Erica: Oh, hello. I did not see you sitting there.
Barry: I agree.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The overlord of this insanity was Mr. Mellor, a gung-ho ex-Jock filled with stupid sports cliches.
Coach Mellor: No pain, no gain! There is no "i" in team! Winners never quit! Quitters never win!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And some of his sayings we just found confusing.
Coach Mellor: It is never okay to put butter on a doughnut! Dance like no one's watching! Love like you've never been hurt! Don't trust your cousin on a road trip with your wife.

Coach Mellor: You want me to cancel dodgeball? One of the seven pillars of fitness?
Beverly: What are the other six?
Coach Mellor: Look, canceling dodgeball would be like canceling science. Is that what you want? A world with no science? Why do you hate NASA? Why?
Beverly: I don't hate it. They gave us tang. What I do hate is dodgeball.

Coach Mellor: Dodgeball is an essential part of strengthening a young man's character, and nobody needs that more than your son.
Beverly: How dare you? My son has the strength and character of three Lou Ferrignos!
Coach Mellor: How dare you invoke Lou Ferrigno? How dare you! I'm not gonna stand here and let you push me around! I'm not scared of you.
Beverly: Well, you should be. I'd think twice about this if I were you.
Coach Mellor: No. I will not think at all.
Beverly: If there's any more dodgeball in this school, you will regret it. Mark my words.
Coach Mellor: I will mark no words.
Beverly: Mark them!

Coach Mellor: Grab a ball! Same teams. On my whistle.
Chad Kremp: This is bad.
Adam: I want the "Star Wars" theme played at my funeral.

Beverly: Who did this to your kissable face?
Adam: Mom, please don't. I'm fine.
Beverly: Who? I want names.
Adam: It's from dodgeball. Mr. Mellor lives for it. It's like his air.
Beverly: It's like a violation of human rights.
Murray: Here we go. Bevy, it's not a rights violation. It's gym class.
Beverly: Well, I think he's an animal.

Erica: Okay, next card. "What city was called the Paris of the South?"
Barry: Maya Angelou.
Erica: That's the answer on the card you wanted me to choose, you knob. You're clearly cheating.
Barry: How dare you?! I am a sportsman! You insult my honor!
Pops: Hey, Bar, it's kind of obvious you're cheating.
Barry: I am not. I simply memorized the answers and put the cards in a particular order so I can win!
Erica: That's cheating!
Barry: That's preparation!
Pops: Preparation for cheating.

Beverly: I don't understand. Mellor didn't cower? Why didn't he cower?
Murray: It's on you, Bev. The boy was singled out because you mixed in.
Adam: He's right, mom. You made it worse.
Murray: Why can't you ever listen? You want to protect the boy, and you always end up making it a million times worse.
Beverly: No, you're completely right.I know it in my heart.
Murray: Good. It's nice to finally be on the same page.
Beverly: Definitely.
Murray: What's with the coat? Are you marching down to school again?
Beverly: I want to say no, but that would be a lie.
Murray: But I thought we're on the same page.
Beverly: We are, and yet, here I go.
Adam: Just stop! Just tell your body to stop!
Beverly: I want to. I really want to. But I can't. I thought we're on the same page!

Barry: Let's do this! What'll it be, Pops? Rap or an elaborate nunchuck routine?
Pops: I have to go to the bathroom.
Barry: 40 bonus points for pops!
Pops: I really like this game.

Murray: I got to tell you, he's not the same guy without the whistle and the short-shorts. A guy like that belongs in a gym yelling at kids. It's in his blood.
Beverly: Look, I never intended for Mellor to get fired, but this is on him. He singled out my boy.
Murray: Okay, he was wrong, but you took it too far. Now do the right thing and put that loose cannon back in charge of children.
Beverly: I go easy on one teacher, then the rest won't fear me.