Philip: You want a beer?
Fred: Actually, I'd prefer a white wine spritzer.
Philip: Oh. I'm sorry we weren't at the wedding but, you know, two kids running off in the middle of the night like that. Kind of romantic, huh?
Fred: Yeah, and a whole lot cheaper.
Philip: Hey.

Will: Now, this is more like it. Ain't no way I was getting married at a place called Temple Emanuel L. Lewis.
Angela: Welcome to the Chapel of Soul. I'm Angela and I'll be your wedding coordinator. Can you dig it? [laughs] Well, let's rap about the kind of ceremony you want.
Lisa: Did you hear that, baby? It's about what we want.
Will: Oh, yeah, that's right, power to the people up in here.

Carlton: Look, Hilary's investments were primarily in mutual funds and stocks although... [Agent Dailey untucks her hair] in November, she sold off a number of hairs... Uh, shares. Now, if you'll refer to form 2106...
Agent Dailey: I'm having a little trouble reading my copy.
Carlton: Well, maybe if you turned on a light.
Agent Dailey: Why don't I just share yours? [gets up and gropes Carlton] Carlton, this whole audit can be resolved very quickly. All you have to do is cooperate. [sits on Carlton's lap]
Carlton: What are you doing?
Agent Dailey: Nobody has to know, nobody gets hurt. [goes to kiss Carlton]
Carlton: [Carlton blocks her forehead with his palm] You're busted, lady. If you don't sign this form exonerating Hilary, I'll sue you for sexual harassment.
Agent Dailey: Just try. You have no idea what you're up against.
Carlton: Neither do you. I thought you might try something, so I took precautions.
Agent Dailey: That was a tape recorder?
Carlton: That's right. I have the whole sordid encounter right here on tape, Dailey. Your dilly-dallying days are done.
Agent Dailey: Dork.

Hilary: I don't understand, the IRS is just letting me off? What did you have to do?
Ashley: I don't wanna hear this.
Carlton: Don't worry, Ashley, I've done nothing to be ashamed of. I blackmailed her. She was harassing me. Listen to this.
Tape: She'll have fun, fun, fun Till her daddy takes the T-Bird away Fun, fun, fun till her da-
Ashley: Carlton, that's annoying, but it's not harassment.
Carlton: Thank God I pressed the wrong button. The B-side is John Travolta's polka classics.

Will: It's like I don't believe this mess. I mean, doesn't anybody care what we want?
Geoffrey: Nope.