[flashback:]
Carlton: So, Studmaster General, what's the word on co-ed tennis camp?
Chadney: I really got a lot out of it, amigo. Scored big on and off the court.
Carlton: Way to play. I kid you not, Will, women faint at this man's feet.
Will: Odor-Eaters work for me.
Chadney: Outrageous. This guy's seriously twisted.

[flashback:]
Carlton: Will, this is Simon Stanhope, our student council president.
Simon: It's my job here to give you the tour.
Will: I took the Universal Tour. You know that earthquake ride? [screams] Look out! Here comes the subway car!
Carlton: Excuse my cousin. He just doesn't know.
Simon: As I was saying, this is our founder and those are the first students of the Bel-Air Academy and they all carved their names on this the alumni desk. And these are the championship oars that we retired in 1957.
Will: Man, y'all don't throw nothing away.

[flashback:]
Mr. Fellows: I'm Edward Fellows lll, but call me Ned, okay?
Will: Okay.
Mr. Fellows: You've been assigned to my lit class, so I read your records. I just wanted to say, we're both coming from the same place.
Will: You're from Philly?
Mr. Fellows: Shaker Heights, Ohio. But when I was doing research on my main man Langston Hughes, I lived in Harlem. And believe me, those two weeks changed my life. "l bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young I built my hut by the Congo and it lulled me to sleep My soul has grown deep like the waters"
Will: I can tell.
Mr. Fellows: And listen, I've got a mean collection of jazz platters. Anytime you feel like grooving, come over and get down with my bad self. Seriously, you have any problems, any questions?
Will: Uh, where are all the fly honeys at?
Mr. Fellows: Fly honeys?
Will: Yeah, girls.
Mr. Fellows: Will, didn't anybody tell you this is an all-boys school?

Will: So then Wilbert saw their evil plan. They were trying to break him down. First, they told him it was an all-boys school. Then they tortured him with a half an hour of Broadway show tunes. But he wouldn't break. Then they went ballistic. They brought in the evil teacher, Dr. Bloat.
[flashback:]
Carlton: Enter the Bloat. Five, four, three, two.
Dr. Bloat: I am Dr B, period, Langford Oates. And you are Alan, Banks, Downer, Fales, Hunt, Lieberbaum, Smith. Smith. William Smith. Mmm? Stanhope, Sterling, Svenson-
Will: [enters] Yo!
Dr. Bloat: Mr. Svenson?
Will: [Swedish accent] Ja?
Dr. Bloat: Mr. Smith, how good of you to join us. Mr. Smith, look around. Do you see any difference between yourself and the other young gentlemen?
Will: Is that like a trick question?
Dr. Bloat: The tie, Mr. Smith. The tie. Kindly consult that section of the rule book pertaining to neckwear.
Will: Oh, you mean Section 3, Paragraph 4, which states: "A tie must be worn with a Windsor knot." But it doesn't say where.

[flashback:]
Carlton: Will, this is your first day. And I think you're rubbing a lot of people the wrong way.
Will: Carlton, here in Boys Town I don't want to rub anybody any way.
Carlton: That's not funny. Nothing you say is funny.
Will: What, did you like pass out in history class? I had them rolling.
Carlton: The people who count were laughing at you, not with you. I mean it, Will. When you're snubbed, don't say that I did not warn you.

[flashback:]
Carlton: Okay, here comes Chadney. Just lay low and watch how it's done.
Chadney: [to Will] Are you free this weekend, Smithy? My parents are throwing a weekend bash at our compound in Malibu. Badminton, the lobster boil, you know, the usual.
Will: Yes, the usual.

[flashback:]
Will: My man Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Master William.
Will: Hey, man, you know what I could really go for right now? Some pate.
Geoffrey: Then by all means, go. Might I recommend the gourmet deli on Roxbury?
Will: No, no, no. When I said I could go for it, I mean, like, I want it, like you go for it.

Will: So Wilbert thought his first day at Bel-Air Academy was a big success. When he told his aunt and uncle, they were thrilled.
[flashback:]
Philip: Oh, this is cause for celebration. Geoffrey, Will did well at school. This calls for champagne.
Carlton: [enters] There's been a tragedy at the school. The alumni desk has been cruelly and wantonly defaced.
Vivian: What happened?
Carlton: Someone carved the word "fresh" in it. And they have a theory about the person who did it.
Will: They- They do?
Carlton: They think it was a freshman who got halfway through and lost his cool.
Ashley: He lost his cool? That's funny. "Fresh" means cool, right, Will?
Will: I can't keep up with this crazy teenage slang.
Ashley: But I thought they call you the Fresh Prince.
Philip: Day damn one, Vivian. Day damn one.

[flashback:]
Dr. Bloat: And may we turn our attention to another important figure in American history. Dolley Madison was one of our most influential First Ladies and not, as Mr. Smith contends the manufacturer of Ring Dings. In the short time left, I'd like to address the infamous act of vandalism which occurred here yesterday. The desecration of our desk is indeed sad but even sadder is the fact that no one has yet come forward with a confession. So if any of you may know...
Carlton: He did it.

Will: Can you believe it? Wilbert was accused by his evil cousin Carlton. I mean, Carlbert.
Sasha: I don't get what's scary about this story. There aren't any werewolves or vampires or anything.
Will: Ah, but we're coming to the scary part. Poor Wilbert was brought to trial before the scariest monsters of all: Preppies.