Fez: Ah, women. Am I right, guys? Ah, who am I kidding? There's no woman for Fez. What must Fez do to get a woman?
Hyde: Well, for one thing, he's gotta cut out that third-person crap. It's weird. You are Fez. You know something else? Shoes say a lot about a man. In your case, your chukka boots are screaming "virgin."
Fez: Damn you, boots. What else have you told them?

Fez: How am I supposed to afford new boots? My Bible-thumping host parents won't give me an allowance because I am a pagan.
Hyde: You know, Leo's looking for help down at the Fotohut.
Fez: The Fotohut, huh? I can really "picture" myself there. That job and I will really "click." Oh, I am on a "roll"... of film. [Hyde punches Fez's arm] Ow. Don't be so "negative." [chuckles] I am the king.

Leo: You sure you wanna get in the Fotohut game? It can chew you up and spit you out like a stick of gum. Or something that seemed edible till you put it in your mouth and then you realized it's not. Or a stick of gum.
Fez: What kind of gum?
Leo: Big Red.
Fez: Oh, that's fine.
Leo: Okay, you're hired. But you're on probation. No, wait. I'm on probation. Oh, wow. I gotta go see my probation officer.
Fez: So he's my new boss?
Hyde: Welcome to paradise.