Vivian: Hilary, you were doing so well at the art gallery.
Hilary: Yeah, but, Mom, it's not really a cool job. I mean, when I was a little girl, I always had this dream that when I grew up, I'd have a glamorous job in a glamorous office. And I'd go to parties and people would ask what I did and I'd tell them. And then I'd imagine them turning pea-green with envy and blurting out: "You are so lucky," and walking away eaten up inside because I had a fabulous job and they didn't.
Carlton: They say Gandhi had a very similar childhood dream.

Jazz: Hey, beautiful. [Hilary swats Jazz with a magazine] I love a woman with good reflexes. Makes me crazy.
Hilary: Get out.
Jazz: Your mouth is saying "get out," but your eyes are saying "get busy."
Hilary: Daddy.
Will: Bup, bup. That's not going to work this time, Hil, darling. See, Uncle Phil went to the supermarket, so he's going to be gone for at least a week.
Hilary: Mom.
Will: [laughs] She went with him.
Hilary: Geoffrey.
Jazz: Ooh.
Geoffrey: Yes, Miss Hilary?
Hilary: You know the drill.
Jazz: Uh-oh.
[Geoffrey throws Jazz out of the house]

Hilary: Starting tomorrow, I'm going to be the personal assistant to Marissa Redman.
Ashley: The movie star?
Carlton: Wow, she's really big.
Will: What? She ain't do nothing good in years.
Hilary: That's not true. She's one of the most famous actresses in Hollywood. She won an Oscar.
Will: Nominated.
Hilary: And she was in one of the top 10 movies of all time.
Will: Eight years ago.
Hilary: And she needs a new assistant because she just got back from a well-deserved year off.
Will: Nose job.
Hilary: How did you know all of that?
Will: I have an inquiring mind.

Hilary: [on the phone] Miss Tony Fisher, please. Hi, Tony. It's Hil. How's your job going? Guess where I'm calling from. No, guess. No, guess again. What do you mean you give up? This is fun. No, guess again. No, don't hang up, Tony. Do not hang up now. Come on, guess. No, guess again. Okay, I'm in Marissa Redman's office. No, it's my first day. What's she like? Tony, I have to tell you, you'd never know she was a movie star. I mean, she's so grounded. She's so real.
Marissa Redman: [enters] I don't care if you have other appointments, clown. My cat needs acupuncture.

Hilary: Will, what are you doing here? [Jazz enters] Jazz.
Jazz: Congratulations on your new job, Hilary. Flowers, a Kit Kat and a song.
Will: All the way from Compton, California the king of the keyboard himself, just for you, Hilary. It's Jazz!

Hilary: Will, please. Marissa said if I can't get you to go out on a date with her, she'll fire me.
Will: Perfect. All she does is yell at you, boss you around and treat you like dirt.
Hilary: I know but... I'm the envy of all my friends. [sobs]
Will: Hilary, come on, don't cry. Don't cry. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. I guess it won't kill me to go out with Marissa Redman.
Hilary: [stops sobbing] Oh, Will, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Will: And I guess it won't kill you to go out with Jazz. [Hilary sobs again]

Carlton: I can't believe that you agreed to go on this date with Jazz.
Hilary: Shut up, Carlton. I had to, or I'd lose my job. Touchy. [Carton hums "Here Comes the Bride"] Cut it out!
Ashley: I can see it now. Mr. and Mrs. Jazz. Does Jazz have a last name?
Vivian: I believe it's Matazz.
Philip: Will you three cut it out?
Vivian: Philip, we don't mean anything by it.
Philip: I don't see the destruction of our gene pool as something to joke about.

Marissa Redman: [to Hilary] Look, I work so hard. I mean, I work harder than anybody, and I'm very underpaid, and it does not help when the person who is supposed to be my assistant is a total idiot.
Jazz: You're the idiot.
Will: Well, date's over.
Jazz: Look, I don't care how many movies you make. Nobody don't talk like that to Hilary. She's smart, sweet, and the most beautiful woman in the cosmos and she's been very nice to me tonight. And she's been nice to you, even though you didn't deserve it. So you just tell her you're sorry because I'm about to get pretty mad.
Marissa Redman: Oh, shut up.

Will: Hilary, why is it so hard for you to be nice to Jazz? You know he likes you.
Hilary: Oh, I'm supposed to be nice to everyone who likes me? How much time do you think I have?
Will: Oh, so that's the reason for you to be mean to Jazz?
Hilary: Look, Jazz will be fine.
Will: Oh, you think so? Well, I don't. You don't know Jazz the way I know him. He's a very sensitive person. And he has feelings that are very deep. And when you had Geoffrey throw him out, I think that was the last straw. I don't think he'll ever be the same.
Hilary: Really?
Jazz: [enters] Want to kiss my boo-boo?

Geoffrey: I hope that you didn't take my throwing you out of the house personally, Mr. Jazz. It was strictly business.
Jazz: That's cool. If you grab me in that place again, we're engaged.