Red: Ah, Kitty. Making brownies for breakfast?
Kitty: No. Brownies have too much sugar to be a healthy breakfast. Here, have some Fun Time Snack-A-Doodles. [hands Red a box of brightly-colored cereal]

Leo: There's my girl.
Donna: Hi, Leo. Leo, you didn't have to get me chocolates.
Leo: Chocolates? That's my lunch.
Donna: Leo, look. I'm really flattered that you like me, but I can't be your girlfriend.
Leo: Is it because I'm Black?
Donna: You're not Black.
Leo: So, it's not that then. I know what it is. You like that Randy guy.
Donna: What? No, I don't.
Leo: Yes, you do. So I think maybe it's best if we stop seeing each other.
Donna: Wait a minute, you're breaking up with me?
Leo: I'm sorry, but I just can't date a racist.

Kitty: You know, I am just so excited for you, working for TV's Christine St. George. She is my hero. She's amazing, she's talented...
Jackie: She's the devil.
Donna: She seems sweet to me. Last week, she was having a lot of fun with this dog that could say, "Christine." It sounded like, "Wrureen." It was pretty good.
Jackie: Okay. Rumor has it that as soon as the cameras went off, she had that dog neutered.
Kitty: Well, I just cannot believe that a woman who makes her own potpourri could be that bad. Now, if you're still nervous about her, just do what I did when I first started at the hospital.
Red: Kitty, I don't think she is allowed to bring Kahlua to work.
Kitty: No, you just... You bring in some treats and put them on your desk. That's what I did with my awful boss. Now he loves me, he weighs 300 pounds and he sweats when he ties his shoes. I win. [laughs] Here, take some brownies.
Jackie: Thanks. Well, I guess it's true what they say. Keep your friends close and your enemies fat.

Jackie: You know what? At this point, I'll try anything 'cause Christine is a bitch.
Donna: You know, that is such a double standard. Why is it okay for a man to be a hard ass boss but when a woman is, she's labelled a bitch?
Jackie: Because Christine's a bitch.

Christine St. George: Good morning, Jackie. How are you enjoying your time behind the scenes at the fifth largest TV market in Wisconsin?
Jackie: I don't know. I'm working pretty hard.
Christine St. George: Well, good.
Jackie: Oh, here are your messages, Miss St. George.
Christine St. George: Great.
Jackie: And, uh, I also made a new fresh pot of coffee.
Christine St. George: Wonderful.
Jackie: And I sharpened the pencils on your desk.
Christine St. George: You... Are you a complete moron? Those pencils were a gift from Jane Pauley.
Jackie: Well, they still say, "Love and kisses, Jane Pau."
Christine St. George: How would you like it if I ruined something of yours? [smashes mug]
Jackie: That was your mug.
Christine St. George: My Ted Koppel mug! Listen, my job as TV host is to be happy. And your job is to keep me happy. You screw up one more time and you're out of here. Okay, everybody, let's do a super good show.

Christine St. George: Why is there no orange juice in my mini-fridge?
Jackie: I'll stock you right now.
Christine St. George: No, dear. That would be the answer to the question, "When are you going to stock it?" My question was, "Why is it empty?"
Jackie: Um, brownie?
Christine St. George: I want my orange juice. I don't want your leftovers. Do I look like a homeless person to you?
Jackie: Oh, oh! All I wanted you to do was just to try a brownie.
Christine St. George: Oh, all right, you big baby. I'll have one of your brownies. [eats] Hmm, this is pretty good.
Jackie: Really?
Christine St. George: Mmm-hmm.
Jackie: Well, thank you. Um... All right, well, I also made up your schedule for tomorrow.
Christine St. George: Oh, did you? Good. Oh, good job. Oh, yeah.
Jackie: Really?
Christine St. George: Mmm-hmm.
Jackie: Great. Okay, well, they canceled your appearance with the boy who fell down the well.
Christine St. George: Ah, thank God. Why are we celebrating that? The boy is just clumsy. Listen. I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. Oh, you must think I'm a complete psycho.
Jackie: It was completely my fault. I should have just moved out of the way when you threw that script at me.
Christine St. George: No, no, not at all, because if you had, the script would have gone flying right past you and might have hit somebody important.

Hyde: Guys, who put a sandwich in the cash register?
Fez: You can pay for things with sandwiches? Hello, Hawaii.
Leo: I did that, Hyde. Sorry, man, but I've been a little scatterbrained lately.
Randy: It's true, because I remember when I first met you, I thought, "That guy is focused."
Hyde: Yeah. You know, you've been acting kind of weird even for you. Are you sober?
Leo: No. Aquarius.
Hyde: So what's wrong?
Leo: I got a crush on someone, but I don't know what to do about it. It's been all long time since I've wooed a lady.

Jackie: Mrs. Forman, your brownies saved my life. Christine was yelling at me all morning, but then I gave her one of your brownies and then she started liking me. [Kitty claps]
Red: Oh, I don't believe that for a minute. I could eat a whole tray of those brownies and I still wouldn't like you.
Kitty: Red, television's Christine St. George loves my brownies. This is so exciting. I am in a famous person's stomach right now. [laughs]
Jackie: Okay, well, I need some more for tomorrow, so could you make some?
Kitty: Oh. I just, um... I just put Red's chicken pot pie in the oven, so... [removes tray from oven] Here, honey. Eat around the chicken. It's probably loaded with bacteria.

Randy: Okay, now, try to pick one of us up. [Leo lifts Hyde]
Hyde: What are you doing, man?
Leo: You looked the lightest.
Hyde: All right, put me down.
Leo: Okay. You're dumb and lazy. Oh, there's my lady. [to a woman his age] Excuse me, you're blocking the aisle. Hey.
Donna: Hi, Leo.
Leo: Come here often?

Christine St. George: [on TV] Wow, JJ. Seven yo-yos at one time? I guess an act like that really has its ups and downs, huh? [laughs]
Red: I'm so glad I fought for my country so that grown man could play with his yo-yo.
Kitty: Oh, shushy-shushy, grumpety-grump.