Kitty: I can't believe we're finally square dancing. Oh, this is so much fun.
Red: It looks like "Hee-Haw" puked in here.

Eric: Oh, my God. This is awful.
Donna: She made me waffles. Now promenade, you son of a bitch!

Eric: So, Mom, we found this present we just had to get you. So, happy birthday.
Kitty: Oh. I thought square dance night was my present.
Red: It is. But we really messed up this year. Well, we're sorry.
Kitty: Aw. [chuckles] "World's Darn Tootin'est Mom." Do you really think so?
Red: You're darn tootin'. [kisses Kitty]
Kitty: Okay. Well, [clears throat] I think I've had enough do-si-dos for one night. So, what do you say we all go home and have hot fudge sundaes?
Eric: Oh, yes.
Red: Thank God.
Donna: Bastards.

Red: Valentine's Day.
Eric: Check.
Red: Anniversary.
Eric: Check.
Red: Mother's Day.
Eric: Check.
Red: Well, I think we got 'em all.
Eric: Uh, Dad, we forgot her birthday again.
Red: Damn it, Eric, pay attention! [sighs] Valentine's Day.
Eric: Check.
Red: Anniversary.
Eric: Check.
Red: Mother's Day.
Eric: Check.

Donna: Wow, Hyde. I can't believe it. Your own set of wheels.
Hyde: Yep. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. Oh, except for that one time Kelso swallowed that fishhook. [chuckles] That was pretty cool too.
Kelso: Yeah, that was one magic trick I could never get right.

Eric: All right, Hyde, this car is fine but, I mean, it's no Vista Cruiser. How many miles you gettin' to the gallon?
Hyde: Oh, about 11.
Eric: Damn! Okay, fine. But, you know, the Vista Cruiser can seat eight, nine if someone sits on the stain.
Hyde: Yeah, okay, Forman, but do you have any idea how many chicks I can fit in the flatbed? Thirty-two. And that's with Big Rhonda.
Eric: Damn!

Red: Kitty, I left my shirt on the bed. It needs to be ironed for tomorrow.
Kitty: Okay.
Red: Oh, and, uh... I know you think I forgot, but I didn't.
Kitty: [chuckles] Oh, Red, I knew you'd remember.
Red: Yep, the check for the plumber is on the dresser.
Kitty: Oh. Good.
Eric: Um... is there anything else to eat?
Kitty: Well, you know what, honey? [dumps plates in the sink] I don't give a good gosh darn what you eat! [storms out]
Eric: Wow, she's really upset.
Red: Yeah. Nice goin'.

Kelso: Hey, Hyde, how goes the cruising for chicks?
Hyde: It was going fine till I hit a patch of ice and almost took out a few of'em. Big Rhonda cracked my brake light.

Caroline: Have you seen Fez?
Hyde: Uh, no. He went bowling with his host parents.
Caroline: Damn him! I'm sorry. I was just hoping he'd be here so we could study together. Now I have to walk home alone in the dark. It's scary out there. Somebody ran over Big Rhonda.
Hyde: Um, do you want a-
Caroline: Okay!
Hyde: ...ride?

Caroline: So, Fez is really nice, huh?
Hyde: Yeah, Fez is a good guy.
Caroline: Yeah. You know, sometimes, when I'm trying to sleep at night, I think about how much it would hurt if he ever left me. And then I say, "Fez would never leave me." But then I say, "We've only been going out for a short time. Maybe he would leave me." So then, I hold my breath until my lungs are about to explode because that's how much I think it would hurt if he ever did leave me. And then, when I regain consciousness, I start breathing again, and everything's fine. Oops. There's my house. Thanks! Bye!
Hyde: See ya.