Philip: Let's split up and search the house.
Will: All right, I'll check the pool.
Philip: Will, don't even try it. There's no need to check the pool, the Jacuzzi, the tennis court or the basketball net.
[later:]
Vivian: Will, check the pool, the Jacuzzi, the tennis courts, and the basketball net.

Carlton: It wasn't in the basement either. But I did find Geoffrey's new uniform crammed behind the hot-water heater.
Geoffrey: The scoundrels must have ditched it in their haste to escape.

Carlton: Will, use a fork.
Will: Come on, man, I ain't using this wimpy fork.
Carlton: This is not a wimpy fork. This is a hand-engraved silver dessert. Jumping Jehosaphat!
Will: All right, man. All right, I'll use the fork.
Carlton: Will, I'm telling you, this is Mom's. Ms. Lamor must have taken it. Quick! Dial 911!
Will: Whoa! Hold it. Come on, man, look, you don't want to send her to jail. Remember what happened to her in Hussy Behind Bars?
Carlton: We must confront her.
Will: Wait. Come on, man. What, are you tripping? You gonna jeopardize Uncle Phil's chances of getting a book contract.
Carlton: And what do you suggest we do?
Will: I say we do what's fair and just for both parties. Steal it back and run like hell.

Carlton: Is the silver in your pockets?
Will: No, I'm just extremely happy to see you.

Carlton: We did it! God, I was fantastic! The adrenaline was flowing, the nerves of steel were calm and steady.
Will: Carlton, please, we lifted some silverware from a neighbor and I had to slap you twice to keep you from driving us to Mexico.
Carlton: I just thought we should lay low until the heat was off.

Will: Aunt Viv, good news!
Vivian: You said it. I got my silverware back.
Carlton: How'd you know?
Vivian: The caterers brought it back.
Will: Carlton, why do I have service for eight in my drawers?

Will: All we have to do is break into Sonya Lamor's and put the silverware back.
Carlton: How do we do that?
Will: But we're gonna need somebody to help us. Somebody that can't figure out what we're doing, though. Some simple-minded soul.
[Hilary walks down the stairs humming]

Hilary: What are you guys doing here?
Philip: What are you doing here?
Hilary: I'm looking for my car keys.
Will: Oh, you know what? I know where they are, Hil. I'll go get them. I'll start the car for you.
Carlton: I'll check the oil.
Philip: Nobody move.
Will: Uncle Phil, I know what you're thinking, and there's no cake left.

Carlton: Will made me do it. He held a fork to my head.
Will: All right, it's like this, Uncle Phil. We was coming in here to put back the silverware that we lifted because we thought that she stole it from Aunt Viv and, then we found out that she ain't lift nothing.
Sonya Lamor: That's right, darling. I'm the last real woman in this zip code.
Philip: Sonya, rest assured these two young men will be strongly disciplined.
Police Officer: All right, everybody, just stay right where you are. We got a report of a break-in.
Will: Put your hands down.
Carlton: I didn't want to steal the silver. And I didn't want to break back in to return it. And I didn't want to hide under the furniture like a bad old episode of Laverne & Shirley. Now I'm gonna be sent off to rot in jail. This is all your fault. [Carlton goes to hit Will with the gloves, but Will ducks so he slaps the police officer]
Sonya Lamor: I have witnesses. It wasn't me.