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Something for Nothing

‘Something for Nothing’

Season 2, Episode 12 -  Aired December 9, 1991

When Will wins some money at the country club, he decides to go against tradition in donating the money back to the club. Meanwhile, Geoffrey sets up a poker night for Ashley, who is too young to attend the club.

Quote from Will

Will: All right, Robin from the 'hood is in the house. Give me 7-1 1, I don't mean the store. Taketh from the rich and giveth unto the poor! Blow on these bones for me, would you, slummy? [Mrs. Pullman blows onto his dice] All right! Seven! All right, let it ride. Let it ride.
Carlton: No way, Will. Odds of you repeating that are six-to-one. It says here don't even make this bet in your dreams.
Will: [as Martin Luther King] Ah, Carlton, and l, too, have a dream. And in it all of the world rises up and overcomes your stupidity. Now stay out of my face.


Quote from Will

Mr. Cummings: It is with great pleasure that I present you with this check in the amount of $1,000.
Will: And it is with humongous pleasure that I take this chumpy off your hands.
Mr. Cummings: Can we get a picture of this please? And now can we get a shot of Will giving the check back to the L.A.P.C.?
Will: Wait, wait. Excuse me?
Mr. Cummings: We'd like a shot of you donating the money back to the L.A.P.C.
Will: Wait. What? You want me to donate $1,000?
Mr. Cummings: That's the idea.
Will: That's a bad idea.
Mr. Cummings: But it's Club tradition.
Will: Well, we got a club tradition in Philly, too it says if they don't have one, you don't give them your money.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Geoffrey, I took a piece of gum from your windbreaker.
Geoffrey: Quite all right, Miss Ashley.
Ashley: No, I insist on paying you back. Here.
Geoffrey: A stick of Doublemint costs but a few pennies.
Ashley: A few pennies, $94. Why split hairs?
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley, you have offended my honor.
Ashley: Honor schmonor. lt's your male pride.
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley!
Ashley: I'm sorry, Geoffrey, but I'm sick and tired of men acting like pouty babies just because you beat them at something. Like the time I beat Bobby Greenspan at tetherball. After that, he told everyone at school that I took steroids.
Geoffrey: I apologize, Miss Ashley. I have acted like an utter fool.
Ashley: That's all right, Geoffrey. I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan in his locker before he would apologize.

Quote from Will

Will: Man. I ain't played ball that hard since I left Philly, man. Boy, that dude was no joke, man. I ain't never playing with him again. Why, he was pushing me around and shoving me and kicking me and all that stuff, man. Yo, dude was a monster.
Boy: Hey, I thought you wanted a rematch.
Will: Forget it, man. Go pick on somebody your own size.

Quote from Ashley

Ramon: Hi, Ashley.
Ashley: Hi, Ramon.
Ramon: Say, I've got a half peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my pocket with your name on it.
Ashley: No, thanks.
Ramon: Wanna see my frog?
Ashley: I think I'll pass.
Ramon: Man, those lines kill on the jungle gym.

Quote from Will

Will: It's killing me how much you remind me of myself.
Ramon: Why? 'Cause we're both down with b-ball?
Will: Well, no, 'cause don't nobody want to see my frog neither.
Ramon: See, man, one day, Ashley's gonna be breaking down my door 'cause I'm gonna save up money for basketball camp. Next thing you know I'll be playing pro. You know my motto: keep your eyes on the prize.
Will: Hey, man, that's kinda similar to my motto: keep your hands on their thighs.

Quote from Hilary

Philip: Oh, boy, what a day! I am exhausted.
Hilary: Daddy, for Monte Carlo Night you're going to be the croupier de toilette.
Philip: Great. What'll I do?
Hilary: You'll make sure that there's always toilet paper on the rolls.
Philip: It's great to know that all those years of law school are finally coming in handy.

Quote from Ashley

Will: Why should I have to go to this stupid country club if I don't want to? How Uncle Phil gonna play a nephew?
Ashley: How's Daddy gonna play a daughter? I can't believe he thinks I'm too young to gamble. I've been eating Hilary's cooking since I was three.

Quote from Philip

Will: Uncle Phil, man, you're-
Philip: Looking extremely fly. Thank you, Will. And, yes, you still have to go.
Ashley: Daddy, I'm really...
Philip: Gonna miss your daddykins? I know, Ashley. And, no, you still can't go.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: So, do I look like a blackjack dealer?
Hilary: You look great, Mother, but that's not how you wear a halter.
Vivian: It is when your breasts don't come with a receipt.

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