Kitty: Well, I'm glad we're all eating dinner together as a family.
Eric: Yeah, it's nice, especially since Laurie could make it from all the way across town, where she lives... with some guy... in sin.
Laurie: Are you ever gonna hit puberty?
Eric: Oh. Ow. But you know what's really sad is that you got no respect for yourself or this family.
Laurie: Daddy.
Red: Well, he's not wrong.
Laurie: But... But, Daddy...
Kitty: Red.
Red: Well, Kitty, who's gonna buy the cow when they get the milk for free?
Eric: You know, Dad, it's not like she's hooking... Or some other less bad example. I mean, she's just livin' with a guy, and it is the '70s now, right?
Red: What are you babbling about?
Eric: Well, maybe... Maybe I just think you're being a little hard on her.
Red: Well, that's nice, Eric, but right now I am too angry to pretend to give a crap about what you think! [storms off]

Kitty: Okay, why don't you boys take your plates in and watch some McMillan & Wife. [chuckles]
Eric: You know, just once today I'd like to finish a meal without getting chased out of the room.

Eric: The Bradys were such a nice family. I bet Mr. Brady never grew to hate Marcia. But then again, Marcia wasn't so whorey.
Laurie: [sobs] No, she really wasn't.
Eric: What? No. Come on. This is our thing. You love this. I'm mean to you. You're mean to me. So, come on, hit me.
Laurie: Sorry. I can't. Not today.