Midge: Did you two have fun?
Donna: A blast.
Midge: Oh, Donna, that shirt your father bought you makes you look so fat.
Bob: Yeah? Well, those clogs make you look like a duck.
Donna: Okay, you know what? Both of you guys really need to shut up. I'm so sick of hearing you fight. Do you even know what you're fighting about?
Bob: Uh... I know she started it!
Midge: I only got mad because I knew you were gonna get mad.
Donna: All right, okay, what... You know what? Whatever. Just no more fighting with each other through me. Got it? Although I would like you to continue buying me things. I mean, thank you.
Bob: [sing-songy] She likes the shirt better
Midge: You're an ass, Bob!
Bob: Ooh, good comeback, ooh!

Kitty: Oh, for God's sake, Laurie, the man's in love with you and you still couldn't pass?

Laurie: So I guess I disappointed you, Daddy. I'm really sorry. I just wish he wouldn't have taken advantage of me and my love for education.
Eric: Huh. That is just so weak.
Red: Well, I guess you're not the first student to be taken advantage of by a teacher.
Eric: Oh, wait. Where are you going with that, Dad?
Red: Just try not to be too hard on yourself.
Eric: No, no! No!
Laurie: And the really sad thing is Eric saw him kiss me today, and he didn't even try to stop him.
Eric: 'Cause she wanted it!
Red: You knew about this and you didn't do anything? She's your sister!
Laurie: Yeah, Eric. Why?
Red: I'll deal with you later, Eric. Come on, Laurie. I'll make you a cup of coffee and explain to you the nature of men. Something I thought you already knew, but apparently you don't.

Kitty: So, um, Laurie, what's on the agenda today?
Eric: Agenda?
Kitty: A list of goals or actions one might feel good about achieving so as to... Eric, you tell her.
Laurie: Mom, come on, relax. I'm still getting used to being back home.
Eric: Yeah, flunking out of college can be draining, phew!
Red: Eric!
Eric: Oh, come on, that was so mild.

Laurie: You know, I think Eric needs an agenda. Look at his neck.
Eric: It's a birthmark. It's been there since birth.

Hyde: Okay, Forman, I have a solution to this whole "You being a pain in my ass, "we sharing a room" thing. You move out.
Eric: Of my room?
Hyde: Yeah.
Eric: Well, uh, that's just not gonna happen.
Hyde: Ok, fine, I'll move out, you big baby.
Eric: Still friends?
Hyde: I need time to heal.

Eric: Kelso took your underwear.
Laurie: Aw, that's like the third pair.
Eric: Ew.

Professor Stark: Well, I'm going to try my darndest.
Red: Well, this is really good news.
Eric: This is the best news I've ever heard.
Professor Stark: Yes it is. I want to get Laurie back in school.
Eric: Professor, question. Uh, how lame, exactly, is your student body if you're trying to get this dumb cow back in...
Red: Eric! Don't be a smart mouth. We've got company.

Kelso: No way!
Eric: Yep. Laurie and her professor, tonguing in the garage like hungry dogs. It was very disgusting.
Kelso: No, no, you see, because Laurie wouldn't just make out with some old guy. She wouldn't do that.
Hyde: No, it's true, man. I was in the upstairs closet trying out my cot, and I saw 'em. It was like live porno, but not good porno, 'cause he's, like, really, really old. It was like old, bad porno.

Eric: You see what's beautiful here, people? I finally have something on Laurie. I own her. Oh, yeah, she is so screwed.