Kitty: I wonder if the Pilgrims were clever enough to put peanut butter on their celery.

Bob: Red, what a surprise to run into you. [chuckles]
Red: I live here, Bob.
Bob: Yep. [mumbles]
Red: Okay, I'm going in.
Bob: Actually, Red, I just wanted to ask you a favor. My appliance store gets real busy over the holidays and I could use a little help down there.
Red: Oh, you offering me a job?
Bob: Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea. This is not charity.
Red: Charity?
Bob: No, not charity.
Red: I'm not looking for work anyway, Bob.
Bob: But-
Red: Goodnight, Bob!
Bob: Midge, he yelled at me!

Kitty: Oh, and before I forget Laurie told me what she wants for Christmas. A portable TV for her dorm room.
Red: [chuckles] I'm working part-time, she wants a TV. Great.
Kitty: Maybe Bob can get you a good deal on one from his store.
Red: I don't need any help from that damn Bob. You know what he did yesterday? He offered me a job.
Kitty: He did? Oh. Well, we have to move away from such an evil man.
Red: Well, you're a lot of fun in the morning. [rolls over]
Kitty: Hey, turkey boy. Wanna show me your giblets? [both chuckle]

Eric: No, I mean, I feel bad. Look, I think I gotta tell Donna.
Hyde: Really? Well, on behalf of men everywhere. [flicks Eric's forehead]
Kelso: Yeah, man, I mean the right thing to do is juggle them both until it all blows up in your face.

Hyde: Donna, you wanna talk? [Donna walks out]
Kelso: I guess Donna didn't take it very well.
Red: Take what well? [looks at Kelso]
Kelso: Eric made out with Kate.
Red: Anything else?
Fez: Your son is a whore.

Red: Where's your grandma?
Laurie: She's not coming. She said she's going to Cousin Joel's for Thanksgiving.
Red: Ah, that's not so bad.
Eric: Actually, she said it was a shame she couldn't spend what might be her last Thanksgiving with her family. But she does hope we all enjoy ourselves.
Kitty: Well, you know what? That's just fine. [chuckles] I don't need to kiss some old lady's A-S-S on my holiday. You heard what I spelled. [phone rings] Forget it.

Red: So... you give an employees' discount down there at your store?
Bob: Twenty percent.
Red: Does that cover, anything? Like, oh, say portable TVs?
Bob: Oh, heck, yeah.
Red: Congratulations, Bob, you just hired me. [chuckles]
Bob: Good. I'm glad to hear it, Red. You know, you'll have to call me Mr. Pinciotti at work. [off Red's look] Oh, I got you good that time. [laughs]

Eric: Look, we need to talk.
Donna: I'll start. Get out!
Eric: What do you want me to say? I already apologized. You- You just want to forget about us because I kissed some girl?
Donna: Why'd you do it?
Eric: Well, I have it on pretty good authority that I'm a dumbass.

Eric: Laurie's bus isn't here yet. Can we get in the car and turn on the heat? I'm freezing.
Red: I'm not wasting gas just so you can be comfortable.
Eric: Well, can we at least go wait inside?
Kitty: I'm not going in that bus station with those people.
Eric: God, I'm freezing.

Red: Get Kate settled into your room.
Eric: Yeah.
Laurie: Yeah, and don't forget to show her your GI Joe dolls.
Eric: That's such a good idea. That'll give you a chance to tell Dad about that professor you're dating.
Red: What?
Laurie: Dad, he's joking.