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‘All Guts, No Glory’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: All Guts, No Glory

403. All Guts, No Glory

Aired September 27, 1993

After signing up for a string of easy classes, Will wants to back out of the one difficult course he chose, Western Philosophy, because the teacher is too challenging.

Quote from Philip

Will: Uncle Phil, let me tell you, this dude is hilarious. I mean, he's fun, he's funny. He makes me think about stuff in a way that I never even looked at it before. And I dropped his class.
Philip: Let me guess. Western Philosophy, right?
Will: How does everybody know that?
Philip: Because every time you're faced with a challenge, you run for cover.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, now, that is not true, Uncle Phil. I mean, this whole college thing is just kind of new to me.
Philip: Oh, bull! It's old territory. I mean, you're always going on about how you want to be out on your own and get respect. But you don't do anything to earn it.
Will: Oh, look, I think it's my break time.
Philip: What the hell is wrong with you, anyway? I mean, you're smart, you're charming. You have gifts that other people would kill to have. And what do you do? You throw it away by taking the easy road.
Will: Uncle Phil, this is one class.
Philip: No, this is not one class, Will. This is your life. It's not my life, it's not Carlton's life and you only get out of it what you put into it. And you are off to one lousy start.
Will: But enough about me, Uncle Phil. Let's talk about you.
Philip: That's exactly what I'm talking about.

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Quote from Will

Philip: So how was registration today, guys?
Will: Oh, yo, it was slamming, Uncle Phil.
Philip: He met a girl, right?
Carlton: You got it, big guy. And he joined classes just because she's in it. He doesn't even know what he's taking.
Will: I do too.
Carlton: Name it.
Will: [reading] "Western Pornography."
Carlton: Western Philosophy.

Quote from Hilary

Philip: Hilary. Sweetheart. How you feeling?
Hilary: I'm feeling much better, thanks. [sobs]
Philip: Now, now, baby, tell you what. Why don't you put on some clothes and hop in the car, and drive over to Neiman's and do a little shopping.
Hilary: Oh, thanks, Daddy, but I'm not ready to go out just yet.
Philip: Oh. And you don't have to. Here. I'll even look the number up for you.
Hilary: [dials] Hello, Neiman's? Listen, I want to order that adorable Donna Karan pantsuit in your catalog. Item DK35712. Yeah, and on page 14, there's this fabulous leather bag and... Oh, that would be cute.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, do you realize we stopped and talked to every woman we saw?
Will: So?
Carlton: We were on the freeway. I mean, why do you do these crazy things?
Will: The same reason Eddie Murphy tries to sing, I like the challenge.

Quote from Will

Philip: Western Philosophy? I'm impressed.
Carlton: You don't even know what Western Philosophy is.
Will: I do too. It answers questions like: Did anybody really believe Kool Moe Dee was a cowboy? [sings] The wild wild west The wild wild west
Carlton: [sings] I used to live downtown

Quote from Ashley

Philip: Ashley! Could we see a little compassion here? Hilary just lost her fiance. She could use a little sisterly comfort.
Ashley: I'm sorry. You're right. Hilary, this is your sister, Ashley. Suck it up, and get on with your life!

Quote from Will

Will: Do you always have to embarrass me in public?
Jackie: No, you do that all by yourself.
Will: What'd you sign up for today, Advanced Sarcasm?
Jackie: Whatever I'm taking has gotta be tougher than your schedule. What is Cheese Appreciation, anyway?
Will: Have you ever heard of a little thing called Western Philosophy?
Jackie: You're taking Western Philosophy?
Will: I can see you're being seduced by my intellectual prowess.
Jackie: Is that Spam in your teeth?
Will: I didn't have no Spam.

Quote from Will

Will: No, now, come on, come on, man. I'm just kidding. Here, why don't you take a seat right here, next to me and observe a class clown in his natural habitat.
Professor Mansfield: Oh, I get it. You're planning on giving the teacher a real hard time, is that it?
Will: Well, you know, that's plan B. Plan A was derailed by this refrigerator-shaped gentleman over here.
Professor Mansfield: I gotta tell you, I see a real problem with Plan B.
Will: What's that?
Professor Mansfield: Watch. I am Professor Jeremy Mansfield and this is Western Philosophy.
Will: I'm Will Smith. And this is an interesting coincidence.

Quote from Will

Professor Mansfield: Philosophy is all about the perception of reality. And today's reality is this is a very difficult course. I am a very difficult man and I'm going to make your lives very difficult.
Will: Excuse me, Professor Mansfield, it's not too late to start sucking up, is it?
Professor Mansfield: There'll be a paper every week and a pop quiz whenever I feel like having some fun... And I'm a fun-loving guy. You will have five 20-page papers, two midterms and a little cumulative final that I like to call the widow-maker.
[fantasy:]
Professor Mansfield: Thank you, Padre. Not so quick with the hair jokes now, my friend? Well, work may be hard but I think in the long run you'll find this course electrifying.
Will: No, no, no! No, wait. Call my mother! Somebody call the governor! I ain't even supposed to be in this class, man! I wanna live.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Vivian.
Vivian: It's celery, I swear. [Philip dances with Vivian] Woo! Philip, what has gotten into you?
Philip: The incarceration of a felon always gets my juices pumping. Let's go upstairs and celebrate.
Vivian: Honey, we have a problem. Hilary, your credit cards, I mean...
Philip: Oh, after, after.
Vivian: See?
Philip: So what? We're wealthy. You should have seen me deny that man's plea bargain. I was brilliant!

Quote from Will

Professor Mansfield: One of the central questions of philosophy is the revelation of truth.
Will: Enjoy.
Professor Mansfield: Do you wanna know the truth? Do you wanna know the truth? You can't handle the truth!
Will: Hey, that's Jack Nicholson.
Professor Mansfield: Mr. Smith, if you wouldn't mind, please would you just beam yourself out of here.
Will: Oh, Captain Kirk, now that's fly.
Professor Mansfield: No, this is The Fly: "Help me! Help me!"

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil. What you doing down here?
Philip: I'm gonna tape Carlton's first pep rally. You have no idea how proud I am that he's the peacock.
Will: Nope, not even a clue. Oh, hey, you got a little time, though. You want some grub?
Philip: I've already eaten.
Will: Is that a yes or a no?

Quote from Will

Professor Mansfield: Okay, here's another oldie but a goodie. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it does it make a sound?
Will: Yes, yeah, yes, it does. [off his look] No, no, it don't. Well, no, well, you know, yeah, it's a tree, it has to, yeah.
Yeah, it... Well... How big is the tree? I mean, is it anywhere near a subway or anything like that? And how close is this forest to the ghetto? Okay, all right, how about if it landed on, like, a gopher or something like that? Hey, does the noise that the gopher makes count? Or what if it falls on Uncle Phil and he hurt the tree?

Quote from Will

Carlton: Look, Will, we're almost there.
Will: Carlton, relax. This is the line for class registration not the Nixon Library.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, I took the liberty of jotting out a few courses you might be interested in.
Will: Thank you, Carlton, but I already have my academic priorities in order.
Carlton: Will, I'm proud of you. You're finally taking your education seriously.
Registrar: Can I help you?
Will: Yes, I'll have what she's having.

Quote from Geoffrey

Carlton: Right, well, if you like to be challenged so much how come you registered for classes like Cheese Appreciation?
Will: Carlton, the challenge is to make your life as easy as possible.
Geoffrey: Hmm. That's why God made canned meat. Spam cakes, anyone?
Will: Hey, man.
Philip: Morning.
Will: Hey, Uncle Phil.
Philip: Geoffrey, something sure smells good.
Geoffrey: [holds up wrist] Patchouli, sweet of you to notice.

Quote from Will

Will: Okay, okay, attention Kmart shoppers. We're running out of books for Psych 157 the study of human sexuality. So for any of you slimmies who miss out, I'll be more than happy to demonstrate the contents of the book. Twice, you know.
Jackie: Can I borrow that for a second?
Will: Oh, sure thing, boss lady.
Jackie: [over loudspeaker] You're an idiot.
Will: There you go making snap judgments again.
Professor Mansfield: Hi, I need to get-
Will: Hey, Sting, kick some lyrics, man.

Quote from Will

Professor Mansfield: Excuse me, you think I could possibly get some help?
Will: Well, Hair Club For Men would be a good start.
Professor Mansfield: Ah, nothing like that minimum-wage humor. Look, my friend, if it's not too taxing I'd like you to do a little work, find these books for me.
Will: All right, all right, just relax a second. Here, fill out this requisition form, and I'll get them for you as soon as I can.
Professor Mansfield: Okay, try to have it before graduation, okay?
Will: Sure thing, Skippy.
Professor Mansfield: You know, I'd stay and continue this battle of wits with you but you're obviously unarmed.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Carlton the peacock says, "Don't be a quitter, pick up your litter." Help me! Come on, guys, help me up.
Will: Yeah, we need a cleanup on aisle four. We got some bird droppings.

Quote from Will

Will: Excuse me but I think I've seen your picture somewhere before. Oh, yeah, that's right, it was in the dictionary next to: Kablam!
Woman: Don't you have nothing better to do than hit on me?
Will: Well, now, I don't know, let me check my schedule. Nope, all clear. And... Plus, I don't have any early classes, that means we could sleep in.
Woman: You're relentless.
Will: Yeah, I don't give up, neither. Just think of me as the Love Terminator.
Woman: T2, meet my boyfriend, T-Rex.
Will: Hasta la vista, baby.

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