Will: All right, Robin from the 'hood is in the house. Give me 7-1 1, I don't mean the store. Taketh from the rich and giveth unto the poor! Blow on these bones for me, would you, slummy? [Mrs. Pullman blows onto his dice] All right! Seven! All right, let it ride. Let it ride.
Carlton: No way, Will. Odds of you repeating that are six-to-one. It says here don't even make this bet in your dreams.
Will: [as Martin Luther King] Ah, Carlton, and l, too, have a dream. And in it all of the world rises up and overcomes your stupidity. Now stay out of my face.

Mr. Cummings: It is with great pleasure that I present you with this check in the amount of $1,000.
Will: And it is with humongous pleasure that I take this chumpy off your hands.
Mr. Cummings: Can we get a picture of this please? And now can we get a shot of Will giving the check back to the L.A.P.C.?
Will: Wait, wait. Excuse me?
Mr. Cummings: We'd like a shot of you donating the money back to the L.A.P.C.
Will: Wait. What? You want me to donate $1,000?
Mr. Cummings: That's the idea.
Will: That's a bad idea.
Mr. Cummings: But it's Club tradition.
Will: Well, we got a club tradition in Philly, too it says if they don't have one, you don't give them your money.

Ashley: Geoffrey, I took a piece of gum from your windbreaker.
Geoffrey: Quite all right, Miss Ashley.
Ashley: No, I insist on paying you back. Here.
Geoffrey: A stick of Doublemint costs but a few pennies.
Ashley: A few pennies, $94. Why split hairs?
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley, you have offended my honor.
Ashley: Honor schmonor. lt's your male pride.
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley!
Ashley: I'm sorry, Geoffrey, but I'm sick and tired of men acting like pouty babies just because you beat them at something. Like the time I beat Bobby Greenspan at tetherball. After that, he told everyone at school that I took steroids.
Geoffrey: I apologize, Miss Ashley. I have acted like an utter fool.
Ashley: That's all right, Geoffrey. I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan in his locker before he would apologize.

Will: Man. I ain't played ball that hard since I left Philly, man. Boy, that dude was no joke, man. I ain't never playing with him again. Why, he was pushing me around and shoving me and kicking me and all that stuff, man. Yo, dude was a monster.
Boy: Hey, I thought you wanted a rematch.
Will: Forget it, man. Go pick on somebody your own size.

Ramon: Hi, Ashley.
Ashley: Hi, Ramon.
Ramon: Say, I've got a half peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my pocket with your name on it.
Ashley: No, thanks.
Ramon: Wanna see my frog?
Ashley: I think I'll pass.
Ramon: Man, those lines kill on the jungle gym.

Will: It's killing me how much you remind me of myself.
Ramon: Why? 'Cause we're both down with b-ball?
Will: Well, no, 'cause don't nobody want to see my frog neither.
Ramon: See, man, one day, Ashley's gonna be breaking down my door 'cause I'm gonna save up money for basketball camp. Next thing you know I'll be playing pro. You know my motto: keep your eyes on the prize.
Will: Hey, man, that's kinda similar to my motto: keep your hands on their thighs.

Philip: Oh, boy, what a day! I am exhausted.
Hilary: Daddy, for Monte Carlo Night you're going to be the croupier de toilette.
Philip: Great. What'll I do?
Hilary: You'll make sure that there's always toilet paper on the rolls.
Philip: It's great to know that all those years of law school are finally coming in handy.

Will: Why should I have to go to this stupid country club if I don't want to? How Uncle Phil gonna play a nephew?
Ashley: How's Daddy gonna play a daughter? I can't believe he thinks I'm too young to gamble. I've been eating Hilary's cooking since I was three.

Will: Uncle Phil, man, you're-
Philip: Looking extremely fly. Thank you, Will. And, yes, you still have to go.
Ashley: Daddy, I'm really...
Philip: Gonna miss your daddykins? I know, Ashley. And, no, you still can't go.

Vivian: So, do I look like a blackjack dealer?
Hilary: You look great, Mother, but that's not how you wear a halter.
Vivian: It is when your breasts don't come with a receipt.