard and often, and I have to say you have zero charisma, charm, or appeal.
Dodd Wembley: Seems unfair, but I'm running unopposed, so I technically don't need your vote.
Beverly: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna throw all my support behind your opponent.
Dodd Wembley: I have no opponent.
Beverly: You do now... me!

Dodd Wembley: What's that now?
Beverly: I'm at a crossroads in my life, as you know.
Dodd Wembley: I do not. We just met.
Beverly: Political office will give me purpose in my empty-nest years.
Dodd Wembley: Oh.
Beverly: And that is why I am officially declaring my candidacy for... What is this again?
Dodd Wembley: Comptroller.
Beverly: I am now this fair city's comptroller!
Dodd Wembley: Still gotta have an election.
Beverly: Ah! Even more to do! America!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was October 28th, 1980-something. Erica and Geoff were finally going to be in college together, and he was busy with her last-minute packing.
Geoff: All these slippers coming with, Hon?
Erica: I don't know, Geoff. Yes? No? Take some initiative.
Geoff: Sorry, panda slippers, she will see you on break.
Ren: Oh, the panda slippers are so cute.
Erica: You're not bringing the pandas?
Geoff: The answer's right there in your angry tone!

Erica: This apartment looks perfect for us... one bedroom, light and airy...
Geoff: Is it on campus?
Erica: Hell no. We wanna be as far away from that place as possible.
Geoff: Perfect! Also, why exactly?
Erica: 'Cause campus is for freshmen.
Geoff: But I am a freshman.
Erica: Who's dating a sophomore, so you can skip all that freshman nonsense because I've done it already.
Geoff: I guess I never looked at it that way. 'Cause why would I?
Erica: Listen, it's just a bunch of loud, sweaty parties where you're stuck with dumbasses who are going through the same giant life change as you.
Geoff: Who would want that fun and familiarity? Well, thank you, Sweets. I got dangerously close to actually getting excited about something.
Erica: It's cool. It all worked out.

Erica: But Geoff wants no part of Freshman Week. He's got an upperclass girlfriend, and we're over it.
Barry: Opposite!
Geoff: Maybe I could just stop by for some ice cream?
Erica: Fine, go. You'll see for yourself how lame it is.
Barry: Barry wins!
Geoff: Thanks, Babe, for allowing me to learn by failing.

Adam: [v.o.] With that, Geoff's Freshman Week began. And Barry kicked it off with a classic... egg toss.
Barry: Look alive! Here's another! You're paying tuition for this.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And then, there were ice-breaking games.
Clive: Wooden teeth, crossed the Delaware...
Geoff: Am I George Washington?
Clive: Yes!
Geoff: Yes!
Barry: Noice! [throws an egg at Geoff]
Geoff: Why?

Pops: I'm with the boy, Mur. What's your game here?
Murray: No game. I'm just being a supportive husband. I'm kinda great.
Pops: That's the thing... you're not.
Murray: I'm a riddle.
Pops: You said that.