Philip: The silver's obviously not in the house. It must have been stolen.
Vivian: Oh, I would hate to think that a neighbor took it.
Will: We need that little White lady from Murder, She Wrote.
Vivian: Boys, we'll keep looking, but go ahead and drop this cake off at Sonya's.
Will: All right. And if you all happen to be digging around under my bed those videotapes are for my report on Clarence Thomas.

Carlton: This is all your fault!
Will: What? My fault? You're the one that said it was Aunt Viv's silverware.
Carlton: Since when do you listen to me?
Will: Let's just stop arguing, man. Let's think of a plan.
Carlton: We'll get caught. We'll go to jail. Kid 'N Play will portray us in a movie.

Philip: Oh, that diet and exercise regimen your mother put me on has really changed my life. I never felt better. It's so nice having her home all the time. She wakes up cheerful in the morning, leaves little love notes in my briefcase, calls me up at work just to chat. That woman must be stopped.