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‘The Wedding Show (Psyche!)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Wedding Show (Psyche!)

518. The Wedding Show (Psyche!)

Aired February 27, 1995

When Uncle Phil and Fred (John Amos) disagree over who should pay for the wedding, Will and Lisa elope and wind up with a Shaft-themed wedding. [Guest star Isaac Hayes]

Quote from Will

Angela: We offer a number of packages here. Groove on this.
Will: Oh! Ooh, this is the bomb. Oh, I knew I liked this place. Baby, look, they got a package on my all-time idol.
Lisa: Who's that?
Will: Who's the Black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
Lisa: Shaft?
Will: You're damn right.
Will: Oh, baby, he's been my idol ever since I was a kid. Can we have this one? Baby, can we have the Shaft package? Can we please do that one, baby, please?
Lisa: Well, okay, baby, but I don't wanna be given away by the pimp.
Will: But, baby, that's what makes the whole... All right, all right. [Lisa laughs] Give us the Shaft.

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Quote from Will

[band playing Isaac Hayes' "Theme from Shaft"]
Minister: Come, my children. [Lisa giggles] Who's the Black Philly man that's gonna Take this fine woman's hand
Backing singers: Smith
Will: That's fine, that's me, baby.
Minister: You're damn right Who is the man that's got some vows In his hand to tell his woman
Backing singers: Will Smith
Minister: Can you dig it?
Will: "Lisa, you're my sun, my moon, my stars. You're my whole universe. You make me feel complete. I wanna be with you forever..."
Backing singers: Smith
Minister: Sure enough.
Will: Right.

Quote from Will

Will: Um... "From the first time I saw you, I knew that I wanted to be with you always. I knew that I wanted to hold you and love you..."
Backing singers: Smith Will Smith, yeah
Will: Right on. All right. Um...
Backing singers: They say this cat Smith Is a bad mother-
Will: Shut your mouth.
Minister: Well, they talking about you.
Will: Can I do this, please? Um, where was I? "Lisa..."
Minister: You're a complicated man There's no one who understands you But your woman
Backing singers: Will Smith
Will: [sighs] Look, Lisa, what I'm trying to say is.... [singers whooping] All right, that's enough! [Will whooping] That's it. Look, Lisa, baby, I'm telling you I want to marry you, but definitely not like this.
Lisa: Right on, Will.
Will: Oh, by the way, dude, your Isaac Hayes impression stinks.
Minister: I don't know, I thought it was pretty good.

Quote from Will

Will: What's up?
Philip: How you doing, Will?
Will: Remember, Lisa's pop's coming from Cleveland. So don't be late for dinner. [chuckles] My fault. For a second there, I forgot who I was talking to, you know that I'm saying?

Quote from Will

Philip: I'm actually looking forward to meeting him. We'll probably discuss the wedding while he's here. In fact, I have finished the guest list. And good news, I've kept it small, just 300 people.
Will: Three hundred? Who are you inviting, the entire Wayans family?

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Hey, G, what is your idea of, like, the perfect wedding?
Geoffrey: Any one at which I'm not serving hors d'oeuvres or pouring champagne.
Will: Oh, then you're gonna think ours sucks.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: G, does anybody in this house care what I want?
Geoffrey: No.

Quote from Hilary

Carlton: Look, I don't wanna scare you, but these bureaucrats are heartless.
Hilary: Well, what should I do?
Carlton: Smile, be polite and wear a spandex dress that makes them sit up and say, "Aye, chihuahua."
Ashley: [scoffs] Carlton, that's terrible. Hilary would never degrade herself like that.
Hilary: Absolutely not. [sighs] I'll wear leather.
Ashley: Why don't you just wear hot pants and a bustier with two big cones on it?
Hilary: Before Memorial Day?

Quote from Will

Fred: You know, Phil, it sounds to me like you don't think my town is good enough for you and your ritzy friends.
Will: Hey, man, why you ain't tell me you invited the Ritzy's?
Philip: Fred, let me simplify this for you. Now, ha, ha, if flying out here is a problem for you and your guests don't worry about it, it's on me.
Fred: I'm gonna be on you too if you keep throwing your money in my face, you fat cat.
Will: Okay. Ding, ding, ding! All sumo wrestlers to the showers!
Fred: I'll have you know, I put $10,000 aside for this wedding.
Philip: Oh, please, that wouldn't even cover the invitations.
Will: Okay, okay. [singing] Kumbaya, my lord Everybody! [singing] Kumbaya

Quote from Philip

Fred: Now, there is nothing wrong with being a hardworking man. Have you ever done an honest day's work?
Philip: I happen to be a judge.
Fred: I'll take that as a no.
Lisa: Now, just wait a minute.
Will: This is completely out of hand.
Philip: You just stay out of this, Will.
Fred: Yeah, this does not concern you. And you, you can forget about coming to Cleveland. Because a big soft marshmallow man like you, you wouldn't last five seconds.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Well, I'd like to see you try to fit in down at the country club. Crushing beer cans on your head, telling everybody why Sears is the place to buy tires.
Fred: Oh, I know you don't wanna talk about tires.
Philip: Oh, no, you don't. You wanna take this outside?
Fred: We are outside.
Philip: Fine. You wanna take it inside?
Fred: Inside and upstairs, downstairs.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: I'm coming! Coming. Just my luck... Whitney Houston and I had just survived a nuclear holocaust. And now I was the last man on Earth.

Quote from Philip

Fred: I'm sorry. My poor Yvonne, she always wanted Lisa to get married in a big church wedding. She's probably turning in her grave right now.
Philip: You're lucky she's dead.
Fred: What?
Philip: Uh, uh, I mean, my wife is still alive.
Fred: What?
Philip: She's gonna kill me when she finds out about this.
Fred: Ah.

Quote from Will

Lisa: Will? Does this look silly?
Will: What are you talking about, baby? You look beautiful.
Lisa: Aww.
Will: [laughs] This is exactly how I pictured my wedding. Well, more or less.
Angela: Will, Lisa, your Shaft wedding extravaganza is ready to begin.
Lisa: Solid, let's get it on.
Will: Oh, wait, hold on, baby. I wrote my own vows.
Lisa: Oh, Will, I can't wait to hear them.

Quote from Philip

Fred: Phil, I tell you, this is the life, man. And that butler of yours makes one mean sandwich. What is that, Grey Poupon?
Philip: Mm. You like it?
Fred: Ooh. I'll see you go home with a case of it.
Philip: Hey, listen to this. Now, the country club let me slide my wedding deposit over to the pro shop.
Fred: Yeah?
Philip: Now, for five years, I've had my eye on one of those turbo driven golf carts.
Fred: Yeah.
Philip: Uh-huh. So Daddy's coming home with a Turf Buddy.
Fred: All right. Man, you made me think of something. All my life I wanted a Harley-Davidson. And with the $10,000 I'm saving on that wedding I can get the hog of life.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, guys, what's up? Look, we got good news.
Philip: No, we already know, we read the note.
Lisa: Oh, you don't get it, we didn't go through with it.
Will: Well, you know, it just really didn't feel right, you know without all our family and friends being there. So we decided you guys can go ahead with the traditional blowout wedding.
Lisa: With all the trimmings.
Will: Yep. So, uh, Uncle Phil you can fly in all my boys and all my boys' boys and all my boys' boys' boys, you know what I'm saying? We're gonna rock that Bel-Air Country Club so hard we'll have Bob Hope do the tootsie roll, you know what I mean?

Quote from Philip

Philip: Ah, well, hear this, son, you two are gonna get married right here on this patio and you're gonna like it.
Lisa: Oh, but daddy, we decided-
Fred: Don't worry, baby, we'll get you some cake and something to wash it down with.
Philip: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can talk about this. The wedding's not gonna be till May. So, Fred, you wanna take a spin around the block in my Turf Buddy?
Fred: I'm there. Hey, can you pop a wheelie? [both walk away]
Will: Pfft. Only if he sits on it.

Quote from Philip

Will: Uncle Phil, who are these people?
Philip: Well, they're just, you know business associates, contributors to my campaign and people I need to suck up to. [Will chuckles] Uh, how about the people that I wanna invite?
Philip: Like who?
Will: Uh, how about my mom?
Philip: Oops. [laughs]

Quote from Philip

Will: Uncle Phil, the thing is we really didn't expect all of these people. We were gonna have the wedding in the garden.
Philip: It is gonna be in the garden. The garden at the Bel-Air Country Club.
Will: Uh, gee, you know, I kind of miss the good old days when you were against this wedding.
Philip: Ah, ha, ha. Ah, I see the problem. See, you're under the impression that this wedding is for you.
Will: [in Southern accent] Oh, what the hell was I thinking?
Philip: Get this straight, son, [chuckles], my cash, my party. And I'm going to network like it's 1999.

Quote from Carlton

Ashley: What are you guys doing?
Carlton: Hilary's being audited by the IRS.
Hilary: Thanks to you. Carlton said he could save me money, so I let him do my taxes.
Carlton: Relax, I'll take care of it.
Hilary: I don't understand any of this. I have money invested in companies I've never even heard of.
Ashley: Like what?
Hilary: Like Carlton Co.

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