Previous Episode Next Episode 

28Quotes from ‘Big Baby Ball’

The Goldbergs: Big Baby Ball

206. Big Baby Ball

Aired November 12, 2014

After Adam's hit in the face by a dodgeball in gym class, Beverly marches down to the school to Adam from playing dodgeball. Following her intervention, Coach Meller singles Adam out at class. Even after making things worse for Adam, Beverly can't help but mix in again, and she manages to get the Coach fired from the school. Meanwhile, Barry can't handle it when Erica finally beats him at a new board game, Trivial Pursuit.

Quote from Barry

Pops: Um, I don't think I want to be here for this.
Barry: You shall witness the battle, old man! I mean I cherish our time together. Please, sit.

Rate

Quote from Barry

Erica: You sure seem to know a lot of stuff all of a sudden.
Barry: There's no reason to be "patronibing".

Quote from Coach Mellor

Murray: So, is this what you're doing for money?
Coach Mellor: For now. Turns out there's not a great demand for a phys-ed specialist in the middle of the school year.
Murray: I don't mean to tell you your business, but I don't think that's the right address.
Coach Mellor: It is not. I lost my 3.
Murray: You know, I know my wife can get carried away with things, and I just want to let you know, I'm really sorry about all this.
Coach Mellor: Don't be. Your wife plays hard. I respect a winner. She's a good woman who does not know the word "quit". Although she does know the word "fired."

Quote from Barry

Barry: Oh, hello. I did not see you sitting there.
Erica: We're not sitting. What you're doing is called sitting.
Barry: Potato, potato.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Don't blame me! This game is impossible and has no point!
Erica: What's the point of mouse trap?
Barry: To boot a marble down a flight of stairs onto a slide and into a bathtub, which in turn, another balls falls onto a see-saw, backflipping an old man into a kiddie pool, causing a trap to fall on a mouse! Duh!
Pops: That he knows.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: How much does it hurt, schmoo? On a pain scale from 1 to 10, how much?
Adam: Um, I'd say fi... (Murray signalling lower) ... Three ... One? One!
Beverly: It should be zero. I also would have accepted the word "nothing." I'm marching down there first thing.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Oh. Hello, again. I did not see you sitting there.
Erica: Again, you're the one sitting.
Barry: Potato, tomato.

Quote from Barry

Erica: Face it this is one game you can't win. Say I'm better than you. Say it.
Barry: Never! I will do everything in my power to learn knowledge. I will go to school, and I will read books, and I will study art, and I will drink in life just so I can beat you at this board game!
Pops: He should probably do all that stuff regardless.

Quote from Pops

Barry: I've been thinking. We've completely lost track of what board games are all about family fun. That's why I invented a new gaming experience for the whole family to enjoy. I call it Barry-nopoly.
Erica: "Do a freestyle rap as good as big tasty or nunchuck better than Barry"?
Barry: I've made sure it caters to all our strengths. For you, trivia. Physical challenges for myself. And for pops, frequent bathroom breaks.
Pops: I like this game.

Quote from Barry

Erica: Yes! In your face!
Barry: This game is rigged!
Erica: It's your game, and I still beat you! Say it, I'm better than you in every way.
Barry: Fine! You're better than me. You're smart and you're cool and everyone likes you. And I'm nothing. Congrats.

Quote from Barry

Erica: Oh, hello. I did not see you sitting there.
Barry: I agree.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The overlord of this insanity was Mr. Mellor, a gung-ho ex-Jock filled with stupid sports cliches.
Coach Mellor: No pain, no gain! There is no "i" in team! Winners never quit! Quitters never win!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And some of his sayings we just found confusing.
Coach Mellor: It is never okay to put butter on a doughnut! Dance like no one's watching! Love like you've never been hurt! Don't trust your cousin on a road trip with your wife.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: You want me to cancel dodgeball? One of the seven pillars of fitness?
Beverly: What are the other six?
Coach Mellor: Look, canceling dodgeball would be like canceling science. Is that what you want? A world with no science? Why do you hate NASA? Why?
Beverly: I don't hate it. They gave us tang. What I do hate is dodgeball.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Dodgeball is an essential part of strengthening a young man's character, and nobody needs that more than your son.
Beverly: How dare you? My son has the strength and character of three Lou Ferrignos!
Coach Mellor: How dare you invoke Lou Ferrigno? How dare you! I'm not gonna stand here and let you push me around! I'm not scared of you.
Beverly: Well, you should be. I'd think twice about this if I were you.
Coach Mellor: No. I will not think at all.
Beverly: If there's any more dodgeball in this school, you will regret it. Mark my words.
Coach Mellor: I will mark no words.
Beverly: Mark them!

Quote from Adam

Coach Mellor: Grab a ball! Same teams. On my whistle.
Chad Kremp: This is bad.
Adam: I want the "Star Wars" theme played at my funeral.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Who did this to your kissable face?
Adam: Mom, please don't. I'm fine.
Beverly: Who? I want names.
Adam: It's from dodgeball. Mr. Mellor lives for it. It's like his air.
Beverly: It's like a violation of human rights.
Murray: Here we go. Bevy, it's not a rights violation. It's gym class.
Beverly: Well, I think he's an animal.

Quote from Barry

Erica: Okay, next card. "What city was called the Paris of the South?"
Barry: Maya Angelou.
Erica: That's the answer on the card you wanted me to choose, you knob. You're clearly cheating.
Barry: How dare you?! I am a sportsman! You insult my honor!
Pops: Hey, Bar, it's kind of obvious you're cheating.
Barry: I am not. I simply memorized the answers and put the cards in a particular order so I can win!
Erica: That's cheating!
Barry: That's preparation!
Pops: Preparation for cheating.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I don't understand. Mellor didn't cower? Why didn't he cower?
Murray: It's on you, Bev. The boy was singled out because you mixed in.
Adam: He's right, mom. You made it worse.
Murray: Why can't you ever listen? You want to protect the boy, and you always end up making it a million times worse.
Beverly: No, you're completely right.I know it in my heart.
Murray: Good. It's nice to finally be on the same page.
Beverly: Definitely.
Murray: What's with the coat? Are you marching down to school again?
Beverly: I want to say no, but that would be a lie.
Murray: But I thought we're on the same page.
Beverly: We are, and yet, here I go.
Adam: Just stop! Just tell your body to stop!
Beverly: I want to. I really want to. But I can't. I thought we're on the same page!

Quote from Pops

Barry: Let's do this! What'll it be, Pops? Rap or an elaborate nunchuck routine?
Pops: I have to go to the bathroom.
Barry: 40 bonus points for pops!
Pops: I really like this game.

Quote from Beverly

Murray: I got to tell you, he's not the same guy without the whistle and the short-shorts. A guy like that belongs in a gym yelling at kids. It's in his blood.
Beverly: Look, I never intended for Mellor to get fired, but this is on him. He singled out my boy.
Murray: Okay, he was wrong, but you took it too far. Now do the right thing and put that loose cannon back in charge of children.
Beverly: I go easy on one teacher, then the rest won't fear me.

Quote from Beverly

Barry: Challenge card. "Arm-wrestle Barry".
Beverly: Oh, we get to hold hands.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to aggressive parental interference, there's been a change in the phys-ed curriculum.
Adam: What? Could be any of our moms.
Coach Mellor: Effective immediately, there will no longer be dodgeball in my class. Instead, we'll play an all-new safer, kinder game called big baby ball. We'll choose teams by counting off ones and twos. Goldfarb, begin.
Adam: One.
Coach Mellor: Everybody else is a two. Let's get the ones on that side, twos on the other.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Well, your mother demanded that we play something else, so you can let her know that her voice was heard today. Good luck and cover your nards.


 Episode 205 Episode 207 
  Select another episode