‘Hi-Ho Silver’
Season 2, Episode 10 - Aired November 18, 1991
Will and Carlton are convinced that a famous actress, Sonya Lamor (Zsa Zsa Gabor), stole Vivian's silverware at a party.
Quote from Philip
Sonya Lamor: And now for the film version of my book. If Meryl Streep is going to play it, she must have her nose fixed.
Philip: Absolutely. Page 3, the schnoz clause.
[As Will and Carlton tussle under the table, Will accidentally grazes Uncle Phil's foot]
Sonya Lamor: Darling, you're magnificent!
Philip: Yes, that's what my wife always says. You remember my wife? Vivian, mother of my children?
Sonya Lamor: That lovely lady in the plaid. How could I forget her? Philip, may I ask you, are you happily married?
Philip: Oh, yes. Very happy, extremely happily. You know, when we walk down the street, deer eat from our hand.
Sonya Lamor: Which reminds me, I don't work with animals.
[As Will and Carlton continue to fidget under the table, Will accidentally grabs the back of Uncle Phil's leg]
Philip: Sonya, you're a very attractive woman but I think we should keep this strictly business. So, if you don't mind, no hanky-panky.
Sonya Lamor: I agree, Philip. So, please, cool the footsie-wootsies.
Philip: Sonya, with all due respect you're the one who's playing footsie-wootsie. [Phil grabs Will's face underneath the table] What the hell is this?
Will: Please, darlings, you are too kind. No pictures.
Quote from Will
Will: Ash, peek this, babe. I got that magic joint down now.
Ashley: Please, Will, the last time you showed me a magic trick it took two months for my hair to grow back.
Will: Yeah, I know. Well, that was then and this is now. Behold, the great Willdini. All right now, here. Give me your watch. All right. Boom shaka-laka-laka Boom shaka-laka-laka boom
Ashley: What happened to "abracadabra"?
Will: No, this is black magic, Ash.
Boom!
Ashley: Ah.
Will: Hold up. I ain't finished yet. Now, here we go. Behold, a bottle, just as any other. Chaka Khan! Chaka Khan! Chaka Khan! All right. That's it. All right. Now, for my next trick, I'll need a dollar bill.
Ashley: I don't have a dollar.
Philip: I have a 20.
Will: Oh, that'll do. All right. Here we go. Notice the intricate folds. Now for the magic words. Going, going, gone! [runs out]
Philip: Will!
Quote from Will
Vivian: There you go. Some nice twelve-grain organic hot cereal.
Hilary: Wow. Looks great.
Will: How about some of that delicious soy milk to go on top?
Vivian: Oh, okay.
[As Vivian goes to the fridge to get the milk, Will, Carlton and Hilary dump their cereal into Carlton's backpack]
Carlton: Boy, that was better than the batch you made yesterday.
Vivian: Good. That's why I made twice as much today.
Will: Well, you keep dishing it up, Aunt Viv and we'll keep finding some place to put it.
Quote from Carlton
Vivian: Now I want everyone home at 7:30 sharp. Yes? We're having a get-together with the neighbors and I have invited Sonya Lamor.
Will: Word? Sonya Lamor? Hey, I've seen all her movies on the late show.
Carlton: Yeah, she did a lot of those historical dramas. My personal favorite was George Washington and the Hussy.
Quote from Ashley
Will: Whoa. Ladies and gentleman, give it up for the star of Heidi Comes to Harlem.
Ashley: Mom, if you make me go to school like this I'm going to write a book when I grow up.
Quote from Ashley
Will: Whoa. Pretty fly earmuffs you got there, Ash. A little calamine lotion probably'd take care of that rash.
Ashley: Very funny, Will. Can you believe Mom made me wear this hideous dress?
Will: Come on, Ash, not many women can carry off plaid. And here comes one now.
Vivian: Oh, Ashley, you look so adorable. Now, don't stray too far, baby, it'll ruin the effect.
Will: Don't worry about this, Ash. One day you're gonna be cracking up laughing about this with your therapist.
Hilary: Okay, I'm here.
Ashley: Mom, it's not fair. Hilary doesn't have to dress like you.
Hilary: Guess again.
Quote from Philip
Philip: Wonderful party, babe.
Vivian: Thank you, Philip. Look at poor Henry Firth. Ever since his wife left him he's been in one meaningless unsatisfying relationship after another. It's so sad, isn't it? [Phil is distracted staring at Firth's partner] Isn't it?
Philip: Makes me want to cry.
Quote from Will
Geoffrey: Ms. Sonya Lamor. [she signals for Geoffrey to initiate a round of applause] [applause]
Sonya Lamor: That is so kind of you. Please, no pictures.
Will: Hi. Ms. Lamor, I've been your biggest fan ever since I seen you in Mutiny on the Hussy. Yo, you look dope in 3-D!
Sonya Lamor: It wasn't in 3-D.
Will: Whoa, back up.
Hilary: Sonya.
Vivian: Sonya, let me introduce you to my daughters: Hilary, Ashley. My son Carlton. And my nephew Will.
Sonya Lamor: Gorgeous.
Hilary: There is something that I am just dying to know.
Sonya Lamor: Yes, I did it. And he deserved to be slapped.
Quote from Vivian
Vivian: Sonya, would you like something to eat?
Sonya Lamor: l couldn't eat a thing. Oh, wonderful sugar cake. Can I get a little, tiny, weensy piece, please, please, please?
Vivian: Certainly.
Sonya Lamor: Oh, I said a little piece, not a crumb. Oh, it's wonderful. Ah, it's magnificent. May I steal the recipe?
Vivian: Oh, I'd be more than happy to give it to you.
Sonya Lamor: Well, thank you so much.
Quote from Will
Will: Miss Lamor?
Sonya Lamor: Yes, darling.
Will: You mind taking a picture?
Sonya Lamor: Of course not.
Will: All right, here, I want you to get my good side.
[Will passes Sonya the camera and strikes a pose]
Sonya Lamor: Oh.