Bill Lewis: Shame on us for competing over who cares more about Thanksgiving. Although, if it was a competition, clearly I'd win because I'm a single dad and this day is all I got.
Beverly: Oh, would you win, though? 'Cause I'm the one with three kids about to leave the nest and pretty soon it'll just be me and Murray staring silently at each other across a long table thinking, "Is this all there is?"

Bill Lewis: Sad story, Bev. But not as sad as the Thanksgiving when Lainey's mommy left.
Lainey: Which isn't important, 'cause it's not a competition.
Bill Lewis: No, it isn't. So it doesn't matter that I tell you that year I was too depressed to cook. Little Lainey looked up at me and said, "Why no twurkey, Dada?" [Normal voice] In that moment, I vowed that I would always fry her a turkey.
Lainey: Okay, now you're both just competing over whose life is sadder.

Beverly: Oh, you want sad? I'll give you sad. It was Thanksgiving 1946, but where was Grandma? Not at dinner. She was pinned underneath a trolley car.

Murray: What the hell is this?
Marvin: Now who's Michael Knight, you dook nugget?
Murray: You made my son an accessory to grand theft auto just to get back at me?
Adam: It was worth it! Unless I go to jail. Then it was not worth it.

Bill Lewis: Get ready to gobble gobble, Goldbergs.
Beverly: Yes, we're all very excited to eat a turkey that's been fried in a trash can.

Geoff: I thought Barry was messing with me when he said K.I.T.T. was here. "Knight Rider" is my favorite show.
Erica: Mine too! I love the knights and horses and swords.
Lainey: Maybe don't talk until you've seen it.

Murray: What the hell did you do to my station wagon?
Adam: Isn't it great? I turned it into G.I.T.T., which stands for Goldberg Industries Turbo Transport.
Murray: Well, you're a moron, which stands for moron, moron.
Adam: That doesn't work as an acronym.

Beverly: However, it is Thanksgiving. It's the one day a year when we gather together as a family and appreciate the feast that I've been working on for months.
Murray: In your face.

Murray: Okay, don't get sucked in. He's not a real cop. He's just an idiot that works in a mall.
Marvin: Actually, Mur-Man, for the record, I'm more than a cop. I'm above the law. The laws don't apply to me. I'm like The Equalizer or Batman.
Murray: Both of which aren't real, just like your badge.
Marvin: Does this look not real to you? We got a 10-50 at the Goldberg residence, please respond.
Barry: Cool. What's a 10-50?
Marvin: A homicide.
Murray: Murder? Isn't HQ gonna respond?
Marvin: No, they can tell by the tone of my voice I'm just having a little fun.

Barry: Okay, I'm heading out. See you at 9:00 when Thanksgiving is over.
Beverly: What?
Barry: Lainey's dad invited me to their big dinner, and I'm going, even though I know what you're gonna say [High-pitched voice] "My name is Mom, and this is the most important day of the year for me."
Pops: Ha! That's totally her!