Hilary: I'm sorry I was late, Alec. I came straight from court. I was arrested during a free-Mandela rally.
Alec: Mandela was freed two years ago.
Hilary: And l, for one, want to make sure he stays that way. Say, why don't you come over for dinner again tonight and we can discuss how to keep the guy out of jail?

Alec: Lisa's the L.A. Chairperson for the National Board of Women.
Hilary: Oh, I did a lot for the women's group at my college.
Lisa: Really? Were you a member?
Hilary: Well, no. But I did talk several of them into shaving under their arms.

Carlton: Jazz, I told you not to touch my clothes! And this label clearly says, "Hand wash." And that's exactly what I did.
Jazz: Before I stuck it in the machine, I washed my hands. Well, time for dinner. [grabs a cereal box]
Vivian: Uh, Jazz, sweetheart, you are a guest in our home. Now, baby, why don't you sit down and never get up?
Will: Look, Jazz.
Jazz: I pull my own weight... [looks at Uncle Phil] which is easier for some than others.

Will: So look, why don't we just kick it over to Roscoe's Chicken N' Waffles?
Monique: No, I think I'd better stay. We're trying to raise money for the clinic, and I work there.
Will: Really, what do you do?
Monique: l'm a doctor.
Will: Get the heck out of here, I'm one of them, too.
Monique: Really? You look so young.
Will: Yeah, well, down at the hospital, they refer to me as Brother Doogie.

Philip: [to Alec] Well, I've got to hand it to you, son. That cherries jubilee was some dish.
Will: She sure was. I'm sorry I lost her number.
Alec: I'm glad you liked it, sir. If you'd had Grand Marnier, I would have made crepes suzettes.
Jazz: I suppose everybody's too full to eat the Pop-Tarts I made for dessert.
Philip: Well, Alec, son, whenever you feel the urge to cook our kitchen's always open to you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go upstairs and relax.
Jazz: Just like Black folk. Eat, then they got to go to sleep.

Will: Look, I'll make you a deal, Uncle Phil. All right Jazz will help out around the house and I'll clean up whatever messes he makes. Please? Come on, Jazz ain't got nowhere else to go.
Philip: No.
Jazz: That's all right. I understand. If you need me, I'll be asleep under your car. But just honk before you throw it in reverse.

Madie: Are you here from the court?
Hilary: Yes. My name's Hilary Banks and [loudly] my phone number is 555-9130.
Madie: Okay, I'd like you to start by helping patients fill out these intake forms.
Hilary: Well, I was hoping to work more closely with the doctor.
Madie: Do you have any medical experience?
Hilary: Well, not exactly, but I've seen every single episode of St. Elsewhere.
Madie: Remember the episode where the handsome young doctor fell in love with the beautiful female volunteer?
Hilary: [giggles] Yes.
Madie: Well, that's not gonna happen here. The only thing that gets Dr. Hudson's attention is a medical problem.

Jazz: What's up, Will?
Will: What happened to your Whitney Houston cutout?
Jazz: She fell apart in the shower. Me and Bill gonna kick it here a few days. My building's being evacuated due to bubonic plague.
Will: Well, Jazz, you're about as welcome here as Mike Tyson at a beauty pageant.
Jazz: Man, just throw us in the gutter. Looks like rain. You got any Scotchgard for Bill?
Will: Bill can stay.
Jazz: Forget that. Where he goes, I go. I mean, he's my role model. Whenever I'm in a jam, I just ask myself: "What would Bill do in that situation?"
Will: And what does Bill suggest?
Jazz: Usually Pudding Pops.

Will: Look, Jazz, I'm sure somebody else will take you in, man.
Jazz: Nope. Kuwaiti was my last hope. And he suspects me of borrowing his whitewalls. I did, but he ain't got no right to make that assumption. Shoot, right now, I ain't even got a friend in Jesus.
Will: All right, just hide your stuff in my closet and I'll work something out.
Jazz: You won't even know we're here. I will, however, require complete silence during The Young and the Restless.

Vivian: Hi, baby. How was traffic court?
Hilary: There is no justice. Just because I had three moving violations and 48 parking tickets the judge suspended my driver's license. Isn't free parking guaranteed by the Constitution?
Will: Uh, yeah, that's what Desert Storm was all about.
Hilary: And starting tomorrow I have to do community service at the South Side Clinic. I don't even know where that is.
Will: Yeah, that's at the corner of Clemons and Third, right next to the nail shop. [off Hilary & Viv's looks] Can't a brother get a pedicure?