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‘Will Is From Mars’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Is From Mars

517. Will Is From Mars

Aired February 20, 1995

Uncle Phil offers to pay for Will and Lisa's honeymoon if they go to marriage counseling. At their group therapy session, they meet George (Sherman Hemsley) and Louise (Isabel Sanford). Meanwhile, Hilary tries to lure Geoffrey to work at her house.

Quote from Will

Dr. Whitehorn: But look, for now before tomorrow's group session, I'd like to ask questions.
Will: Oh, cool, questions. Knock yourself out.
Dr. Whitehorn: Okay. Uh, where do you see yourselves ten years from now?
Will: Ah, that's an easy one. Ten years, I see us, you know kind of like the Huxtables, you know. Except I'm not gonna be delivering babies, I'm gonna be making them, you know what I'm saying? You know. But first, I figure we'd start out with Will, Jr., you know. Then Willfred, then Willoughby, then Willard, you know. Then Willis.
Lisa: Will, stop.
Will: "Will Stop"? [scoffs] That ain't no good name. Now, Willstafa, you know. That's strong, you know, like, kind of a Lion King kind of feel. You know, Will Simba.

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Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: Geoffrey, you look wonderful. Is that a new suit?
Geoffrey: It was, 20 years ago.
Hilary: [laughs] Oh, that's funny. Oh, since I moved out I have really missed your sense of humor, Geoffrey. Your wit, your charm... your wit. Your... Oh, who are we kidding? I need you to come work for me.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, I already have a job.
Hilary: Well, then, just part-time. Look, I'm a career woman. I don't have time to dust and push around that... Oh, what do you call that big loud thing that sucks up everything?
Geoffrey: You call him "Daddy." Look, I'm sorry, Miss Hilary, but he'd never allow me to moonlight. I'm expected to be on call for his 3 a.m. feeding.

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: I'll just use you in between meals. Daddy will never even know you're gone.
Geoffrey: Are you suggesting that I lie?
Hilary: Big time.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, I couldn't. I've worked for your father for 20 years. He's seen me through some very hard times. Even paid for my dear mother's cataract surgery.
Hilary: The extra money could get you that Beemer.
Geoffrey: Well, it's not as if he gave her a kidney.

Quote from Lisa

Dr. Whitehorn: Okay, let's try role reversal.
George Jefferson: No, unh-unh.
Dr. Whitehorn: It'll give you insight into how your partner perceives you. Now, who'd like to go first?
Lisa: Oh, I'd like to.
Dr. Whitehorn: Oh, great, Lisa. Show us Will.
Lisa: [as Will] Who the man? I'm the man. Because I ain't spending no 4.95 on some stank skeezer to take her to the salad bar. If a honey wants to go with me to the Sizzler, she gots to be all that. She gots to look good. Yeah. [fist bumps George Jefferson] You know. Because I'm the man.
Will: Nicely done.

Quote from Lisa

Louise Jefferson: Oh, that is so juvenile.
Lisa: I know it. I have never seen anything so stupid.
Louise Jefferson: You calling my husband stupid? Honey, the only thing stupid here is your big-eared boyfriend. He looks like a car coming down the road with both doors open.
Lisa: [removes her earrings] Oh, no, Miss Thing. It's on now.
Louise Jefferson: All right, sister, bring it on.

Quote from Carlton

Ashley: Geoffrey, where have you been?
Philip: Yes. Last thing you said was: "I just need to step outside for a little fresh air. I'll be right back." That was seven hours ago.
Geoffrey: Aw, don't get into a hissy fit, sir. I left dinner in the oven.
Ashley: Oh, thank goodness. I thought we were gonna have to eat what Daddy gave us.
Carlton: God help us. You'd think a guy who eats so much would at least know his way around the kitchen.

Quote from Will

Lisa: Um, Will, we're sitting over here.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, there you go trying to tell me where to sit. Look here. I sit when and where I please. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm the man. I'm the man. Now, you give me one good reason why I should sit over there.
Lisa: Because your name is on the seat.
Will: I knew that. And you know how I knew that?
Women: Because you're the man.
Will: You see what I'm saying? They recognize.

Quote from Will

Will: Man, she always been like that?
George Jefferson: No, she used to be mean. Ha-ha-ha. We tied the knot 40 years ago and I've been swinging from it ever since. [both laugh]
Will: Yeah, I hear you. Sure, there's women like that make you realize why God made darkness.
George Jefferson: [laughs] Hey, man!
Will: What?
George Jefferson: You insulting my wife?
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a second there, cul-de-sac. Look, I am twice your size and half your age. You need to chill out a little bit.
George Jefferson: Your mama.
Will: Oh, no. You didn't just talk about my mother.
George Jefferson: Okay. Well, I'll talk about your daddy instead. Your daddy is so fat that when he went to school he sat next to everybody. But still he wasn't as fat as your fat mama.

Quote from Will

Philip: No. Now, look, look, Will. Look, marriage is difficult at any age. Now, all counseling will do is give you tools to make your relationship work. I mean, you wouldn't drive a car without taking at least a few lessons first.
Will: Look here, Uncle Phil, I'm from Philly. You know what I mean? I was driving when I was 11, you know. Of course, that was in the good old days before The Club. Hear what I'm saying? That'll put a crimp in the plans, you know.

Quote from Will

Lisa: I just wanted to come over and say thank you for fixing my sink.
Will: Oh, cool.
Lisa: Um, baby, how about meeting me for a little midnight swim?
Will: Ooh. You got that, baby. Where?
Lisa: My living room. Thanks to you, my apartment is flooded. It will be days until I can get back in there.
Will: Oh, I'm sorry, baby. I'm usually pretty handy with stuff like that. Tell her, y'all. Didn't I just fix the toaster?
[As the toaster dings in the kitchen, a slice of toast flies into the living room.]
Will: See? Before it wouldn't even get past the door.
Ashley: Thanks, Will. In the morning, I'll set it on dark and it'll meet me at school.

Quote from Carlton

Lisa: Maybe I should call my friend Denise, see if I can stay over there.
Will: What you talking about? You can stay in the pool house with us.
Lisa: Carlton, is that okay with you?
Carlton: [over enthusiastically] Are you kidding? Sure. I love a good old-fashioned sleepover. What say we rent a musical, pop some corn and after that, dare I say, Yahtzee?
Will: Dare I say... [slaps Carlton's head]
Carlton: Ow!

Quote from Will

Will: [in Spanish accent] Hey, Lucy, I home.
Lisa: Hey, baby.
Will: No, Lucy, don't even try. You cannot be in the show. [normal voice] Hey, girl. Man, what is that smell?
Lisa: Oh, it's my chicken stew.
Will: Girl, exactly what part of that chicken are you cooking?
Lisa: Come here, boy, I want you to taste it.
Will: Why? I- I- I mean, I'd love to, baby.
Lisa: I made it especially for you.
Will: Oh, thank you. [coughing] Oh, damn, I swallowed it!
Lisa: What?
Will: Oh, and it was finger-licking good, baby.

Quote from Will

Philip: Your aunt and I have been talking about this. We just wanna make sure that you get off to the best start possible. Which is why we're giving you this little engagement present.
Will: "Note: Buy Reese's Pieces for desk jar."
Philip: Other side.
Will: Oh. My fault.
Lisa: "Dr. Whitehorn. Psychologist"?
Philip: His specialty is relationship counseling.
Lisa: Oh, Mr. Banks, Will and I are in love. We don't need any counseling.
Will: Yeah. But I could damn sure go for some Reese's Pieces.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, I guess what I'm trying to say is, you know, we don't need to be here. We happy. Tell him, baby.
Lisa: Yes, very happy.
Will: Yeah. Hey, you know them little yellow smiley faces? Just put some Hershey syrup on them, you got us, you know.
Dr. Whitehorn: Great. Then all I have to do is give you the skills to maintain that enthusiasm.
Will: Oh, if you mean what I think you mean, I got skills, you know.
Dr. Whitehorn: Actually, I was talking about interpersonal relationship skills.
Will: Oh, yeah, that's what I meant. That's what I was thinking.

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: Well, that new little Beemer of yours runs like a dream, doesn't it? [laughs]
Geoffrey: How should I know? You've been hogging it ever since I signed the papers.
Hilary: Just come on upstairs. You know that table in Daddy's study? I need you to carry it out to the car.
Geoffrey: It's a pool table.
Hilary: Duh. [laughs]
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, I'm sorry, but I have duties here to attend to. Besides, I'm still worn out from last night.
Hilary: Oh, please. I just had you do a little yard work.
Geoffrey: I don't believe blacktopping your tennis court falls into that category.
Hilary: You are so lazy.
Geoffrey: Not too lazy to quit.

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