‘Kelso's Serenade’
Season 2, Episode 21 - Aired March 27, 2000
As Kelso tries to win Jackie back with a song, she is spending time with Hyde. Donna is offended when Eric blows her off to hang out with his friends. Meanwhile, Kitty wants her family to visit their elderly relative, Aunt Pearl (Connie Sawyer), in the nursing home.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: You know, it's weird. But I thought after me and Michael broke up, I wouldn't want to hang out here anymore.
Hyde: Yep. That's what we were hoping.
Jackie: But I think if I left, you'd really miss me. Right?
Hyde: [clears throat] I, uh, I suppose... That, um, you know, it's important when you have a bad breakup that you find friends to, uh... uh, sympathetic... uh, stuff... um, support and, uh... I don't know.
Jackie: Right. So let's go to the mall.
Hyde: No, I meant friends like Donna or... not me.
Jackie: But I noticed you're alone a lot, and I'm alone a lot, so let's be alone together. Look, we're alone right now.
Hyde: That's not really a very good reason for us to...
Jackie: Wait. Let's go to Sizzler. They've got a salad bar. It's all you can eat. Plus five different colors of Jell-O. I'll buy.
Hyde: You've been through a rough time. Let's go, kid.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: A song for Jackie. By Michael Kelso. [strums guitar and sings] You may think This song is stupid So I made a call To Cupid And he told me to put My heart out on my sleeve So we can retrieve Our love from the trash Trash, Trash [talks] So what do you think?
Eric: Well, I think that... you should draw her a picture.
Kelso: Hey, pal... you think you're funny? Well, just wait, 'cause someday Donna's gonna crush your stupid little heart, too.
Eric: Yeah. [clears throat] See, I don't think so because I've taken special precautions to prevent that very thing from happening. Uh, like, for instance, I... Don't sleep with other women.
Kelso: Yeah? Well... It's only 'cause you're chicken.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: Hyde, those boots look really nice on you.
Hyde: You know, Jackie, you buying me boots is just wrong. You should've let me shoplift them.
Jackie: No, Hyde. I want you to have them. Besides, I'm saving a fortune now that I don't have to feed and clothe Michael.
Hyde: Well, if you insist.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: So I was thinking tomorrow night, we should, you know...
Hyde: Whoa, okay. All right now, come on, Jackie. This was a one time only thing, all right? If you're trying to bribe me with these boots, man, you can just take them back.
Jackie: I see.
Hyde: Oh, what are you gonna do now, cry? Oh, man, you're crying. Hey, Jackie... Come on, man. It's gonna be fine, okay? You're gonna be fine. This whole thing is gonna be fine, all right? [Jackie tries to kiss Hyde] No! Bad Jackie!
Jackie: But, Hyde, I thought we agreed that you were alone and I was alone...
Hyde: Jackie, I'm trying to help you out here, all right? So just listen to me. You gotta realize that you can do better than Kelso.
Jackie: But what if I never find anybody else?
Hyde: Oh, you will, man. You'll find somebody great. You see, I, myself, don't like you. I find you abrasive. But if I didn't know you and I had never talked to you, I'd think you were totally hot.
Jackie: Thank you, Hyde.
Hyde: Anything for you, doll.
Quote from Kelso
Jackie: Michael, no. I don't want to talk to you.
Kelso: No. You're right. Okay? Because words don't do it. That's why I wrote this song.
Jackie: Oh, God.
Kelso: [plays guitar and sings] Jackie, please Take me backie I'll get the knack, see
Jackie: Okay, Michael, stop. Michael, stop.
Quote from Eric
Fez: So, then Eric says to Donna, "I cannot go out with you, because I'm going out with the guys."
Red: [chuckles] Oh, jeez.
Eric: What? I don't think that's the problem.
Red: No. What's his name's right. That's the problem.
Eric: Look, I don't think I did anything wrong. I'm not going to apologize to Donna.
Red: Oh, yeah? [chuckles]
Eric: What? Why?
Quote from Donna
Eric: So, uh, for future reference, do I have to ask you before I go out with my friends?
Donna: No. Uh... yes. Sometimes.
Eric: So, uh, how will I know which times?
Donna: Well, you'll know afterwards when I get mad.
Eric: Okay. Uh, is there, you know, maybe a better system than that?
Donna: No. I really can't think of one. No.
Eric: Okay, fair enough. Okay. I'm really sorry.
Donna: Me, too.
Eric: So, I blew off the guys tonight to hang out with you. So my calendar is wide open. I'm... I'm here for you, Donna.
Donna: Oh, that's too bad. I'm hanging out with Jackie. You could come if you want.
Eric: [laughs] That's really not funny.
Quote from Donna
Donna: So do you want to go to a movie tomorrow, Maverick?
Eric: Oh, uh, I told Kelso and Fez I'd hang out with them.
Donna: Really? Oh.
Eric: Hey, but, you can come, too, if you want.
Donna: No. It's okay.
Eric: Uh, really, you should come.
Donna: No. You go. Have fun.
Eric: Are you sure?
Donna: Sure. It's no big deal.
Eric: Okay, cool.
Quote from Red
Laurie: Isn't she dead yet?
Kitty: Laurie!
Eric: Well, I mean she is old, so... maybe we should call ahead.
Kitty: Red, can you believe this family?
Red: Well, the Bucks are playing the Celtics.
Kitty: Oh, come on! All I'm asking is for a quick visit. Real quick. Quick, quick, quick.
Red: Say, kids, how about a nice trip to old Aunt Pearl's?
Quote from Donna
Donna: I don't know. I'm just worried. I mean, if he's acting like this now, imagine what it'll be like if we got, like... married or something.
[fantasy:]
Kelso: Gloria, I just looked at her! She was giving me change!
Jackie: No, Michael! It wasn't a look. It was a look.
Donna: [enters] Oh, my! Please don't fight. Your father will be home any minute.
Jackie: Wow, Ma! You're all dressed up!
Donna: Oh, yeah. Your father's taking me out tonight.
Kelso: Good for you, Ma. You deserve a night out.
Eric: [enters] Well, ho, ho, ho and whoop-di-doo. I'm home.
Donna: Oh, hi, Archie.
Eric: Ah, jeez, Edith, no time for the kisses there, okay? The fight's about to start.
Jackie: But, Daddy, you told Ma you were taking her out tonight.
Kelso: That's true, Arch.
Eric: Shut up, you meathead, you!
Donna: Well, if you ask my opinion, maybe you just forgot.
Eric: Ah, jeez, Edith, I didn't forget nothin' there, so get me a beer and stifle there, huh?
Donna: Oh, my...