Eric: Oh, you guys, I gotta work on my term paper.
Donna: Where's Grandma?
Eric: Oh, she's in the bathroom, so I've got, like, twenty minutes, half hour tops.

Eric: No, I wanna keep peace in the family.
Hyde: Yeah, Donna, Forman wants the Hallmark card family.
Eric: The what?
Hyde: You know, Grandma comes over...
[fantasy: Red, Bernice and Kitty are smiling as they sit on the couch in their church clothes:]
Hyde: [as Kitty] To my mother-in-law on this beautiful Sunday. Your smiling face your kind embrace has made my home a happy place.
Hyde: [as Bernice] And I'm so happy you're the one to whom I gave my loving son.
Hyde: [as Red] And I'm so happy you're both happy 'cause otherwise life would be crappy.
[reality:]
Eric: I don't want that.
Hyde: Yeah, you do. I can see it in those wide, hopeful eyes. But the reality is this:
[fantasy: Red, Bernice and Kitty are smiling as they sit on the couch in their church clothes:]
Hyde: [as Bernice] To my daughter-in-law, you took my son.
Hyde: [as Kitty] You wrecked my life.
Hyde: [as Bernice] You stole my youth.
Hyde: [as Red] You hate my wife.
Hyde: [as Kitty] I do my best.
Hyde: [as Bernice] Now, that's a joke.
Hyde: [as Red] I'm going out.
Hyde: [as Kitty] I need a smoke.

Red: Damn it, Eric! Quit hiding from your grandmother. She's old, she could die. Now, move it!
Eric: I thought she was in the bathroom.
Red: False alarm.

Donna: Look, go take care of your grandmother. We can do this.
Eric: Thanks. [exits]
Kelso: [sighs] All right, how many words does he have?
Donna: His name, the date, the class. Seven.
Hyde: He's screwed.
Kelso: Use his middle name.

Eric: Boy, Grandma that was a great service this morning. Don't you think?
Bernice: I think the pastor talked too much about forgiveness. Some people shouldn't be forgiven.
Eric: This is why theology is such a rich-
Kitty: You know, Bernice, some people don't need forgiveness they just need a little understanding.
Eric: Oh, too true. Have you seen Godspell?

Bernice: You know, what I don't understand is how in hell a brilliant young man, like my Red could have thrown away everything.
Eric: Grandma! Why don't we go into the living room and I'll rub your feet.
Bernice: What a wonderful boy. Look at how thin you are. Is your mother feeding you enough? You should come and live with me.
Eric: Oh... [chuckles]... no.

Eric: Hey, Dad.
Red: Damn it, Eric! Don't sneak up on a person like that when they're doing... this. How's it going in there?
Eric: I rubbed her feet.
Red: Well, you're a brave one. Better get back in there.
Eric: Hey, Dad, you coming back inside?
Red: [sighs] Eric... I love your grandmother very, very much. I just can't talk to her or spend any time with her.
Eric: Did I mention that I'm in there rubbing her feet?
Red: You know, son, sometimes you've just gotta play through the pain.
Eric: What?!
Red: I don't know. Just get back in there.

Kitty: Eric, are you down here?
Eric: He's not down here, Mrs. Forman.
Kitty: Donna, good, why don't you come up and eat with us? I need all the help I can get. [Hyde starts to get up] Not you, Steven. Grandma doesn't like you.
Donna: Lucky bastard.

Eric: What are you doing, huh?
Hyde: Just working on your report here, and having some fries.
Eric: Wait, you put French fries in my mom's dryer?
Hyde: Yeah, well, the fish sticks are too flaky, so I just... I don't even need to...

Kelso: You know, I'm tired of everybody trying to tear me and Jackie apart.
Hyde: Moron, every day you say you're breaking up with her.
Kelso: [takes off shirt] You guys don't know her like I do. [covers hickey on chest] I mean, it's not just about fooling around. She buys me stuff.
Hyde: She hoovered your chest, man.