Jackie: Okay, look, just because Fez matches up with a few things on my list doesn't mean he is the perfect match for me. I mean, we are complete opposites. It's like I'm Beauty and he is the Beast.
Donna: Um, Jackie, at the end of the story, Beauty and the Beast get together.
Jackie: Oh, would you shut up, you reader?

Kitty: Oh. Oh, I can't believe this.
Red: Yeah, me neither. But you know, I've been thinking about what you said, about retiring. And I think that, with this check, we can just about do it. If it's okay with you.
Kitty: Oh, Red. You don't have to ask my permission for anything. You have fought in two wars, you have worked your whole life. You deserve to cash in.
Red: Well, I couldn't have done it without my best gal!
Kitty: [chuckles] Well, speaking of things you can't do without your best gal... Hmm. How'd you like to go celebrate?
Red: I was thinking the same thing.
[As Kitty runs up the stairs, Red opens the front door]
Red: Oh! You meant... [closes door] Well, sure, we can get a steak later!

Hyde: Doesn't it bother you that Muffler Master is going to turn your shop into a parking lot?
Red: As long as that check clears, I don't care if they turn it into a Communist recreation center.

Donna: Hey, Fez. Hey, girl holding Fez's hand who I've never seen before in my life.
Fez: Everyone, meet Hilary. My girlfriend.
Hilary: Hi, guys.
Hyde: Is she really your girlfriend, Fez? Or did you just find her wandering from the scene of an accident and tell her she's your girlfriend?
Fez: No, this one's legit. See, no scratches.

Fez: Um, a little privacy, please?
Donna: You want privacy? You spy on me and Randy all the time.
Fez: Donna, I like to watch. I don't like being watched. That's just creepy.

Donna: Wow, Hyde. I bet when you married a stripper this wasn't the kind of threesome you expected.

Donna: So, if she was married to him before she married you, then you guys aren't even legally married, which means... this is freaking hilarious!

Kitty: This town needs to know that there is a friendly neighborhood muffler man they can go to. So you should have a sale. No, a sale-a-bration! [laughs] I'll make muffins. You can give one away with each muffler. Just don't sell more than 12 mufflers because Jody Adelman still has my other tin.

Hilary: See you later, alligator.
Fez: After a while, you big baboon.

Jackie: Unbelievable. God, Fez has Hilary, you have Randy, now Steven's wife has two husbands. Why am I alone and all you stupid, less attractive people are happy?
Donna: Ugly people need love, too. Just like bitches.