Karen: I don't mean to interrupt, but I'm Karen from across the street.
Geoffrey: [inner monologue] Hot diggity dog, where have you been all my life? [out loud] You're from the Geller's? I'm Geoffrey, the Banks' butler. May I help you?
Karen: [inner monologue] That's not all you can do, Mr. French. [out loud] I was wondering if you could lend me a cup of Lysol?
Geoffrey: Where's the regular housekeeper, Rose? [inner monologue] Like I give a damn.
Karen: She's on vacation. [inner monologue] Like I give a damn. [out loud] Anyway, I dropped some jam on the parquet floor.
Geoffrey: If I may be so bold, you might try liquid wax and a very fine steel wool.
Karen: I haven't met a man who knew so much about cleaning since my late husband.
Geoffrey: Late? I'm so sorry. [inner monologue] Ya-hoo! [out loud] Would you care to join me for some tea?
Karen: Well, perhaps I could have one cup. Ooh, the croissants look good. [inner monologue] And your buns aren't bad either.
Geoffrey: [inner monologue] Nice buns. [out loud] Buns?
Karen: You read my mind.

Karen: Well, I guess I better be getting back.
Geoffrey: Let me know if you need anything. Dust rags, furniture wax, a massage. [inner monologue] My God.
I hope I didn't say that out loud.
Karen: Thank you, Geoffrey. Thanks for the tea. [exits]
Will: Looks like G just got busy, English style.
Geoffrey: She's a fellow domestic, nothing more.
Will: G, you're wiping the table with a croissant, man.

Will: G, I don't understand why. Just pick up the phone and ask her out.
Geoffrey: I wouldn't know what to say. Karen is different. She's so cultured, she's so refined. She can read.
Will: Look, G, it's not what you say, it's what you don't say. All right, whatever you do, don't tell her you like her. Whatever you do, don't tell her that you want to go out with her. You know, and whatever you do, don't ever say the "P" word.
Geoffrey: The "P" word?
Will: Yeah, "please." If you ain't Barry White, you ain't got to beg.
Geoffrey: [on the phone] Hello? Karen, this is Geoffrey. I just wanted to tell you how much I like you.
Will: No, G, no.
Geoffrey: You are the most charming and beautiful woman I've met in a very long time.
Will: No, G. What? No, G.
Geoffrey: And I'd be honored if you'd go out with me this evening, please. [Will groans] Wonderful. I'll pick you up at 8:00. Goodbye.

Geoffrey: This evening was so special.
Karen: It was perfect. Chopin under the stars, candlelit dinner and then the carousel at the pier.
Geoffrey: I can't remember when I've had such a good time.
Karen: I don't think I ever have.
Geoffrey: It's nice to meet someone with similar interests within one's own station. The last housekeeper I dated turned up in a T-shirt that said "Loose Booty."
Karen: Uh, speaking of being a housekeeper, l need to tell you something.
Geoffrey: And I need to tell you something. I want to take you in my arms like a load of fresh laundry hot from the dryer.
Karen: Then what are you waiting for?

Sandford: Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Sandford. This is very awkward.
Sandford: I'm surprised at you.
Geoffrey: Don't be too hard on her.
Sandford: I mean you, Geoffrey. Good evening, madam.
Geoffrey: Madam? But aren't you the housekeeper?
Sandford: Housekeeper? This is Karen Caruthers, heiress to the Caruthers toilet tissue empire.
Karen: That's me, you know, please, don't squeeze the Caruthers.
Geoffrey: I assure you. Had I known, I wouldn't have. Goodnight, madam.

Geoffrey: What are you watching?
Hilary: Love Story.
Geoffrey: She dies.

Carlton: Come on, Dad, it looks great.
Philip: I can't believe I let you talk me into this. How does it look? Don't look directly at it, everybody'll notice.
Vivian: [stifling laughter] Well, whatever you do, don't scratch. I didn't bring any extra glue.
Will: Hi, Aunt Viv. Hey, you see G over there with his date? It looks like everything's going... [screams as he sees Uncle Phil's wig]

Geoffrey: Madam, please, this is quite improper. You must think of your station.
Karen: I am. Nothing's pulled into my station for quite a while.

Karen: Geoffrey, I was just telling Sarah and John about your last trip to England.
John Carnegie: Ah, did you stay at the Ritz-Carlton?
Carlton: No. I stayed with my Uncle Neville and his common law wife, Ruby.
Geoffrey: Allow me, madam.
Karen: Oh, Geoffrey. What are you doing, Geoffrey?
Geoffrey: Getting this water spot off your fork.
Karen: You're a guest here. You don't have to act that way.
Geoffrey: What way? Heavens, look at these napkins. They're all folded the wrong way.
Karen: You stop that. You're embarrassing me.
Geoffrey: Ah, I shall spare you any further embarrassment by joining the rest of the help.

Carlton: Say, Mom, what was that really hip thing Dad said the other day?
Vivian: My hip hurts?
Carlton: No, I think it was "Yo, Vivian, I can't ride my Harley right now "l think it'll mess up my hair." [Phil slaps the back of Carlton's head]
Joe: I knew there was something different. Don't tell me. The Executive, right? The Sportsman. You know I can water ski in this puppy.
Philip: Well, I feel ridiculous. I don't need a rug to attract clients. It's what's under the toupee that counts. Come on, Vivian, we're leaving. Carlton, you are grounded until you start losing your hair.