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‘Day Damn One’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Day Damn One

114. Day Damn One

Aired December 3, 1990

Will entertains Ashley's slumber party with a scary tale of his first day at Bel-Air Academy.

Quote from Philip

[flashback:]
Vivian: Well, I'm going to bed. I hope you realize how lucky you were that you weren't kicked out of school.
Will: Lucky? I gotta work every day after school to pay off the desk repair.
Philip: Before I cry myself to sleep, may I leave you with a few words of advice? If at some point tomorrow, or during my lifetime for that matter, you come up with another brilliant idea for something to do at school, stop.
Do nothing. Just stand there doing nothing, saying nothing, arms at your side like a zombie. Breathing just enough to keep the blood circulating. And no more. Could you do that for me?
Will: I'm sorry, Uncle Phil. I wasn't listening. What did you say?
[Phil lunges at Will before Vivian pulls him away]
Vivian: Good night, Will. Lock your door when you go to bed.

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Quote from Carlton

[flashback:]
Carlton: Well, all I can say to you, Will, is tsk squared.

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Dr. Bloat: Now may we turn our attention to history? Thomas Paine once wrote...
Will: [raises hand] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
Dr. Bloat: Mr. Smith?
Will: Weren't you the bad guy in GoIdfinger?

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Kellogg: Smith, ho!
Will: My man Lieberbaum.
Kellogg: Right. First name Kellogg.
Will: Listen, Cornflake. "Ho" is definitely not a word that you want to yell. I think the word you're looking for is "yo."
Kellogg: "Yo"?
Will: Yeah. It'll be easy to remember. It's like "oy" backwards.

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Simon: As president of student council, I declare this tribunal in session. Let's begin by hearing from Mr. Smith.
Carlton: Will, will you finally take my advice? Let me do the talking for you. [stands up] Gentlemen, my cousin has committed a vicious crime. He could not be guiltier.
Will: Oh, yeah. That's what I would have said.
Carlton: The fact is, young Will has not yet developed the social skills to adapt to the rarefied atmosphere of Bel-Air Academy or parties in Malibu. I recommend we put him on probation, ban him from all clubs sports, special events, the Alligaroos.
Will: No, not the Alligaroos.

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Carlton: Will, let me explain something to you. In this society, we have this silly little thing called order and we have rules to preserve that order. If we let people break the rules, there would be chaos.
Will: We have rules where I'm from, too. And they say you don't rat on people.
Carlton: Will, the more you cling to your old ways and refuse to listen to reality, the harder it's going to be for you to fit in with my friends.
Will: You just don't get it, do you, man? I don't want your friends. All right? If I woke up one morning and I had all of your friends and I was an Alligaroo and I wore those cute shirts with the little horses on them, I'd jump off the Empire State Building and hope to catch my eyelid on a nail.
Carlton: With quips like that, it's no wonder you're the toast of the town. Good night, Will.

Quote from Geoffrey

[flashback:]
Geoffrey: Master William. I have been informed that due to your new after-school employment you will no longer be requiring your customary 4:00 snack. Could this be true?
Will: Yeah, afraid so, G. I might not even get home till dinner time, if that early.
Geoffrey: What a pity. Out of curiosity just what is the nature of your enforced labor?
Will: Kitchen duty. Fetching, cleaning, carrying, that kind of stuff.
Geoffrey: [almost drops the cups he's holding] Indeed. Oh, well. Chin up.
[After Geoffrey walks away, he is heard laughing uproariously]

Quote from Ashley

Sasha: I wish I could see your sister's face when she finds Courtney's frog in her bed.
Ashley: You and me both. This is gonna be good.
Courtney: If she doesn't scream soon, I'm gonna have to give my frog a drink. Ferdinand gets dehydrated.
Hilary: [knocks] [o.s.] It's Will and Hilary. Open up. [girls scream]
Ashley: No. We're all gonna die.
Hilary: We wanted to say good night. We're going to bed just as soon as we finish this frog-leg soup.
Courtney: Frog-leg soup?
Will: It's mm-mm good.
Hilary: I wish you could have some but there wasn't enough frog to make more than two bowls.
Sasha: Can I have a bite?
Ashley: Sasha, they're eating Ferdinand.
Will: Ferdinand? This is a guy frog?
Hilary: Nighty-night. Don't let the snails bite.
Courtney: Snails?
Will: That's funny, I thought she said she put snakes in your sleeping bags. [girls scream] Psych! Psych!
Ashley: Um, that means "just kidding."

Quote from Ashley

Will: I got a scary story, but I have to warn you it's really, truly frightening. Any of you have pacemakers on?
Ashley: No.
Will: See, what makes this story so scary is that it's true. It happened to a guy named Willbert. Wilbert Smithsonian. See, Wilbert Smithsonian grew up in Philly and he went to school in the 'hood, right? But this school he went to was so tough. I mean, it was graffiti everywhere, even on the principal. [girls ooh] But that's not the scary part. It all happened right here in Bel-Air when Wilbert was transferred to a private school. It was a living nightmare.

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Will: "Enter as boys. Leave as men." How long they trying to keep us here?

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Carlton: So, Studmaster General, what's the word on co-ed tennis camp?
Chadney: I really got a lot out of it, amigo. Scored big on and off the court.
Carlton: Way to play. I kid you not, Will, women faint at this man's feet.
Will: Odor-Eaters work for me.
Chadney: Outrageous. This guy's seriously twisted.

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Carlton: Will, this is Simon Stanhope, our student council president.
Simon: It's my job here to give you the tour.
Will: I took the Universal Tour. You know that earthquake ride? [screams] Look out! Here comes the subway car!
Carlton: Excuse my cousin. He just doesn't know.
Simon: As I was saying, this is our founder and those are the first students of the Bel-Air Academy and they all carved their names on this the alumni desk. And these are the championship oars that we retired in 1957.
Will: Man, y'all don't throw nothing away.

Quote from Will

[flashback:]
Mr. Fellows: I'm Edward Fellows lll, but call me Ned, okay?
Will: Okay.
Mr. Fellows: You've been assigned to my lit class, so I read your records. I just wanted to say, we're both coming from the same place.
Will: You're from Philly?
Mr. Fellows: Shaker Heights, Ohio. But when I was doing research on my main man Langston Hughes, I lived in Harlem. And believe me, those two weeks changed my life. "l bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young I built my hut by the Congo and it lulled me to sleep My soul has grown deep like the waters"
Will: I can tell.
Mr. Fellows: And listen, I've got a mean collection of jazz platters. Anytime you feel like grooving, come over and get down with my bad self. Seriously, you have any problems, any questions?
Will: Uh, where are all the fly honeys at?
Mr. Fellows: Fly honeys?
Will: Yeah, girls.
Mr. Fellows: Will, didn't anybody tell you this is an all-boys school?

Quote from Will

Will: So then Wilbert saw their evil plan. They were trying to break him down. First, they told him it was an all-boys school. Then they tortured him with a half an hour of Broadway show tunes. But he wouldn't break. Then they went ballistic. They brought in the evil teacher, Dr. Bloat.
[flashback:]
Carlton: Enter the Bloat. Five, four, three, two.
Dr. Bloat: I am Dr B, period, Langford Oates. And you are Alan, Banks, Downer, Fales, Hunt, Lieberbaum, Smith. Smith. William Smith. Mmm? Stanhope, Sterling, Svenson-
Will: [enters] Yo!
Dr. Bloat: Mr. Svenson?
Will: [Swedish accent] Ja?
Dr. Bloat: Mr. Smith, how good of you to join us. Mr. Smith, look around. Do you see any difference between yourself and the other young gentlemen?
Will: Is that like a trick question?
Dr. Bloat: The tie, Mr. Smith. The tie. Kindly consult that section of the rule book pertaining to neckwear.
Will: Oh, you mean Section 3, Paragraph 4, which states: "A tie must be worn with a Windsor knot." But it doesn't say where.

Quote from Carlton

[flashback:]
Carlton: Will, this is your first day. And I think you're rubbing a lot of people the wrong way.
Will: Carlton, here in Boys Town I don't want to rub anybody any way.
Carlton: That's not funny. Nothing you say is funny.
Will: What, did you like pass out in history class? I had them rolling.
Carlton: The people who count were laughing at you, not with you. I mean it, Will. When you're snubbed, don't say that I did not warn you.

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