Vivian: Baby, what's wrong? Did they wax the floor at Neiman's again?
Hilary: Huh? l twisted my ankle.
Ashley: [gasps] Which ankle?
Hilary: Well, it's sort of a shooting pain. It shoots from one ankle to the other. Luckily, Dr. Handsome was there. I mean, Hudson. Dr. Alec Hudson, M.D.
Vivian: Hi, I'm Vivian Banks, Hilary's mom. Thank you for marrying- Carrying her.
Ashley: Hi, I'm Ashley. Do you come in a smaller size?

Hilary: Ouch, my ankle.
Jazz: Unhand my woman's thigh.
Hilary: It's my ankle.
Jazz: Well, if you ever gave me any thigh, maybe I'd know the difference.

Philip: That's weird. Everyplace I've gone today, I've smelled garlic.
[Jazz goes inside Uncle Phil's jacket pocket]
Jazz: Hey, you didn't eat your lunch. After I spent all morning frying the salami.

Will: Uncle Phil, look what Hilary brought home. He's a doctor, without a wedding band. And, check it out, he's Black.
Alec: Well, I wasn't always, but it was the only way I could get a scholarship.
Philip: Alec Hudson, nice to meet you, sir. Philip Banks. So, you're not married? Have a seat, son.

Vivian: Look who's up. It's Geoffrey. Doesn't he look wonderful?
Geoffrey: Actually, I spent the last half-hour regurgitating.
Will: Thank God, 'cause I thought you were singing.

Will: Hilary, what's wrong?
Hilary: He doesn't even know I'm alive.
Jazz: If he don't know whether or not somebody's alive he's in the wrong damn business.

Hilary: Most men find me attractive, but not Alec. He didn't even look at me twice.
Will: Hilary, Alec is not like most guys you date. This dude is deep. He's an intellectual. He went to school for 10 years, after he graduated.

Jazz: Ah, salaam, I love you. Hey, baby. I'm Jazz, a close, personal friend of Bill Cosby. Did I mention you're the only woman I ever loved? Don't mention that to my fiance, Hilary.
Will: Jazz, that is Hilary.
Jazz: Well, if you gave me the attention I deserve I wouldn't have to fulfill my needs elsewhere.

Vivian: Hilary, why in the world are you dressed like that?
Philip: I hope you don't think you're leaving the house looking like that.
Hilary: But this is what will attract Alec.
Vivian: I'll drop you off at the clinic.

Jazz: I think I know where your uncle's briefcase is. It got a little condensed when I put it in that drawer.
Will: That is not a drawer, Jazz, that's a trash compactor! When Uncle Phil sees that it's gonna be a Jazz compactor!
Jazz: That's gratitude for you. I work all day trying to keep this house nice for you. I cook, and clean, and work my fingers to the bone and this is the thanks I get?
Will: Well, I bust my hump at school all day and you just sit around here watching soap operas and eating bonbons.
Jazz: Well, excuse me for having a little fun. Maybe it's because you never take me out anymore.
Will: Maybe I would, if you fixed yourself up a little bit. Hold up. Wait a minute. We sound like an old married couple.
Jazz: So now I'm old? And I gave you the best years of my life.
Will: Look, I'm sorry. All right. Look, I'm sorry. Come on. Homeys?
Jazz: Don't try and sweet-talk me. And if you'll excuse me, I have a headache.