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‘The Butler Did It’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Butler Did It

211. The Butler Did It

Aired November 25, 1991

With Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv and Geoffrey all away for the weekend, the kids are left in charge of the house. Carlton arranges for a Bell Viv DeVoe music video to be filmed in the living room.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Goodbye everyone. I'm off for the weekend.
Ashley: Bye, Geoffrey. I hope you enjoy your butlers' convention.
Geoffrey: Goodbye, Miss Ashley.
Will: Yo, G, G. I always wondered what y'all be doing at them joints. What is it, like reminiscing about Mr. French?
Geoffrey: Actually, we'll be reminiscing about Benson. It's the Black Butlers' Convention. This year's theme is "Get It Your Own Damn Self."

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Quote from Hilary

Ashley: I've been through the whole neighborhood and I haven't sold one box of cookies. Even Shelley Winters turned me down.
Hilary: Look, what you need is a different sales strategy. Look, here's one that always worked for me: "Mister, I was going to sell you some cookies, but I tripped on your driveway and I think I broke my ankle. Could you please call my daddy? He's a lawyer. He'll know what to do."

Quote from Will

Will: Okay, I can't breathe. "They'll only be here one day." "They'll only be here one day"! The Titanic sank in one day! The Hindenburg blew up in one day! The entire city of Pompeii was covered in molten lava in one day! Okay, I can't breathe.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Well, as acting head of the household this weekend I think you'll find me tough, yet fair. Firm yet kind.
Will: Hey, besides, man, Hilary's the oldest. She's in charge.
Carlton: But not equipped to lead. She's a figurehead. Like Queen Elizabeth. Dan Quayle. Colonel Sanders. Now, I've typed up a few ground rules. I think you should check this out.
Will: Whoa, whoa, Carlton, come on, man, you gotta loosen up a little bit, man. You're too tight. Wonder you don't sneeze and pop your drawers.
Carlton: Will, please, I'm hardly a stranger to life on the edge. I can't count the number of times I've gone swimming right after eating.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Okay, I'm in charge, I'll handle this. Young lady, what do you think, that I'm made out of money?
Will: Hilary, what does that have to do with anything?
Hilary: I don't know, that's what Dad always says to me.

Quote from Will

Carlton: I'm expecting company.
Will: Yeah, I'll put it in the oven for you.
Carlton: Well, you're closest to the door.
Will: Well, you're closest to the floor.

Quote from Ashley

Will: All right, look, look, look. Let's not panic. Come on. Here's the plan. Hilary, you take $2,000 and you go get a new couch. Carlton, you shut up and take care of the floors. I think I can salvage the rug, and Ashley, I want you to take care of painting.
Ashley: I'm not painting. I didn't have anything to do with this.
Will: I seem to recall a certain little sunshine trooper trying to get her car theft badge.
Ashley: Oh. Latex or enamel?

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Oh, Philip, this weekend has been so wonderful! Even if we had gone to the convention spending time alone with you would have been worth it.
Philip: Well, we can stay an extra day.
Vivian: Oh, no need to. I'm taking home the red veil.
Philip: Well, I'm taking home the belly jewel.
Vivian: Why?
Philip: Because I can't get it out.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, it's nice of you to help Mom and Dad with their bags.
Will: Oh, yeah, man, you know, I mean, they treat me so good here I'll do whatever I can to repay their kindness.
Carlton: Can't wait for them to leave either, huh?
Will: Does Barry White want seconds?

Quote from Philip

Philip: Ready for the convention, sweetheart?
Vivian: Oh, no matter how you prepare you can never really be ready for something like this.
Philip: Great. Now, kids, you're all mature young adults and your mother and I trust you completely. But by the same token, [walks over to Will] if any of you are planning on using this weekend as an excuse to engage in reckless activities you'll have to think again. [Will keeps looking away from Phil] Misbehavior of any kind will result in immediate grounding and suspension of allowance. Do I make myself clear?
Will: This is a racial thing, right?

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Philip, what a wonderful surprise. Now I don't know how you pulled this off without me knowing it but I'm glad you did.
Philip: [chuckles] Well, I thought this might be a little bit better than a boring legal convention.
Bob Doomie: I hope you folks enjoy yourselves here at the Doomie lnn. I'm Bob Doomie.
Philip: Well, you know, I got the same room we had on our tenth anniversary.
Vivian: Oh, the "Glory That Was Rome" suite?
Philip: And if you recall, the chariot bed didn't need horses to move it across the room.

Quote from Vivian

Bob Doomie: Welcome to the Casbah.
Philip: What happened to Rome?
Bob Doomie: Well, actually, the Roman suite next door is already taken.
Philip: [chuckles] Well, there's $50 says it isn't.
Bob Doomie: Thank you, sir, but his $200 says that it is.
Vivian: Oh, Philip, this is lovely. I'm sure it'll be just as romantic.
Philip: But I really had my heart set on wearing that toga.
Vivian: I'll do my Dance of the Seven Veils. And I didn't bring any.
Philip: Okay, kids, go to the movies. [holds out money]

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: [on the phone] Yes, well, my parents are out of town, so I can do anything I want. Now get your tail over here, pronto. I want it fast and I want it hot. And if it has any pepperoni on it, I'm sending that puppy back!

Quote from Philip

Will: [answers phone] Party Machine, this is Will.
Vivian: Party Machine?
Will: Oh, I'm sorry, Aunt Viv. Did I say "party machine"? I meant Banks residence. Master William speaking.
Vivian: Who's playing that loud music?
Philip: Loud music? Give me the phone, Vivian. Will, what's going on?
Vivian: Oh, Uncle Phil, that's the TV. Um, Carlton's watching an educational documentary on, uh, loud music. What's that music I hear?
Philip: Uh... That's the television. Your aunt's watching I Dream of Jeannie. Look, we're gonna be home tonight.
Will: Wait, baby, hold up. I thought y'all said you was coming back Monday.
Philip: Well, we were, but there's some big shot in the suite next door and he's been tying up the hotel staff all weekend. The service has been terrible. So just tell everyone we'll be back tonight.

Quote from Carlton

Will: Okay, that's a wrap. Everybody out. Y'all ain't got to go home, but you gotta get the hell out of here.
Carlton: Will, come on, these people paid to use our house. Let's be a little courteous.
Philip: Aunt Viv and Uncle Phil aren't coming home Monday they're coming home tonight.
Carlton: Not Monday?
Will: Not Monday.
Carlton: Okay, that's a wrap. Everybody out. You ain't got to go home but you got to get the hell out of here.

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