Donna: Hey.
Eric: Hey, baby. What say you grab Papa a root beer, huh?
Fez: Oh, my God. I cannot look.
Donna: Listen, you worm, I am not your slave or a waitress or your damn maid! And don't get all Archie Bunker-y on me, or I will kick your ass to the moon!

Fez: Yes, please, Kelso, stop. I cannot take this anymore. This is how you serenade a woman. [sings] Besame Besame mucho Como si fuera esta noche La ultima vez
Jackie: What are you doing?
Kelso: Yeah. What are you doing?
Fez: Um, this is my school song from back home. I don't love you.

Red: Here's the thing. You're assuming that you're good enough for Donna. And you're not. [Fez shakes his head]
Eric: Yes, I am.
Red: No, you're not. Just like I'm not good enough for your mother.
Eric: Okay, well... Yeah, that's true.
Red: Hey, watch it. I'm trying to help you out here.
Eric: I'm sorry. Yes, sir.
Red: Look, do you really think I wanted to spend the whole damn day sitting in a room with a woman who hates the Bucks and smells like cabbage? Well, I didn't. But that's the price you pay, son. Now, you go call Donna before she realizes how much better off she is without you. Go on now. Go!

Eric: I don't have to go, do I? I've already been to see her three times this year.
Laurie: Oh, yeah. And I'm a virgin.

Donna: And then Eric says, "You can come... If you want."
Jackie: "If you want?" Ouch.
Donna: Right? I don't know, I think he's sort of taking me for granted. Ah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting.
Jackie: No, Donna. You're underreacting. All men take all women for granted... all the time.
Donna: Jackie.
Jackie: Save yourself the heartache, Donna. Break up with Eric now before it's too late. [gasps] Then we can be single girls together. Ooh! We could take a cruise!

Kelso: [plays guitar and sings] I didn't mean to cheat But she forced me She Downright Coerced Me [talks] Hey, that's kinda good.
Eric: Man, I just asked her for a root beer.
Fez: You tried to control her, Eric. And the woman always controls the man.
Kelso: That's true.
Eric: Donna does not control me!
Fez: Oh, Eric, you have so much to learn, my friend.
Kelso: Yeah. I wish Jackie was still controlling me. I love being on a short leash. [plays guitar and sings] Put the short leash Back on me
Eric: Kelso, let me see that for a second. [smashes guitar]
Kelso: Yeah. You know, that's kinda funny. That was your guitar. Burn! [laughs]

Eric: Donna, have you noticed that every time we do the... [clears throat] what we just did... it is always fun?
Donna: Eric, you're so cute.
Eric: Ow! Ow! Donna, I think by "cute," you mean... ruggedly handsome.
Donna: You read my mind, Eric.
Eric: Oh, yeah. That's the other thing. After we do... the thing, I don't really feel like an "Eric."
Donna: Really?
Eric: Uh, yeah. I think I feel more like a Stan. Or... a Chuck. Or a... a Maverick.

Red: Swedish pancakes? What's the catch?
Kitty: Oh, no catch. Eat 'em while they're hot. There's plenty.
Hyde: Well, this is a real treat, Mrs. Forman.
Red: Psst. Careful, Steven. There's always a string attached to Swedish pancakes. Trust me.
Eric: Mom, you only make Swedish pancakes when something horrible's about to happen.
Laurie: Does someone have cancer?
Kitty: No, no, no. No one has horrible cancer. [laughs] Now, let's just sit down as a family and enjoy our special pancakes. [Red eats] Gotcha! [laughs] We're all going to the nursing home to visit Aunt Pearl.

[circle:]
Kelso: God, I miss Jackie. I can't sleep. I can't think. I can still eat, but... I mean, my life has no meaning. I'm dead inside.
Fez: Oh, so that's what smells.
Hyde: Yeah, Mr. Broken heart. When was the last time you took a bath, man? Whew, you're getting gamy.
Eric: [eating popsicle] Man, I am so glad Donna's not Jackie. But I'll tell you what. I'm even more glad I'm not you. [laughs] No offense.
Kelso: I gotta win Jackie back. I got it! I'll write her a song!
Fez: Maybe the best way to get Jackie back is to let her date other people, foreign exchange people.
Hyde: No, man. I think a song is a really great idea. How about this one? [sings] You don't love me anymore You caught me cheatin' With a whore [talks] See? 'Cause Laurie's the whore. You get it?
Eric: [laughs] Yeah. My sister is such a whore.
Kelso: [sniffles] Yeah, I'm gonna write Jackie a song. I gotta win her back because I can't stop the tears, man!
[Fez and Hyde are silent as the camera pans around to them]
Eric: Kelso? We've been over this. There's no crying in the circle.

Donna: Oh, my God, Jackie. What am I gonna do?
Jackie: I don't know, Donna. I just don't know. [Red opens the front door] Oh, hi, Mr. Forman.
Red: Go talk on your own damn porch.