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‘Father of the Year’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Father of the Year

404. Father of the Year

Aired October 4, 1993

Will pretends that Nicky is his son to endear himself to women.

Quote from Will

Will: Listen, I don't deserve all this stuff.
Jake Maxwell: That's right, young fella, you deserve a whole lot more. So how's about a holiday in Hawaii?
Will: Oh, look, I can't- I'm sorry, did you say Hawaii?
Jake Maxwell: Will, if it's not too painful, could you tell the folks at home a little bit about Tirisha?
Will: Who?
Jake Maxwell: Tirisha, your son's mother.
Will: Oh, that Tirisha. Yes, she's dead now. Um, I met her after I got back from fighting them oil fires, uh, in Kuwait. You know, and my hair, my eyebrows and everything had just started growing back. And um, General Powell said to me: "Yo, homey, you need to get down with a little R and R because you're looking a little singed." You know, so in China... He sent me to China. And then that's where we met. It was in a little-known province called Rae Dawn Chong. And... [sees Jackie] Well, sayonara.

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Quote from Will

Will: Look, it's just this little blurb in some dumb school newspaper! Freeze. Don't be coming over here with no attitude. This ain't my fault.
Jackie: Oh, whose was it then?
Will: Well, yours.
Jackie: What?
Will: You heard me. I'm saying, you know I can't be trusted. You wouldn't have left me here alone, none of this mess would ever have happened.
Jackie: That's it. I didn't come all the way here from Philly to hear this.
Will: Oh, this gonna happen, is it? Don't be all up in my grill.
Jackie: I am tired- Oh, get out of my face!
Will: Don't be up in my grill!
Jackie: Now, you need to shut- I'm out of here!
Will: Excuse me, excuse me! You know what?
Both: You ain't never gonna change! I'm getting the last word! Oh, no, you're not! Oh, yes, I am! Damn!

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Philip, honey, can I speak to you a minute, please? Is this a good idea, honey? Do you think we can rely on them to take care of the B-A-B-Y?
Hilary: Who's Bobby?
Vivian: The baby.
Hilary: Mom, his name is Nicky.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Will, you've gotta help me. I took Nicky shopping, but I can't try anything on. I mean, he just lies there watching me get undressed and making these tiny little drool bubbles and... He reminds me of Trevor.

Quote from Will

Philip: Vivian, sweetheart I love you and I miss you. And that's why we're going to have lunch this afternoon at La Teau.
Vivian: Oh, I'd love to, honey. But I don't think Nicky is ready for restaurants yet.
Philip: I was talking about us, Vivian. We're going to kiss. We're going to have a romantic, baby-free good time.
Will: Uncle Phil, I think you should be more concerned with a cholesterol-free good time.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Hi, honey, your dad and I just had the most romantic lunch.
Philip: Romantic? I don't mean to be critical, Vivian but you did mention the baby, what, three or four dozen times?
Vivian: It was so romantic when you asked that strolling violinist to play my favorite song.
Philip: Yes. And what did you request? "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round."
Vivian: [sings] The wheels on the bus go round and round...

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Excuse me. Geoffrey, where's the baby?
Geoffrey: The baby? Ah, the baby. Actually, Miss Hilary insisted on taking him out for the afternoon. And since the poor girl's still so depressed about Trevor I hadn't the heart to refuse.
Hilary: [enters] Hi, everybody. Geoffrey, could you give me a hand? I left the most important thing in the car.
Vivian: Hilary. You left the baby alone in the car?
Hilary: Mother, I would never do that. How irresponsible do you think I am?
Philip: Well, then where's the baby?
Hilary: I don't know.
Hilary: Mom, you have to see these earrings I bought. The little diamonds spell out-
Vivian: Hilary!
Hilary: How did you know?

Quote from Philip

Philip: You know, Will, if you had pulled a stunt like this when you were in high school, God knows what I would've done. Why, I might've done something like this... [sits down on Will]

Quote from Will

Will: [on the phone] Jackie, now how you gonna play me? You left me in charge here. How come you can't trust me?
Jackie: Because I grew up with you. Now, did you do everything on my list?
Will: Well, yeah, Miss Daisy. I cleaned the windows. I cleaned the floor. I even cleaned the ceiling. Hey, look, you are talking to one tired freshman here, Miss Boss Lady.
Jackie: Well, I am impressed.
Will: As well you should be. Shame on you not trusting me. Now, you kick butt in that game.
Jackie: All right, bye.
Will: Bye bye. [hangs up] Hey. Good job, Harold. Hey, you know, Agnes. I don't know why your daughter doesn't call you. Hey. Break time's over, Sol.

Quote from Carlton

Philip: And one of you will babysit.
Carlton: Big poopy.
Philip: What did you say?
Carlton: Oh, I said: "Beg, puppy" to my pretend dog, Ernie. Fetch, Ernie. He's gone now.

Quote from Will

Geoffrey: Not to worry, madam. I'll care for the child as though he were my very own. [after Philip & Vivian leave] We'll draw straws for the little bugger. Short one loses.
Will: Oh, that would be you, Carlton.
Carlton: Har-de-har-har, but I've got a class.
Will: Well, wait a minute, I've got a job.
Ashley: I've got a match.
Hilary: I've got...
Will: A date with Mr. Stinky!

Quote from Will

Woman: Two cappuccinos, please.
Will: Well, I'm hoping you like it dark, hot, sweet and with a spoon in it.
Woman: Could you hurry it up, please? I told that guy over there I'd buy him some coffee. Poor Todd. Trying to raise his baby all alone, hold down a job, go to school. I think it's just adorable.
Will: You do? I'm the same, baby. I mean, I'm holding down a job and going to school. About that baby part, if you ain't doing nothing later, I'm...

Quote from Will

Will: Whoa, hold up, girl. I'm working this place by myself. Jackie's at an away game. And I ain't got no time for no "Give me my bottle and change my didy." "Wipe my booty." Hmm.
[later:]
Woman: Oh, Will, your little boy is just adorable.
Will: Well, like padre, like nino, you know what I'm saying?

Quote from Will

Candace: Hi, hey. I'm Candace. Could I get a picture of you and your son together?
Will: Oh, yeah, sure.
Candace: How do you manage being a single father? Doesn't it get lonely?
Will: Well... You know, the nights is kind of bad. You know, because I have to be both Mommy and Daddy to little Willie Junior here since... Since Tirisha died.
Carlton: That's it. I'm not gonna stand another minute and listen to this.
Will: Hey! Isn't that who played Greg Brady?!
Carlton: Where? Hey, Greg, wait up!
Candace: You are quite a guy, Will. Just tell me everything about you.
Will: You mean, you want to be our friend?
Candace: Yeah.
Will: Hey, little Willie, we made a new friend. And she can sleep over any time she wants to.

Quote from Ashley

Philip: Vivian. We used to go to a restaurant and not even be able to make it to the table. You remember the cloakroom at Mario's Peruvian?
Ashley: Excuse me, but when did I get old enough to hear this? Ugh.

Quote from Hilary

Philip: Well, wait a minute, Will. How did you get hold of the baby? Wasn't Hilary supposed to watch him? Hilary?
Hilary: What? Oh, God, it's not like I left him at Sizzler... Dad.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Don't worry, Nicky, Mommy's got you now. [sings] The wheels on the bus go round and round
Philip: Huh. I guess the only way I'm gonna get attention here is if I start wearing diapers.
Will: No, Uncle Phil, you got at least five years before you need them.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Look, I won't let you use Nicky for evil anymore. Next time I'm going to the authorities.
Will: Thanks for the warning, Captain Weenie.

Quote from Will

Will: Man, this is an embarrassment of riches.
Carlton: But what about me?
Will: You just an embarrassment, man.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Oh, boy, are you in trouble. And I'd like to say, "Hey, I'm here for you" but, heck, I'd be lying.

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