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‘Deck the Halls’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Deck the Halls

115. Deck the Halls

Aired December 10, 1990

On his first Christmas in Bel-Air, Will can't help but notice that the Banks family don't exactly seem to be in the holiday spirit.

Quote from Will

Will: Thanks a lot, Ash. Now I'll never know how the story ends. Pardon me for caring, but I really wanted to know what Santa got for Christmas.
Ashley: He doesn't get an actual gift, Will. He gets the love of all the little children in the world.
Will: Really? What a gyp.
Ashley: Oh, come on, Will. Everyone knows there's no Santa Claus.
Will: Wait a minute, there is no Milli Vanilli but there definitely is a Santa Claus.

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Quote from Hilary

Hilary: [on the phone] Okay, that would be fantastic. All right. Also, I want to send a box of the fancy chocolate-covered pretzels to a Mr. Patrick Swayze. Right. And the card should read: "Pat, saw these and immediately thought of you. Love, Hilary. XXX." Okay, now, send the same thing to Kevin Costner, Michelle Pfeiffer and Sting. Great, thanks. [hangs up] Well, that takes care of the A-list. Now, should I send the box of pears or the meat thermometer to Steve Guttenberg?
Will: Hilary, I hate to inject some reality into these proceedings but who you trying to fool, baby?
Hilary: What do you mean?
Will: Hilary, you always walk around fronting like you know all these famous people. You don't know nobody.
Hilary: God, Will, you are so jaded and skeptical. You remind me so much of Judd Nelson.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Will, don't you have anything better to do with Christmas vacation than writing a silly letter?
Will: Well, what are you gonna do with your vacation? Are you gonna play with your friends?
Ashley: I wish I had someone to play with but every year my friends all go out of town and I'm stuck here all alone.
Will: Ashley, you can still do something to have fun while you're here.
Ashley: I'm going to. I've decided to learn a new word every day.
Will: Ashley, that's boring.
Ashley: Really? I think it's very autodidactic.

Quote from Will

Will: Hold up. You guys going to a Christmas party?
Vivian: Well, it's just an office Christmas party.
Will: Man, I remember our Christmas parties back in Philly. The building would be filled with the sounds of Christmas. Jingle bells and singing and laughing. Then at the end of the evening, the traditional police sirens. Those were the days.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: And then came the Third Day of Christmas and still no one had made a present for Santa. Whom shall I ask to help me, boys and girls?
Will: Ooh, I know. Ask the reindeer on your left hand.
Geoffrey: I'd love to help but I have my hooves full as it is.
Will: [laughs] I get it. His hooves are full. He don't have no hands, I get it. Hey, G, I did not see that coming. This is dope, right, Ash? Ashley!
Ashley: [wakes up] I'm awake.
Geoffrey: I don't know why I bother. It's impossible to compete with tawdry entertainment like MTV, Nintendo, the new children on the block.

Quote from Will

Will: Okay, Ash, let's write our letters to Santa Claus.
Ashley: Will.
Will: Look, here, you can help me with my list. How do you spell "Vanessa Williams"?

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Christmas vacation is finally here. God help me, I do love it so.
Ashley: I thought you liked school, Carlton.
Carlton: Ash, I think Bel-Air Academy is one of the best schools in the country. Its academics and sports program are excellent, and the faculty is first-rate but around December 10, it all starts to get a little old. Know what I mean?

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Philip, we're spending an hour at your office party and then we're coming home. I have too many papers to grade.
Philip: Okay, but first things first. Do you remember the names of all my partners' wives?
Vivian: Yes.
Philip: Okay, who is George Meyer's wife?
Vivian: Eunice.
Philip: [imitates buzzer] That was last year. The new wife's name is Kelly.
Vivian: Kelly? Walter's secretary?
Philip: Mmm-hmm. Now, who is Jack Fitzgerald's wife?
Vivian: Doris.
Philip: The correct answer is Heather, formerly the muffin-cart girl.
Vivian: Wait a minute. How many new wives are going to be at this party?
Philip: Well, let's just put it this way, Vivian. You're the only repeat.

Quote from Will

Will: Come on, Aunt Viv, this is terrible. I mean, people in Bel-Air don't know how to celebrate Christmas. I'm worried about Ashley.
Vivian: What do you mean?
Will: Growing up in Bel-Air, she never had a real Christmas. I mean, there's no sledding, there's no caroling... There's no winos making snow angels on the front lawn. I mean, y'all don't even decorate the living room.
Vivian: Yes, we do. We've already started. The poinsettias, the red candles and here's the beautiful crystal nativity your uncle gave me for Christmas years ago.
Will: Where the little baby Jesus at?
Vivian: Right there.
Will: That little disk?
Vivian: There are more decorations coming. A wonderful shop in Beverly Hills comes to the house, sets up the tree and decorates it for us.
Will: Do they open your presents and wear your sweaters for you, too?

Quote from Will

Will: Is this the wreath for the door?
Vic: Yeah. Let's talk about that wreath for a moment, if you will. Last year, I was so deeply into the distant salmons and the sandy beiges. But this year I went more with the muted roses with these little arrogant touches of celadon and periwinkle. I think it worked out quite nice.
Will: Um, let's try something wild here, you know? Do you have anything red or green or, I don't know, maybe something like a Santa Claus?
Vic: It's been done.
Will: Excuse us. Ashley, these decorations are wack. Look, we're gonna save Aunt Viv a lot of money and buy them somewhere else. Let's go.
Vic: Excuse me. You forgot your box of decorations.
Will: No, you see, we're going to do our own decorations this year. It's going to be about arrogant little elves and rambunctious reindeer and little men in red suits. I think it will be deeply, deeply dope.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Evander.
Evander Holyfield: Hilary.
Will: You know her?
Evander Holyfield: [kisses Hilary] Where were you last night at Bruce Willis' party?
Hilary: [scoffs] I'm not speaking to Bruce. I'll tell you about it later.
[Will gives a surprised look to camera and shrugs his shoulders]
Hilary: Anyway, what are you doing here?
Evander Holyfield: I didn't know you lived here. Frankly, I saw the lights and I thought they were a little tacky.

Quote from Ashley

Will: Carlton, we got a problem. Your sister, 10 years old and doesn't know the meaning of Christmas.
Ashley: I know the meaning of "undulate."

Quote from Will

Carlton: I don't know where this Christmas thing's going, but I've got bigger fish to fry. I've got to raise $600 more for my Glee Club ski trip.
Will: Give you $1 if you shave your head.
Carlton: I've booked the Alligaroos to sing at a bunch of Christmas parties. So if we make enough money, on December 26 we'll all be. [mimes skiing]
Will: Imitating Jerry Lewis?

Quote from Will

Will: Hold it! What the bloody hell kind of song is that?
Carlton: What do you mean?
Will: A little kid sees his mom tongue-wrestling with Santa Claus?
Carlton: Will, it's really his father dressed up like Santa Claus.
Will: Oh. Well, why'd he dress up like... Oh, oh, oh, I get it. I dress up like Santa Claus. You dress up like the Easter Bunny. That makes me sick.

Quote from Will

Chadney: We're putting together a program for Jonathan's parents' party tonight.
Kellogg: Jonathan's stepfather is a record producer and he asked us not to do tired old Christmas carols. Here's our program.
Will: Wait a minute. "You Don't Bring Me Flowers", "People Who Need People", "The Way We Were". Who'll come down the chimney, Barbra Streisand?
Jonathan: You've been to my parents' parties?

Quote from Vivian

Will: Hold up, Aunt Viv, does this neighborhood do anything special for Christmas?
Vivian: Not really. Well, last year, President Reagan's Secret Service agents dressed up as Santa and warned everyone to keep their distance. That was kind of festive.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Look, if you want to show Ashley a little more of the Christmas spirit why don't you go to the shop, pick up the decorations and then you and Ashley can decorate it yourself, okay?
Will: Well, all right, then. [shouts] Ashley, this is going to be hype. And you have fun at the office Christmas party.
Vivian: Thanks, I'm looking forward to meeting all the new wives. I hope they bring their Barbie dolls.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Will, were you vociferating for me?
Will: I got to get back to you on that. But anyway, you want to go to Beverly Hills with me and get the decorations?
Ashley: Okay.
Will: And we can sing Christmas songs all the way.
Ashley: Great. Here's one Carlton taught me. [sings] Scattered pictures Of the smiles we left behind

Quote from Will

Ashley: Hi.
Will: Merry Christmas.
Vic: Mmm-hmm. Aren't these figures outstanding? They're beyond outstanding, they're deeply beyond. They're hand-carved. We import them from Poland.
Will: We're looking for some Christmas decorations.
Vic: Let me show you something that we're doing now that's deeply happening. It's a Caribbean Christmas tree. It's very big in London, it's beyond big. It's all about very hot oranges and very intense yellows. I feel it's a very vibrant tree, and I feel it's a very important tree.
Ashley: Well, we're just picking up the decorations for my mother, Mrs. Banks.
Vic: Yeah, she phoned and told me you'd be putting them up yourselves this year, which is fine. You'll save yourself a little money, which is a good thing because the '90s are going to be all about restraint.

Quote from Philip

Vivian: We should have left that stupid office party an hour earlier. I still have 30 papers to grade.
Philip: Well, we're both busy, but we can't work in the car so why don't we just take this time to relax a bit?
Vivian: You're right. Oh, look how nicely they decorated the house on the corner.
Philip: Those white lights on the tree outside.
Vivian: Just the right touch of lights. A little goes a long way, you know.
Philip: God, I used to love Christmas when I was little. Now it just rushes by in one big blur.
Vivian: Hmm. Well, Christmas is more for kids. You know, even though we're busy I think we should do something nice for Will. Must be hard for him spending Christmas in a strange place.
Philip: Oh, yeah, you're right, sweetheart. We'll do something nice for him.
[As Phil and Vivian pull up on their drive way, they see the house is decked out in lights with giant inflatable candles, reindeer, snowmen and Santa Clauses]

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