Will: Never in the history of pugilistic pursuit has one so completely dominated. Muhammad, what do you have to say?
Nicky: I'm the greatest and I'm pretty. You know I made you, Howard.
Philip: What is going on here?
Will: Oh, you know, the family vowed to get in shape for the new year, so we gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna take Nicky and put him in a boxing class.
Philip: Oh, that's fine. Just make sure he learns that boxing is about athleticism and sportsmanship, not violence.
Nicky: [punching the inflatable] Now I'm gonna get medieval on you.
Will: We ain't really get to the sportsmanship part yet.

Will: Well, hey, Uncle Phil, why don't you come to the gym with us?
Philip: Oh, I'd love to, I really would, but I have so much work to do on the trial this morning.
Will: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Philip: Okay, okay, fine. I'm not going because I don't want to. And you can't make me.

Carlton: Geoffrey, what do you think? Honestly.
Geoffrey: I think it's the most ridiculous costume I've ever seen.
[Ashley comes downstairs in her hot dog uniform]
Geoffrey: I stand corrected.
Will: Hey, Ashley. All ready for your first day at work?
Ashley: What was I thinking telling Daddy I'd pay for half my car? I feel like a dork. And I have to wear this same stupid uniform day after day after day.
Geoffrey: Gee, wouldn't that suck?

Will: Hey, hey, Nicky. Got you all signed up for your boxing lesson. So I'll meet you over by the ring later?
Nicky: Okay. I'm gonna float like a butterfly and stink like a bee.
Will: That's close enough, all right.

Hilary: Will, how do you turn these on?
Will: You gotta work them yourself, Hil.
Hilary: Oh. Ew! I'm starting to sweat.

Will: Big Nick, what's up, man? How's your boxing lesson?
Nicky: Great. Helena said I was the best in the class.
Will: Helena? Wait a minute, you're the boxing instructor?
Helena: You got a problem with that?
Will: Oh, no, no. You know, cute little gloves, nice tight little outfit. Works for you, cutie.
Helena: Now, there's a typical male attitude.
Will: Oh, no, no, no. No disrespect. I'm just saying, you know, female boxers ain't exactly common. Ain't nobody ever heard of Muhammad Ali Sheedy, you know. You know, it's Sonny Liston, it's not Sonny and Cher Liston. You know what I'm saying.

Philip: So how you feeling, Will?
Will: Not great.
Philip: Son, there's a lesson to be learned here. Just because you got defeated by a, heh, woman, doesn't make you any less of a man.
Will: Yeah, I know that, Uncle Phil.
Philip: I mean, I can understand your being embarrassed by being clocked by someone half your size, but you'll get past it.
Will: I'm feeling better already.
Philip: The sheer humiliation alone...
Will: You know, I get it, Uncle Phil.

Hilary: I have my whole agenda planned. First, I have an apple wrap then a hot-oil massage, finishing with an aroma-therapy facial. I'll be lucky if I'm able to walk tomorrow.

Helena: Sounds like you're saying you wanna put on some gloves and spar with me.
Will: No. How'd it sound like that? Heh, heh, heh.
Helena: You don't want to?
Will: Oh, no. You know what? My mom told me never hit a lady.
Helena: Because you're not fast enough?
Will: [screams] Ah! That's a good one. That's a good one. Now take it back.
Helena: I don't think so. [jabs Will]
Will: Ooh. [nasally voice] No need to go there.
Helena: You're right. [jabs him again]
Will: [normal voice] Ooh. That one actually hurt a little. Look here, Helena, I was thinking- [she punches him in the stomach] Ugh! Shoot. [pained voice] Now it's on.

Will: Big Nick, what's up, man?
Nicky: I'm working on the model I got for Christmas.
Will: Oh, yeah, I wish I got a model for Christmas. Mm! Five-nine, 120. You know, bloo-bloo-blap-blap! Boom!
Nicky: Wouldn't that be hard to put together?
Will: I'm just kidding, Nick. Don't worry. Here, let me help you with this model.
Nicky: It's pretty complicated, Will.
Will: Please, boy, I was putting models together before you was born. Come on, pass me that glue.
Nicky: It's pretty strong stuff, Will.
Will: [scoffs]
[cut to Will with pieces of the model glued all over his body]